Comments on: Things I’m glad I’ve done

By: Margie

Margie — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:32:38 +0000

I didn’t breast feed, so the last one resonated with me. P always had his last bottle at around 11 PM (odd schedule, I know), and some of my most treasured memories of his baby time was sitting in our kitchen with the lights very, very low while he enjoyed his midnight snack. He would coo, I would coo, and he would invariably drift off to deep sleep just as he finished it.

*contented sigh*

By: cynthia

cynthia — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:28:02 +0000

i still carry my almost 3 year old son around a lot too and he’s so big (and i’m pretty little) that i think it looks like i’m carrying a man around. but i love the way it feels too, and find that if i indulge his needs to be baby-like, he goes off more confidently and independently after that.
i did think we’d cosleep, and yet we mostly don’t unless its obviously necessary. its been the right thing for all of us- but i can see how it might be different with a different child.

By: Lilian

Lilian — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:54:57 +0000

You know… I have this question about transitional objects that I want to ask my blog readers someday (if anyone decides to respond) — I have this feeling that TOs are a cultural thing that we don’t have (or didn’t use to have, at least) in Brazil, that perhaps is tied to the fact that we’re much more physical there with children and even as adults (kissing and hugging strangers when meeting, etc)…. so what you’re saying there is that co-sleeping made YOU and Brett as her TOs? I mean… that’s what I always thought about us too and co-sleeping and b-feeding on demand until age 2 (18 months for Kel when I got pregnant), and that’s what Dr, Sears writes about, but I just thought I’d ask if that’s what you meant.

You also know that I’ve always been curious about how you weaned Noah and I know you don’t like to write about it. Kelvin had the exact same one morning nursing session a day up to age four, but I got fed-up and one week after his 4th b-day I told him: “No more” and I didn’t feel sad about it really… I kind of feel strange about that. And maybe I didn’t feel sad because I was still nursing Linton. Now, I didn’t really want to wean Linton, but it went well, considering the circumstances (he played ‘pretend nursing” for months almost daily after we stopped and I thought that it wasn’t a good sign, but I was at peace with it). Anyway… I just thought I’d ask (and I’m pretty sure I’ve shared my experience before).

Interestingly enough, in spite of the co-sleeping and b-feeding, we didn’t really wear the boys that much… We did carry them around, and still do. I guess that they’re lighter than most babies/kids.

By: spyderkl

spyderkl — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:52:52 +0000

Yes, yes and yes. I wasn’t able to nurse at all, but I did lean Lena against my chest every time she had a bottle. We also co-slept for a very long time; until very recently she would wake up in the middle of the night and get into bed with us. I also used a carrier (actually we wound up using three different carriers) instead of a stroller.

In fact, I used the carrier to get Lena to sleep at night. I can honestly say that’s the one thing about her infancy/toddlerhood that I don’t miss.

By: Angela

Angela — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:49:24 +0000

You know…considering how many things I may or may not have done wrong (or wish I had done differently) there are quite a few I’m glad I stuck to my gut feelings about even when others thought she was too old or it was just plain strange so I was happy to read this and the previous posts.

We did very similar things to foster attachment but it’s hard to do them w/ a toddler because EVERYONE had an opinion so for a long time I was a bit defensive.

We co-slept (weren’t technically allowed because of her foster status but did it anyway).

I carried her everywhere on a sling (’cause of my back! Oh my back!) and got lots of raised eyebrows because most people felt she was too old to be carried.

I would “feed” her some times (she was pefectly capable of doing it herself) and we used the sippy cup as a bottle so I could carry, gaze, and coo at her.

We also kept her name but now I regret not keeping the middle one (we did something really silly and let HER choose it…ugh…) and not hyphenating the last names so she could have kept her first dad’s name as well.

Anway…reading about your experience made me glad I stuck to my gut/instincts and weathered the stares and the stupid (or well meant but not helpful) comments. I don’t think we’d be as attached if I had not done all that! And a strong attachment is what has helped/is helping us navigate through some of the rough adoption waters.

I do have to admit that I think my “gut instinct” was tempered and/or molded by everything I was learning too so I’m grateful for how much you put out there (adoption as well as yourself).

Angela (eos)