Oh and an update on Madison
I just read in a “somewhat similar post” that I was thinking about how she’d be hell on wheels with “why” when she hit that stage. And I was right! Because she hit it and she is. Everything is why and what’s worse is that she’ll call us out as wrong all the time.
“Actually,” she says. “Actually Daddy is digging to find worms.” Not, as I would have it, to get the weeds out. But then what do I know? It’s the “Actually” that kills me.
Noah at this age was a different animal every day. He had it figured out into a tidy little schedule. Today a fox, tomorrow a rabbit, the next day a wolf. The order never varied although it sped up as he got older so by the time he was four I never knew what kind of animal would show up for lunch. Madison likes to be different people every day. She is imaginary people and real people — like cousin Lucia. We all have to be people who match. Today she was Laura, winner of the Grease, You’re the One that I Want show, which made Daddy Max. She let me be a runner-up.
She also enjoys being a mommy to my baby and being a baby to my mommy. When she grows up she’s going to marry Daddy and brother, in that order. She is going to be a mama and have a baby, a big girl and a brother, also in that order.
She loves to play in her water table and, alas, the bathroom sink continues to hold her in its thrall. Only now with the weather warm when we find her on her stepping stool singing while she wrings out toilet paper, pants still around her ankles and potty unflushed, it’s easy enough to clean her up and send her out to the water table outside. She digs in the dirt and turns the water into mud and then feeds it to her baby. All is good. She is a much better listener than she used to be and likes to hear about how I had trouble being a good listener when I was three, and daddy, too, and brother, too. It’s hard to be a good listener, we tell her, when the world is so interesting. But you’ll get better at it — it’ll be easier to remember the rules and easier to follow them.
Her favorite book right now is this one about two friends who have a big argument but make up. She is very very very interested in people’s relationships and their emotions.
One day I was lecturing Noah about “don’t use that tone with your parents, young man!” and Madison kept stepping between us to say, “But I am being a really good girl! Right, mommy?” Poor Noah. She was very smug.
james is doing the “actually” and it’s a hoot. and it’s not so much the “why” but the contradicting and being contrary that is so maddening!
i’m finding the development process to be so fascinating, and now that edward is nearing the age that james was when he came to us, it’s even more interesting to be able to compare how they are the same and different.
i love reading about your kids!
I figured out when Noah was this age that I’d just go along with whatever he thought (unless it was dangerous or wasn’t gonna happen — you know what I mean). So like I’d say, “Trees can’t talk” and he’d say, “But they can” and I’d say, “Oh, ok then.” My saving grace was to say, “You think this but I think that. We think differently about this.” I do this with Madison all of the time now, too. Then she can be contrary and I can accept that and it makes it more likely that she’ll give in on the things that DO matter, like brushing her teeth or what-have-you.
Also the best book I have ever found that really actually helped me with parenting is How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk. It’s saved my life with my kids but also saved my life with friends and co-workers and shelter clients!!!!! That book saved my life PERIOD!!!!
OMG I so remember the “actually” stage! I am having fun catching up on your family - it’s been far too long.
Your kids are freaking adorable and it’s great to “see” you again!
I was excited to find pickle-juice up and running again! Hooray!!
“My saving grace was to say, “You think this but I think that. We think differently about this.â€Â
Actually (hehehe.), I still use a variant of this w/ my soon to be 9 yr old (where oh where have the years gone?) and it too has been my saving grace…comes in handy in our religious discussions (she believes and I don’t) except she still tries to bypass the “we think differently about this” part in sneaky ways…I too loved that book BTW…and when I read it, it helped me out more w/ my ex co-worker than my kid!LOL
I’m so glad to know that the “Actually” thing is a stage that other 3-year-olds go through. I kept wondering “What the heck? Do I say that a lot or something?” Although the “why” stage can be maddening, I’m totally loving Sol’s little twist on it. He almost always always follows up his whys with his hypotheses - “Why is there wind? Is it because there’s a giant blowing down over the mountain?” or “Why did you say I couldn’t crash into the other kids? Were they mad at me?” It’s just so fun to know that he’s thinking about things and trying to figure them out.
Angela, I refuse to believe she’s nine. NO WAY!! I’m pretty sure she’s four and you just forgot! She CANNOT BE NINE ALREADY!!!!
My four-almost-five year old Buddy likes to ask questions like “why is that a truck?” and then get angry when I say I don’t know how to answer that. I finally made up a rule that he can ask NO questions while I am driving. I think he is using it as a conversation starter. I am trying to get him to make speculative statements and share observations instead, but when he is tired it doesn’t work. Two year old Punkin can run a whole conversations around his thumb-in-mouth by saying “What?” “Why? “Ohh.” I think he’s absorbing a lot that way.