Like the awesomeness that is Jenna, who’s got a kick-ass theme going on for the month. It would be smart to do it that way, eh? Only I thought of it too late since it’s already the second day of November. Oh where does the time fly???
I’ve been feeling right perky lately because so many nice things have been happening and with so many nice people helping them happen. (Julia, you get a shout out here.) Yesterday Brett and I were talking about our lives pre-lay-off versus post-lay-off and have decided that we are poorer but happier. And to the poorer, I also feel less doomed than I did pre-lay-off because I feel like the work I put into things will pay out eventually. I’m learning so much, for one, and I’m already better at things than I was a few months ago. Besides career stuff I’m learning, I’m learning a lot about me and that’s always a good thing. I don’t feel like I’m floundering as much as I did before and I feel more competent. Not that I don’t have my bad days but I’m a bad day kind of gal. I’m the kind of person who will, I realized, never be 100% happy. I’m the kind of person who gets itchy. The nice thing about knowing this is that I don’t feel as desperately striving because ironically knowing that I’ll never be 100% happy lets me get a lot closer to happiness. I mean, I’ll find a way to bitch and moan if all my theoretical dreams come true so I may as well enjoy this pre-theoretical dream come true time anyway. You know what I mean?
I think happiness is over-rated anyway. Occasional contentment, satisfaction with a job well done, hope and drive for the future, the love of the people you love interspersed with struggle, worry, fear, sorrow. You know, there’s so much of life worth living. Which is to say that I’m happy not being a happy person. I adore my blue moods; I’ve learned to live with my black ones.
Last night we watched the American Masters about Charles Schulz and I was surprised with how much I identified with him, minus the millions in licensing. It was the dissatisfaction, the insecure conceit, the needy partner who gets annoyed when people crowd him aspects. And I could definitely be that kind of workaholic if my conscience let me (thank goodness it doesn’t but really, if I’d been Don Draper instead of Dawn Friedman I could have so totally blown off my family and spent all my time at my desk). I love to work. I love to write. Fortunately I’m a woman of the new millennium and not a man of the post-war era and so in staying home with my kids for so long I learned that as much as I love work, I love my family, too. And all work and no play, etc. etc. (Except that work feels like play — never mind.) Still, I’m realizing that not forgiving my dad would make me the worst kind of hypocrite.
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I’ve been reading your blog for a while and greatly enjoying it, but I’m not a commenter on most blogs, largely because most blogs seem to already have a community and I don’t really fit in them (I’m not a mom, I’m not a “single girl in the city,” I’m not REALLY living in Africa right now, etc.). But, I had to comment this time, because I so appreciate this post. It’s taken me a long time to see that not everyone is as happy as they appear and I’m just starting to realize that it’s possible to have a great life without being happy all the time, since I really struggle with moods of various shades of blue colors. I’m grateful every time I see women living full lives without smothering the real emotions they feel.
Thank you!
I appreciate my blue moods too. Sadly (I think) I find it far easier to be creative when I am sad. Is that strange?
What you described as the alternative to happiness is actually very close to my idea of “happiness.” As such, I’m thinking you’re one of the “happiest” people I know.
I consider myself a newbie blogger, so while a theme sounds good, my purpose in signing up was simply to get more in the habit of blogging. Parctice makes perfect, and all that.
Happiness wouldn’t be all that special if we didn’t have down days, unhappy times, or “blue moods” to contrast them with. But by the same token, I find that dwelling on the down side of things, thinking negative thoughts tends to be self-fulfilling (if you expect the worst, bad things will happen). My husband has been unemployed for a few weeks, so was very concerned about the security of my job. So when I had to tell him recently that the project I was hired to work on would be winding down, and if I wanted to stay and do other work there, they’d expect me to take a pay cut, he started worrying about our finances (we’ve always been really frugal, so there isn’t a lot of fat to cut). But I’m choosing to think positive. I know a lot of people in my line of work, have worked in the past with or for several other local businesses in my field, and am choosing to think positive. Fortunately he recently got a job offer and will start on Monday; hopefully that means his general attitude will be a little more upbeat. He’s the kind that broods all day Sunday, rather than enjoying the day, because “tomorrow is a work-day.” I’m going to have to keep reminding him to live in the present, to enjoy Sundays rather than make them gloomy.
My husband and I are coming off a spring lay-off, total family (and budget) restructuring so I’ll be thinking of you both as you head into the next phase of your life, margie!
Yay, another online Margie!
“I think happiness is over-rated anyway.”
Yes, and transient, too, and hard to define. So all the other things you describe – contentment, satisfaction with a job well done, and more – I think those are far more tangible, and really define what happiness is all about.
It’s good to see you in such a great mood – it’s infectious!