thanks so much for that quote! I’m going to put that up on my bulletin board!!!

Absolutely! You are wise and doing just the right thing.

My Buddy has similar anxious behaviors in new places. My challenge is to give him time to ease into new places and to be willing to slooooow down. I am amazed at how much he has grown in the past year. I remember hearing a radio doctor say, “the cure for anxiety is greater security”. That made all the difference to me.

Related anecdote: I had a similar experience when I was in high school– a panic attack when I was supposed to go to an art fair to have my work casually evaluated. My mother was incredibly patient and encouraging as I was paralyzed and crying in the hallway outside the event. I had literally backed myself into the wall. She ultimately helped me pull myself together well enough to go through with the event and even feel reasonably good about it. Aside from feeling like an idiot earlier, of course.

I was old enough to feel a little ashamed to have had such a reaction that was way out of proportion to the situation. I’ve always put it down to a perfectionistic terror of being judged and being made fun of, not that I didn’t have reason. I can look back and see a series of episodes at an impressionable age that engendered that kind of reaction. It has taken me years to outgrow that.

It’s interesting to see the kinds of things (including early separation) that could create patterns of severe anxiety. My feeling is that the adults or caregivers’ reaction is key, but there’s no one reaction per child. Strange to say that I feel I can breathe a sigh of relief that you responded so supportively to Madison, treated her with dignity and with respect for her challenge, and best yet, that you *believed* that she could do it. The echo of my younger self really appreciates that.

But I have to say that I have the opposite reaction reading tis to Susan and aidelmaidel. Because Madison often reminds me so much of Liam at that age (who also rarely spent time away from me, except with his Dad or Nanna, and eventually with one very close friend, before he started school at age 5), but he had hardly a sign of separation anxiety past the age of about one (and very little then). He would run off and not look back, and when he did start school his response to me still being there 15 minutes later was: what are you still doing here? So yeah, to me it makes perfect sense that Madison’s anxiety might stem from a particular experience (say, adoption).

But again, how you handle it either way is what I love about your post.