Can I take advantage of your kindness?
Aug 20, 2007 Blogging, The Story of My Life
I’m still terribly terribly grouchy and somewhat discouraged. (This discouragement? Not because of anything — just a mood.) So can you guys, I don’t know, tell me a joke? Tell me a funny story? Having amusing comments trickle in would go a long way to making this a better day!!!
August 20th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Two silly ones.
1)
What did the termite say when he went into the bar?
Is the bar tender here?
2)
A Red Sox fan went to a game at Yankee Stadium in full Red Sox clothes. The next day his friend called him and asked how it went.
“Very well,” he replied. “I never knew New Yorkers were so well versed in the classics.”
“What do you mean?”
“At one point or another, they turned, pointed at me and used a word that let me know they’ve all read Oedipus.”
Hope you feel better.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:43 am
So far I’d say this is working!!! Thanks!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
1) Did you hear that the two radios had a terrible wedding. But the reception was wonderful!
*Thank you, thank you!*
2) Ella attempted to run away from home yesterday! After yet another argument over her not listening, she was sent to her room for a time out. We then heard her yelling that Annie (the dog) is her only friend and that “I am leaving!” The hubby then called her back to the living room and she said, “Just a minute, I’m packing my bag!” LOL!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Two riddle/jokes and a happy note:
1) How do you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie into it.
2) Geese fly in a “V” formation. Why is one side always longer than the other?
There’s more geese in it.
3) Got a call today. I’ve been matched with a donor. Here we go again!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Oh, maybe you need to get away. How about some glamping?
http://tinyurl.com/yrblo2
August 20th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
DD! Congratulations!!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Roni, I heart Ella! I think she and Madison are really cut from the same cloth!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
How do you kill a blue elephant?
Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Twist its trunk until it turns blue and shot it with a blue elephant gun.
What do you do if an elephant eats you?
Run around until you all pooped out.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
See how well it works!
What is the difference between an elephant and a bunch of grapes?
The grapes are purple.
What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming?
“Here come the grapes!” Tarzan was color blind.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
I can’t think of any jokes, but I can tell you that in Kindergarten my aunt gave me a set of Garfield days of the week underpants for my birthday. My mom had horrible morning sickness around this time and didn’t necessarily get me ready for school in the morning. The Monday following my party I trouped off to school, my days of the week underpants in hand to take to show and tell. I only let the girls look though.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Christa, that is hilarious! I gotta tell you — I found days of the week underwear very stressful as a kid because I could never find the right underwear to match the day! Horrors! (Also, mine didn’t come with a “Sunday” pair and I wondered if that’s because Sunday was too holy a day to be written on underpants. It was very puzzling!)
August 20th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
http://youtube.com/watch?v=uISuvTiTYJA
this WILL cheer you up if you haven’t already seen it…but watch it again if you have.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
This metafilter post:
http://ask.metafilter.com/65662/Dirty-Jokes-for-Grandma
is always good for a laugh.
Maybe this is my favorite one though:
A classic:
A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a little chit chat, the priest asked, “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork… but have you really never even tasted it?”
The rabbi cocked his head and said, “I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, once when I was young and rebellious.”
The two sit in silence for a moment, rocking back and forth together with the motion of the train, then the rabbi asked a question of his own. “I know that in your religion, you’re supposed to be celibate… but…”
The priest nodded solemnly and said, “Yes, I know what you are asking, and yes, before I took my vows I did succumb to temptation.”
The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while.
Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and with a twinkle asked, “Better than pork, isn’t it?”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Okay. So. On vacation. Josh and I were making lunch in the kitchen. As I passed him, I grabbed his butt. And not a small “goose” either. I was basically groping my Husband’s rear end in the kitchen.
And my Dad rounded the corner just then.
Oh, the howling laughter. And the bright red cheeks on my part.
Ah, family.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Hannah and I were talking about reptiles the other day. I mentioned lizards, and she said, “Oh, like Harry Potter!” (Everything is Harry Potter these days.) I expressed some confusion, and she said,
“You know, when Hadrig (Hagrid) comes and says, “You’re a lizard, Harry.”
That would have changed the tone of the books…
(I think the pork joke was better. And I did get that e-mail you send me, I just had a crazy, crazy end-of-the-week and weekend.)
August 20th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
A friend recently gave birth to a baby girl. Her older son was watching her change the baby girl’s diaper. After studying the baby’s, ahem, diaper region, the little boy asked, “Mommy, why does she have two butts?”
August 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I asked my son, who was wiggling in an “I have to pee desperately” sort of way, if he needed to use the bathroom, and he said, “NO!! No! Yes… No! I’m just *dancin’* Mama!” (I took him anyway, and he did have to go! Whadaya know!)
I hope your day gets better!
August 20th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
My mom was coming home from the hospital and my dad told me and my sister (5 and 7 years old) to go into the living room and pick up the odds and ends.
My sister said, “You pick up the odds, and I’ll pick up the ends.”
August 21st, 2007 at 12:04 am
I have a 3 year old who is obsessed with talking about butts and poop. He’s also a very literal child. We were having a family discussion in the car the other day and somehow (I can’t remember how though) we started talking about buttocks. J said, “Hey, butts don’t talk!”