Back to ye olde grinde
Actually I want to be here — not editing yet but I have the front of my proposal to write while I’m still feeling good about being done with the chapter. The minute I look at it and notice all the ragged edges and bad transitions I’ll want to ignore everything and work on that so I need to get to this first.
I am the slowest writer ever. I was listening to the Alice Sebold interview on Fresh Air when I was walking a few nights ago. Brett listened to it first and even though he hasn’t read any of her books he was interested in her writing process because he said it gave him some insight into mine. She’s a slow writer, too. I’m always relieved when I hear about other slow writers.
It’s not the writing so much as the conceptualizing. Once I’ve hit what I need to do, it writes itself. But getting to that sweet spot is very hard — lots of false starts and dead ends. Argh. I can’t make it happen but I can make it NOT happen by avoiding my keyboard. (It’s why I’m much faster at marketing and service writing — it’s easier to nail a simple concept and get to work.)
This is the first time I was working on something and didn’t feel terrified that I’d never get it done. I have enough hard-won perspective now that I know that the not-writing of writing really is work. When I take walks I always listen to something — usually Selected Shorts — because it lets my mind rest but keep working. Walking eats up some of my nervous, jittery energy and my subconscious can hum along while the front of my mind stays entertained. And I’m usually taking some mental notes about structure — just a tiny little bit.
I still feel afraid I won’t be able to finish this and I’m afraid of what I’m going to uncover as I work. I’m trying to have faith in the process though; I keep pushing the fear aside and focusing on typing one word ahead of another.
Happy Belated Thanksgiving - and good luck as you write. I have the deepest respect for you, that you were at your PC working on Friday. I hit the stores.