Oh yeah! Another quote!
Mar 28, 2008 Adoption
From Susan:
This morning I was thinking of skipping the keynote by Sharon Roszia but then was very glad I didn’t. She said some excellent things about kinship and the “adoption constellation” (rather than the “adoption triad” because so many more people are affected and included). One thing she said about transracial/transcultural/international adoption that really knocked my socks off was, “You want to adopt a kid from China/Latin America/Russia? Great! Go live there and do it! YOU learn the new language. YOU adjust to culture shock. Why don’t YOU adapt?” People laughed because of course that is “ludicrous.” And then she added (which is true), of course, this will never happen, but wouldn’t it be great if the adults whose IDEA it is, take the responsibility and take up some of the loss so it is not all the kid. I was like, wow. How revolutionary.
Sharon went even further with that. She said that anyone who was unwilling to learn their child’s language shouldn’t adopt internationally.
And of course this (along with Chris Winston’s presentation) made me think about my lukewarm efforts to find Madison community. I am LAME. But this was the kick in the butt I needed.
I have very mixed feelings about that recommendation that you go live in the country and learn the language and culture. While I do appreciate how disruptive adoption can be, I don’t necessarily think it would be less disruptive to add disruption to the parents lives. Was I supposed to learn Spanish before adopting my six month old Guatemalan baby (I did learn some, btw). Or would that have only delayed her coming the U.S. and us bonding.
I am not sure what the solution is. I think it depends very much on age and some other factors.
“anyone who was unwilling to learn their child’s language shouldn’t adopt internationally.”
Amen to that!
Learning a language is incredibly difficult, and I understand that people may balk at the time and effort that this would require. But I strongly believe that where they exist, language barriers are one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) obstacle to adoptees’ ability to connect with the country and culture of our birth. And if learning the language of our birth country isn’t reinforced at home, then we probably aren’t going to get very far on our own.
[...] I came across this post today at Dawn’s: Sharon [Roszia, keynote speaker at AAC] went even further with that. She [...]
Oh, man. Of course (of course?) I can’t speak fluent Mandarin, but it is my ardent desire to learn – especially after our latest trip to China, when I so wished so so so so so so so many times to be able to speak with people involved in my daughters’ early lives, and just to chat with many people we encountered. I’m trying. That’s all I can do for now. But believe me, the desire is there.
Andrea, I think Sharon was speaking in the context of adoptive parents not being willing to make the same concessions that we commonly ask of our kids. As the white parent to a child of African descent living in a predominantly white community, I gotta say the criticism hits home for me, too. And it’s the kind of critical thinking I need to apply to my own life.
Very interesting. I just brought this up with Husband Man (referring specifically to language) and he nodded his head and said a few words on why he agreed. Normally he is quite quiet on my adoption ramblings. So, apparently this hits home even with him!
That said: regarding the comment above that languages are hard to learn. Eh. Some languages are hard to learn for some people. I? Pick up languages very quickly. I think it might be my love of words. God knows I’m wordy. While I think learning the language of the chosen country might be difficult for some parents (as, true, adults do have a harder time learning new languages than children), simply taking the step to TRY would speak volumes, no? To share that little piece of your child’s history?
Very interesting. My mind is working far too hard for 8:21am with only half a cup of coffee ingested.
Read that quote and loved it. Rather puts things in perspective.
Adoptees have been saying this for years. If adoptive parents adopted children with the understanding that an adopted person will most likely, from the minute they learn that the parents who are raising them are not their real parents – and that they will be on a life-long mental and physical journey to find their way home, then the concept of learning the adoptee’s birth- country language would make sense.
It amazes me how conferences still have to educate people about adopted persons needing to know who they are and where they come from. Adoptees are human and have the same needs as everyone else….really, it’s true!