this woman’s work

Gazing out at the clothesline

Apr 2, 2008 Writing, work work work

I’m sitting at the kitchen table waiting for my appointment to show up (I’m meeting them here instead of down in the dark, dank office) and feeling exhausted but accomplished. Half the travel laundry is done (my clothes and Madison’s clothes) and mine is hanging out to dry. I got some new skirts for me at the Hanna outlet — finally found some above the knee so I can look like I actually live in the new millennium — and they’re swinging in the wind, too. The kids are roller skating.

I am very very very tired. Madison celebrated the homecoming by wetting the bed. This is the downside of the family bed seeing as how she was rammed into my back when she did it. We all needed changing after that. So we’re humming on about five hours of sleep but Noah got the full eight so he’s chipper and patient with us.

I’m trying to make some work decisions but am feeling too addled to make sense of it. It’s sort of this platform struggle where I’m trying to figure out how much energy to throw that way and how much energy to spend on other things. Truth is, I came back from this trip pretty discouraged.

I’m not sure why this is although I have some theories. Surely part of it is that I was hoping to have my income more settled a year into freelancing and while my income has grown, it hasn’t settled. I’m still chasing clients (although not as much) and I’m still chasing checks (because not every client chooses to pay on time). I wanted to have a bigger safety net and for that I need a bigger income.

Brett’s brothers (and his little brother’s wife — the one we stayed with) are in similar straits since none of them have employers; they all work for themselves. A heady dinner topic on our trip was “So what are you doing about health insurance?”

I think I need to make a more concentrated effort to pay attention to the creative side of my career. It’s been neglected as of late because I’m afraid to take too much time away from the commercial side of things. I think I need to get over that and let things lie for a bit since I’m getting burned out. After all, one of the reasons I wanted to do things this way is that I need a job where I can change-up as needed.

I’ve been reading about INFPs and jobs ‘cuz I find it reassuring and validating. Like why I get so angst-y about some of my clients (wondering if I’m selling out and gnashing my teeth about it) and why I feel conflicted about making money and why I crumple up into a little ball when I think about all the self-promotion a gal needs to do to get ahead these days and why I have the attention span of a gnat. If you read it, you can also appreciate some of the whys and wherefores of my blogging (every bit of it resonates from the need for meaning to the need for recognition — but not too much — and the disorganization):

At work, INFPs contribute their creativity, their value system, and their ability to work with others. They are able to see the larger picture and how specific programs fit in. They do not dwell on the trivialities or the details. Their job must be fun, although not raucous, and it must be meaningful to them. They need a strong purpose in their work. They want to be recognized and valued, without undue attention given to them. They may become embarrassed when make the center of attention. As a result, they may undersell their strengths in order to avoid being singled out and made to feel conspicuous. They would rather have their worth be noticed gradually over time.

INFPs like to work with cooperative people committed to the same values that they are. They can become bothered when they see others working at cross purposes, especially when conflict is overt. They do not like competition or bureaucracy. They need privacy. Calm and quiet appeal to them, as does time and space for reflection. People usually like working with INFPs even though they may not know them well.

INFPs are quite disorganized. But when tasks at hand are important and best done in an organized way, INFPs strive to do so. Practicality is not a driving force for INFPs. Things that traditionally belong together may not be placed together because the INFP does not see it as necessary. They have trouble finishing what they start because of their perfectionistic nature. When they do finish a project, they may not consider it done ‘for good.’ Projects can always be improved upon, revised, and reworked, and therefore INFPs find it hard to bring tasks to closure. Because they are able to visualize the finished product long before it is done, the actual completion is of less importance.

INFPs prefer occupations in which they can be involved in making the world better. Having their heart in their work is important to them. These occupations also allow for an element of creativity and flexibility. INFPs are particularly interested to be counselor, editor, education consultant, English teacher, fine arts teacher, journalist, psychologist, religious educator, social scientist, social worker, teacher, writer, and other occupations that engage their values.

and

At work, INFPs are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are well aware of people and their feelings, and relate well to most, albeit with some psychological distance. INFPs dislike telephone interruptions and work well alone, as well as with others. They are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. They can make errors of fact, but seldom of values. Their career choices may be toward the ministry, missionary work, college teaching, psychiatry, architecture, psychology-and away from business. They seem willing and usually are able to apply themselves scholastically to gain the necessary training for professional work, often doing better in college than in high school. They have a natural interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, as do the other NF’s, a remarkable facility for languages. Often they hear a calling to go forth into the world to help others; they seem willing to make the necessary personal sacrifices involved in responding to that call, even if it means asking others to do likewise. INFPs can make outstanding novelists and character actors, for they are able to efface their own personalities in their portrayal of a character in a way other types cannot.

from INFP the Dreamer

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