[for anyone reading this comment: I have a friend whose 4 year old son goes part time to my son's tiny school. I've been to her house and she told me, after I foolishly exclaimed that it must have been hard to have 15 years between children, that he was adopted and that they know the birthmother, who was their friend, she handed over the baby when he was 28 days, it seems. I was glad that they knew here and that was when she told me that the boy didn't know he was adopted... hmmm yeah, I know. He's Asian like his parents so he "doesn't look" adopted]

Truth *really matters* where adoption is concerned. I’ll tell them that and let them know about the book that you suggested (Pavao’s _The Family of Adoption_). Oh, and I forgot to tell you Dawn that she is actually Chinese and only grew up in Thailand. Her husband is Indonesian. I’m sure those countries have their own baggages regarding adoption and I have no idea what they are. Another thing I learned last week, about Indonesians at least, is that they value having sons very much. That couple has only one daughter (in college this fall), so this son must be precious to the daddy and that must make it harder for him/them to face the hardship of telling him the truth. That, and the fact that they know the first mother, that she used to be their friend and can get in touch easily. I didn’t talk to her yet and I don’t know when an opportunity will present itself. It’s such a tough, delicate situation!