Ovaltine blanket
We figured out why Madison calls her favorite blanket her Ovaltine blanket — because the balloons the bears are holding are oval-shaped. Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it?
Madison is very nosy. I like to call it interested. She eavesdrops on other conversations at clay class and she’ll insert herself at other people’s tables at the library. Last week I was looking through picture books while she wandered up and down the same aisle with a piece of paper she’d scribbled on (”I’m looking for my books like you, Mommy”) and she found an agitated mother leaning down and whispering harshly at her preschooler.
“Hey mommy!” she hollered back. “This mommy is counting just like you!”
(The mom was doing, “I’m going to count to three and then…” I do this all the time because Madison is so easily distracted from the task at hand, like putting on underwear. I never have to actually get to three. I have no idea what I’ll do if she doesn’t jump up at two. Probably I’ll need to retire from parenthood because my one useful Madison tool will be broken.)
Speaking of counting and other disciplinary techniques, now that Noah is ten and incredibly mouthy, I’ve become a lot stricter. In some ways, things have loosened up a lot as he’s gotten older. I don’t dictate his eating or his toy-picking-upping anymore but man, we’re working hard on the old “show your parents some respect” thing. I’d worry that Noah was on the way to being a Dead End Kid but all of his friends have suddenly become eye-rolling, sigh-heaving, smirking and rude. I listen to them playing downstairs and they’re all awful. For one, they brag like crazy (”I can complete this level in like ten minutes without even trying”) and they feign coolness in that terribly indifferent tween way. Other people’s kids are still nice to me and I hear Noah is still a pleasant play-date to other parents so I have hopes that they will all grow out of it in five or six years. Meanwhile, Noah is on the receiving end of “respect others” lectures at least once a week. (Who am I kidding — at least once a day.) Being a tween and not a teen, his response is always contrite and apologetic but being a tween and not a … well, what’s just below a tween? … anyway, we’re talking a lot about “watch your tone” and “don’t roll your eyes when I’m speaking to you.”
My mom was not so much stricter than me as she was a more stern disciplinarian. There’s a lot of her techniques that I don’t use but standing firm and with confidence comes easily to me. I may not have liked the way she enforced her rules but her rules usually made sense to me up until I was about fifteen and decided that she was insane and I had all the answers and no longer need to pay her no mind. (Although the truth is, I still came to her for advice and reassurance — I just no longer felt like a curfew was a reasonable thing for me to have see as how I was practically grown and was it my fault my mom couldn’t accept that?)
Confidence is a biggie for successful parenting. I’m all for parents questioning their motives and taking a hard look at their means but ultimately, you’ve got to feel like you know what you’re doing or these smart kids will loophole you to death. That’s what my mama told me and I think she must be right.
We use the timer a lot with Mason. Sometimes in a positive manner (You have to finish breakfast before the timer goes off so we won’t be late, or when the timer goes off you have to get off the computer and let Aubree do her homework) or negative (Pick up the puzzle before the timer goes off or you won’t be allowed to play with it tomorrow). It works really well. Mostly I use it without consequence and have no idea what happens if that bell went off.
I use counting in public. (I need you to sit up and be big boy while you eat. I’m going to count to 10.)
I am thankful that my kids have usually take heed of my sometimes empty threats.
Confidence is key, isn’t it? I hate to let my kids see that little war in my head when I am not sure. I try to justify this to myself as showing them flexibility. I don’t have a problem being confident whn I know my goal, my desire or my schedule, but on lots of the small stuff… I can really go either way. Is it OK to eat 5 clementine oranges? They are really tiny, but 5? And Momma is tired of peeling them. That is a lame excuse to say no to a healthy snack. And they are the easiest citrus fruit on earth to peel. Do I want her to peel it? Do I want her to not peel it because then she might eat 10 of them? Do I just want to stop talking about this? Am I then inconsistent when I say no firmly another day because we are late or dinner is in 10 minutes? Or will I be more confusing if I make her peel one herself the next day? (It’s not just citrus fruit dilemmas, of course, and the 5 year old really doesn’t challenge me logically or backtalk, but she does keep asking, over and over and over for whatever I am wobbly on. And I suppose that is a problem in and of itself, sensing my wobbliness. But so many things are not b&w and don’t even fit in the Ask Moxie “safe, repectful, or kind” spectrum…
Geez, my six year old seems to be your tween. We have the speak respectfully conversation at least once a day. I feel bad about it, because I have never thought that tacking on please and thank you and ma’ams meant anything. But, I guess they’re an inroad to teaching the skill of speaking respectfully in general.
Here’s my conversation w/ my 3 yo this morning: “Don’t whine, ask respectfully for what you want.” (i.e. cereal). He responds with “I want some cereal, Pleaaase.” I say “that please did not sound sincere.” Then, he finally says the whole sentence with a modicium of respect.
Something to work on (though as I said, a lot of hot-blooded folks in the house, who aren’t particularly into politeness for form).
bj
dd’s mouth isnt that bad yet, but its getting bigger. shes has however mastered the art of nagging. when she wants something, she manages to insert it into the conversation about every ten minutes.
the only thing that ever worked for me (and its worked every time) is when, rather than saying “if you dont do this, then that wont happen” i give her choices. if A then B. If not A, then not B. i know both options sound the same, but the second makes the child feel like she has some control.
however, i usually forget about this and use it infrequently, so maybe thats why it works every time.