Rats.
Feb 9, 2007 Writing
My open adoption article got killed. It was waiting in the wings for awhile because the editor had to take some time off and they have since hired an open adoption columnist and the piece became redundant.
Bright side: I learned a lot in the interviews.
Ugh. I could use some shiny, happy news. I think it’s the cold/snow/lost-work-time that’s contributing to my trapped mood.
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Tags: open adoption
Jessica weighs in
Feb 9, 2007 Adoption
We talked tonight about answering questions about Madison’s adoption and she thinks being open is a good idea. Because, as she said, that’s Madison’s birth story. And we feel like the best we can do is model comfort talking about it and respect her boundaries as she grows old enough to share them with us.
So did I tell you guys? She’s gonna host Madison’s birthday party at the end of next month and her challenge, which she chose to accept, is to make a vegan cake that even my mother will eat. My mother’s favorite cake is a thing they make at the grocery here, which she fondly calls the “HoHo cake.” It tastes like a big Hostess Ding Dong. Jessica is brave indeed.
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Tags: Madison
See? This ad sums it up
Feb 8, 2007 Infertility
Why I don’t like the infertility industry. What do you think? (click to make bigger)
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Tags: Infertility
Our babysitter is my hero
Feb 7, 2007 Book work, Writing
She showed up even though the roads are a mess from a snowstorm that blew through last night. It took me two hours to get from downtown to pick up Brett from work (he works about a mile from my house) because it was all stop-and-go traffic.
My accountability calendar is sorta helping and sorta not. It’s helping because it makes me work more than I otherwise would but it’s sorta not because it’s such slow-going right now. In fact, it’s a little bit like last night’s commute home (exhausting, frustrating, and with a bad soundtrack). Right now I’m re-reading some of the studies I set aside and taking notes on them in the context of this particular chapter. I’m also free-writing a lot to figure out what the chapter is about because I thought I knew but it turns out I don’t.
Anything I’ve ever written that was (in my opinion) any good was emotionally hard to write. I’m talking about the essays and articles that no one but me could have written — the ones that wring out my own voice even if the topic is universal. So I know that if I want this to be good, it’s going to be emotionally hard and so far I’ve got a denial block working that’s keeping me from getting to the heart of what I want to say. What I think is going on is that I don’t want to believe I’m as prejudiced against the fertility industry as I am or that I’m as angry about it as I am. (This is one of the things where my friends and family will say “duh” but since I’m the one in denial, I am really totally denying it.) I keep thinking I’m even-handed and I need to get the guts to make that leap and come down hard on the side of my opinion but I’ve got some work to do yet. A lot of this work is thinking-work and not writing-work so it’s productive but invisible and I know if I do this work, I’ll figure out my theme for this chapter.
I keep leaping ahead and going, “I really ought to interview so-and-so!” but I’ve done this enough times that I know I’m using that as an excuse to avoid the hard digging I need to do so instead I’m attempting to satisfy my “let’s put on a show!” self by making lists of all those interviews and books I ought to do and then forcing myself back, nose to computer screen, to free-write.
(Most of my free-write pages have “every little thing I want to say” at the top because Becca long ago gave me instructions to put down “every little thing you want to say” and then share it with her so she could help me find my thesis way back when I was first working on this book. For some reason putting this at the top of my file this makes my free-writing feel more productive than it would if I was just scrawling on paper. Also it reminds me that I have friends whose judgment I respect who believe that I do have things worth saying even if sometimes I don’t.)
I’m also reading a lot of non-fiction and enjoying the hell out of it. My inlaws gave me a $50 Amazon gift certificate and I was able to spend $49.97 of it (so I wouldn’t have to use a credit card) through the careful addition of used books to my shopping cart. These are the books I got:
- Journalistas: 100 Years the Best Writing and Reporting by Women Journalists
- In Fact: The Best of Creative Nonfiction (Annie Dillard’s advice alone is worth the price of the book)
- The New New Journalism: Conversations with America’s Best Nonfiction Writers on Their Craft (which made me realize that I do want to be Susan Orleans and that she doesn’t have kids)
The used books were mostly to add to my green books collection: The House of Dolls by Barbara Comyns (because I absolutely adore her), Getting a Life by Helen Simpson (because it’s all about how motherhood ruins your life and sometimes I have those days — thanks, Susan Orleans), and With Child in Mind: Studies on the Personal Encounter with Infertility (for my book).
Another book I’ve been savoring (one — maybe two, ok THREE, sometimes FOUR — essays a day, tops to make it last longer) is Deep in the Garden by Anne Raver. It totally reminds me of Kelly. Note Anne Raver also doesn’t have children. That Helen Simpson book is looking more interesting all of the time.
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Tags: Becca, creative, Erica, essay, green books, Infertility, inlaws, Virago