When the good women at MotherTalk mentioned that they were doing a blog book tour of Toni Weschler’s new book, I begged Andi to let me be one of the stops.
I credit Ms. Weschler with Noah’s arrival in our family. Like any good internet devotee, when we started trying to get pregnant I got online and started reading up. At misc.kids.pregnancy I learned about this fabulous new book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. TCOYF (as it’s called on the internets) is about learning your fertility signs to achieve or avoid pregnancy. Not only was it informative and empowering, it was also strongly feminist. Some of my favorite parts of the book were her min-rants about the poor treatment she got from gynecologists. (Been there and done that, sister-friend!) And when I was done reading I said the same thing every woman I know said: “I wish someone had told me about this when I was a teenager!”
And now Weschler has taken our lamenting to heart with the publication of Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen’s Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body.
I wondered how she’d get away with this. Empowering teen girls by teaching them their fertility signals? In the age of “just say no” sexual education??? Is Weschler mad??? Lemme tell you, I’d love to hear the conversations she had with her editor while they worked out the angle.
There are two things to look at market-wise when we’re discussing Cycle Savvy, the first is whether or not she’s done a good job educating young women about their bodies. I’d say unequivocally YES! It’s all there — how your cervical position, cervical fluid and temperature each change through your cycle. Nobody knows this stuff the way Toni does and she presents it in an accessible but detailed manner.
Now that you’ve learned about your body’s amazing fertility signs, you might be tempted to start observing them right away. The best way to do that is charting, which is simply the daily observation and recording of your fertility signs each cycle. Why chart? Well, knowledge is power, girls, and with that knowledge comes pride instead of embarrassment, confidence instead of fear.
Now personally I think it’s unrealistic to expect most teen girls to stick a thermometer in their mouths upon waking but like Toni says, knowledge is power and just because (I think) most teen girls aren’t going to bother doesn’t mean they shouldn’t know how to do it. But this leads us to the second issue when it comes to marketing Toni’s book: What will teen girls do with this information? Will they start having more unsafe sex? Will they (gulp) try to get pregnant? Shouldn’t we just stick with those awful Kotex pamphlets with advice on staying “tidy” and no mention of the word (whispering) sex?
Personally I think this concern is akin to lying to boys about their seminal fluid. You know, “If we don’t tell ‘em it makes babies, maybe they won’t buy the condoms and they won’t have the sex!” I think Weschler is right: The more girls know about their bodies, the more pride they can have in the way they work, and the more likely they will take care of them.
One of my jobs at ePregnancy was answering reader email. About 85% of the email I answered said either this: Could I be pregnant? or this How do I get pregnant? The folks who wrote me thought that if a woman wasn’t on her period, she was automatically fertile. They had no conception of what ovulation was or if they did, they thought arrived two weeks after menstruation instead of ten to fourteen days before. I recommended TCOYF pretty much every time I hit “reply” but many times I wish I had something else to offer because a lot of those writers? They were young women. “I’m eighteen and had sex with my boyfriend last week. When will I know if I’m pregnant?”
Doctors don’t even always know this stuff. When I was pregnant the second time (pre-Noah) I wanted a quantitative hCG but the doc said no because I hadn’t had a positive test. “I’ve had nineteen days of high temperatures,” I told her. “What’s having a fever got to do with it?” she said. (I did end up talking her into a test, which confirmed a miscarriage — something that would turn out to be important in my medical history further down the line.)
I want Madison to understand the way her body works and I want her to know it early because it’s her body and her right. When I told my friends about this book several of them hit Amazon to order their own while we were still on the phone. Our daughters deserve to have this information; thanks be to Weschler for getting it out there. I hope the abstinence only crowd make just enough noise about it to get the word out even further.
Possibly related posts:
what do you think is the appropriate age for a girl to get this book? both chronological age, and in terms of development/puberty?
It would be great if more young women had more than just an inkling about their reproductive organs. But they don’t. And I don’t know if any book will ever change that. It’s not a reflection on the book. It’s a reflection on what the woman wants.
When I got pregnant with my son, it was because that’s when my doctor told me to try. There was no explanation of ovulation and luteal phase and CD1. I didn’t learn any of that until we learned of our infertility.
The one major factor in encouraging abstinence is parenting. I have no doubt in my mind both Noah and Madison will be wiser about their choices as they reach young adulthood, and I wouldn’t hesitate to say that it will be because of their parents, not necessarily a book. I just hope other parents can pick up that responsibility, and if a book helps, gives them incentive, answers their own questions, then I am all for it.
To Mamamarta– you know, I’m not sure what age I’d recommend because I think it so depends on the girl. But there’s very frank discussion about sex so I’d say whatever age you feel comfortable talking frankly about sex or you feel your daughter is READY to talk about sex. (But this isn’t a sex-ed book — the best frank sex ed book I’ve seen is “It’s Perfectly Normal”.) I’d say a girl who gets her period early — say pre-teen — may not be ready to read this (although I’d introduce the topic to her when talking about menstruation). I guess (thinking) I’d recommend having this book in your library if you have a daughter and having it someplace where she can grab it herself without having to ask for it. (Our sex-ed books are all in the “Health” section of our homeschool bookshelf.)
