this woman’s work

I’m not going to have time to take a picture, upload it, scrutinize it, delete it, take another picture, etc. etc. so I went looking for a picture like it. I know there are pictures like it because I see this haircut numerous places and when I said to the hairdresser, “You know, like I want the length in front but kinda stacked in back and messy because I don’t blow dry my hair and want to take advantage of my natural curl” she knew exactly what haircut I was talking about. It’s a ubiquitous haircut.

So it has the front and swept aside bangs like this.

And it’s kinda like “I’m too cool to comb my hair” messy and sticky out on the sides like this. (Which is true — I am too cool to comb my hair if by cool you mean busy and besides which my hair looks better when I don’t mess with the natural wave of it and just do that thing the stylists call “scrunching” while it dries.)

And it sorta has ridiculously long bangs almost but not quite as ridiculously long as this, which concerns me because I’m cheap and don’t want to have to worry about getting trims too often but I also enjoy being able to see.

More celebrity haircuts that are something like my hair only on tall, thin women with great cheekbones: here and here and here.

You catch my drift. My hipper than thou stylist also told me not to do a straight part because (and I quote), “Straight parts are NOT very 2007!” That’s because I said, “I’ve had this bob for ten years and all the hairdressers keep cutting it this way, which means it must work for me [I tend to give my stylists free reign because what do I know] but, you know, it’s 2007 and I’m tired of it.”

So my stylists gave me a crazy zig-zag part and then she made my bangs perfectly straight and kinda plastered to my forehead with the rest of it all wavy around it and THAT, my friends, may have looked 2007 but it also looked ridiculous so as soon as I left the salon I did that time-honored thing women do when leaving the salon — I shook my head hard and combed out all the styling paste she put into it. (Back in my day we had gel! And we liked it! You kids and your namby-pamby styling paste!) Now it looks nice. And I rolled out of bed this morning and still looked nice because this haircut is SUPPOSED to look like I rolled out of bed only a really stylish bed like a really expensive one that looks just like the ones from Ikea but cost tons more and was situated in a loft that gets a lot of eastern light and has giant windows covered in sheers that puddle down like I don’t even care that my curtains are too long and the dog will step on them and the kids will wind themselves up in them and say, “Look, mommy! The curtains are eating me!” It looks like that. Yeah. Totally.

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