The transformation of BRETT
I was talking about this today with my sister. Since quitting work Brett looks a lot better. Younger, for one, and happier. Calmer, less tired and more present in the family. This life really suits him.
He’s starting to enjoy cooking. He’s developing his signature dishes (mostly chicken and rice variations) and broadening his culinary horizons.
He was always a big help — never the kind of guy to stay firmly in his sphere. He always had some meals he could throw together so he did more than his fair share of cooking and cleaning but he’s been amazed to discover how much more there is to do. Examples:
- Cleaning: He had no idea how much cleaning it takes to keep the house just reasonably straight. We’re not talking eat-off-the-floors clean — just clean enough to walk from one side of the room to the other without tripping. Yes, Madison’s room really does need daily picking up. Yes, dusting once a week is the bare minimum. (He kept insisting that this house is dustier than our last one and I kept saying, “But Brett, I dusted once a week at least! You just never saw what it looked like when I didn’t until now!”) Yes, if you don’t vacuum in the corners fur balls bigger than the dog will quickly develop. He still can’t believe it.
- Cooking: The children have relentless appetites. Said Brett the other day, “I feel like I spend my whole life in the kitchen!” Welcome to homemaking, baby.
- Children themselves: Not only are they always hungry for food, they’re also always hungry for attention. Yes, the little one really will wait outside the bathroom door for you and stick her fingers under to remind you that she’s there. (He’s lucky she doesn’t insist on coming in.) No, they don’t ever stop talking.
He says he finds being home much more physically exhausting but a lot less mentally exhausting. He’s also surprised to find out that he’s not as patient as he thought. Speaking of which, I’m thrilled to find out that I’m not an unreasonable shrew; the kids really can be that annoying!
But I can’t believe the change in how he looks. My sister said he even walks like he’s happier.
What really helped with his transition home was going to Portland to hang with his brother. His brother was a teacher but he quit to be a handyman for his wife’s colleagues (she’s a realtor). He also works on their houses and a rental they just bought and are rehabbing. But when he’s not fixing windows and unplugging drains, he’s cooking and cleaning and caring for kids. (His wife’s job takes precedence so if she’s got things to do he drops his hammer and heads home.) The two of them were comparing notes — what they cook, how they schedule the kids, budgeting and paying for your own insurance. Now that they’ve reconnected they call each other up to compare notes on grocery shopping and retiling the bathroom.
He’s really happy.
that’s awesome.
as for finding out you’re not an unreasonable shrew… that made me laugh because i always feel that way when randy’s been home for a couple of days and totally loses his patience! makes me feel A LOT better, actually.
Brett is way cool and I’m glad this new life is agreeing with him!
Maybe he could nudge MD a litttle….????
Brett is way cool and I’m glad this new life is agreeing with him!
Maybe he could nudge MD a little….????
Um, sorry? Don’t know how that happened.
We’re in year 18 of R’s stay-at-home adventure. I couldn’t get him back to work with dynamite. And yep, he’s a lot happier than he was when he was working.
Hell, he’s a lot happier than me!
It has been great that we have been able to take turns working and being at home. Hubby is able to work at home two days while I go out to work. Not only does this allow us to have time with Little Man but it also allows us time to ourselves. It isn’t perfect but nobody feels cheated and we both understand how tiring it can be.
Little Man has developed this habit of laying on the floor and chattering when someone closes the bathroom door. It can be quite disconcerting for visitors. There you are in private and voila! little fingers are under the door.
Heh–Spouse was laid off a couple weeks ago and we’re having a lot of the same experiences. I keep telling him, “My jolly husband is back! My jolly husband is back!”. Where before he’d snap at the cats underfoot and blame them if he stepped on them, now he’s petting them to make sure they know he didn’t mean it. I’ve realized I was on eggshells for years. The kids are so happy that I’m thinking I was a shrew to be with all day. He even went to the doc and found he’d lost 1/2 the weight he gained while at that job, his resting heart rate is 64, blood pressure is excellent . . .
One of my friends keeps asking, “Aren’t you worried about him finding another job?” and I just keep thinking: Worry is NOT preparation, and it would be a shame to waste this time we’ve got being worried. He’s making the calls, he’s going on interviews, we’ve got enough severance to last a couple more weeks — what’s the harm in eschewing the misery?