Comments on: Now I didn’t marry “down”

By: Kirsten

Kirsten — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 06:06:53 +0000

Great post Dawn. I also married a putterer, which would probably work better if I were more ambitious! As it is we both would prefer to be the stay-at-home parent, so we share - or we did before Mikaela was born. At the moment Chris works 5 days and I ‘work’ (unpaid, but maybe one day…) two, but next July I’ll have to go back to my day job and we’ll share again.

I don’t think he gets the same sorts of flack here that seems to be normal over there (though that may be the city - Canberra - more than the country), but it is certainly the case that neither of our careers have/will advance much since we became part time. Now if I could just start writing best selling novels so we could both stay home (and if I could do that, honestly i think I’d be happy doing it almost full time and letting Chris be the stay-at-home Dad full-time).

It was interesting when Liam was first born and Chris took 6 weeks of paid leave (saved up for that purpose), and people said to him that coming back to work would be like a holiday for him. He thought they were crazy. He still does.

By: Lilian

Lilian — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 04:36:17 +0000

Great post!!! Wow, and your previous comment, I’d never thought about that — people having issues with a father who looks different from a daughter taking care of her. Scary.

You know, I’m glad K is ambitious because I’m not really. I’m the one who doesn’t care for work much. And I don’t think it has to do with gender, just personality. I do enjoy being home with the boys, although I think it would be “healthier” for me if I had at least part-time work so I could have more of a routine. Oh well.

By: dawn

dawn — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:57:01 +0000

Libby & Bacchus, that’s been an issue for Brett, too. He’s very cautious about, say, taking Madison into the bathroom! This summer they were out on a long bike ride on a path by the river. Madison suddenly needed to go potty (like 3-year olds do) and for a second he figured he’d take her off the path but then he realized if someone saw him — white guy helping a little brown-skinned girl in the woods — that it’d be an issue. So they booked back down the path to the porta potty and didn’t quite make it.

By: Libby

Libby — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:53:31 +0000

Bacchus, that got even more awkward when my husband was watching our daughter. They don’t physically resemble each other much and folks always seemed a bit suspicious of a sometimes-scruffy-looking guy watching a little blond girl. Sigh.

By: Bacchus

Bacchus — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:48:43 +0000

I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that it is hard. I work two days a week so effectively I’m a stay at home dad. Many people have commented about when I’m “going to start taking care of my family” or “get a real job.” I thought raising my child was a real job and it was taking care of my family. Even here in Liberal SF it is expected that men should work.

I’ve had that experience of being watched at the playgrounds. It can be really awkward at some of the playgrounds because not only am I the only man but usually the only caucasian. I’ve learned to not take it too personally and spend the time playing with Little Man.