To DD — I’m not a pro-abstinence thinker w/ my kids, which isn’t to say that I’m pro-go-out-and-have-sex thinker either. I’m definitely of the “be cautious, careful and thoughtful” camp where I don’t think teen sex is a calamity but I also don’t promote it. I hope my children feel informed and empowered as they explore their sexuality and I hope they make their decisions as informed, empowered people.
I also read the book. God, I could have used that in my younger years. Not necessarily about fertility but just to know what the hell was going on with my cycles, etc. But everything in my home was hush-hush about the topic.
And we see where that got me.
My 13 yo is receiving this book, along with Changing Bodies, Changing Lives (the teen version of Our Bodies, Ourselves ) as a gift this year. I am thrilled this book is available. I was going to get her TCOYF but then this came out. Yay!
Y’know, it’s so very sad that intelligent, together women like us didn’t know about this stuff. I, too, was on misc.kids.pregnancy, and learned about Toni’s book. OMG. The stuff in there that I had NO IDEA about! And I was–get this–35 years old at the time. I’m so glad to see she’s come out with a book for adolescents.
Great review..I’ll be talking about my thoughts about it on Thursday.
I agree with your assessment about age..there are some parts that I have already shown Bug (she’s 10).
I think she says she wrote it for girls aged 14 to 18.
[...] Dawn at This Woman’s Work, a TCYOF fan who credits her first child’s existence to her reading of Weschler’s first book, writes an in-depth post about Cycle Savvy that touches on feminism, empowerment, and the conflict between silence and information. She feels the tone is right-on, and she is happy with the frankness of the discussion. But, she points out, “this leads us to the second issue when it comes to marketing Toni’s book: What will teen girls do with this information? Will they start having more unsafe sex? Will they (gulp) try to get pregnant? Shouldn’t we just stick with those awful Kotex pamphlets with advice on staying “tidy†and no mention of the word (whispering) sex? Personally I think this concern is akin to lying to boys about their seminal fluid. You know, “If we don’t tell ‘em it makes babies, maybe they won’t buy the condoms and they won’t have the sex!†I think Weschler is right: The more girls know about their bodies, the more pride they can have in the way they work, and the more likely they will take care of them.” [...]
Thank you so much for posting about this book. I love TCOYF, and I have three daughters, and also work with pregnant and mothering teen girls, so this book will be on my must-have list.
Hello Ladies,
Surprise, surprise, This is Toni Weschler. Thank you for your stimulating discussion of my book. If you only knew the spirited and at times fairly contentious debates that ensued with others when the book was just an outline in my head. Talk about a political hot potato!
As you can imagine, Cycle Savvy was incredibly tricky to write, because the issue of whether or not to include the actual rules for avoiding pregnancy was a HUGE one. In the end, I chose not to for the following reasons:
It is completely inappropriate for teenage girls to use FAM as a method of birth control. They are generally not serious or mature enough to consistently follow the rules, they are generally not involved in long-term relationships [nor should they be, at that age], and with the threat of AIDS and other STDs, it would simply be irresponsible to condone unprotected intercourse. [the issue is not about preaching abstinence. . . of course they may have sex . . . but teaching them how to responsibly protect themselves with the most effective method of pregnancy and STD avoidance FOR THEIR AGE.]
2) This method is not even appropriate for the majority of MATURE ADULTS, let alone teenagers, since it requires a lot of discipline to both chart and follow the rules. By definition, a teen’s lifestyle is so erratic and busy that it would be really unlikely that she would have the consistency to be able to properly chart.
3) Any teenager using this method would have to trust her male partner to respect her fertility status on any given day. Uh, how likely is that going to happen with teenage boys!
4) If a teenager truly is mature and in a stable relationship and desires FAM as a method of birth control, she can always buy the first book.
5) If this book were perceived in any way as controversial, it would undeniably sabotage my efforts to make this book the mainstream book that all institutions (including schools, teen health centers, parents etc. etc.) automatically give their girls when they turn 14 or so.
I hope this has given you a little insight into my thinking when trying to balance the need to educate our teen girls with the need to keep them safe, as well.
My best to all of you!
Toni Weschler
We were taught in high school health class fifteen years ago that what was called the rhythm method did not work because the only safe time was right before menstruation and we couldn’t know what was the time immediately before an event that had not yet occurred. Even now when I read information that I basically believe to be correct if it conflicts with what was drilled into us then my reaction is that it is wrong.
Oh, I have to check it out!
I had a dear friend who thought she had reoccurring yeast infections and douched weekly – it was simple midcycle mucus. She was 23! Another thought any mucus was disgusting and a hygiene issue. Why girls have not been told this stuff boggles the mind.
Thanks, Toni!
I’ll take a break from my usual wise-cracking to say that I’m planning to get this book for my daughter next year. I figure that even if she rolls her eyes and shudders and makes dramatic sighs (she will) she will also read the book. After all, she reads the cereal box, for crying out loud! And that will make her more knowledgeable than most grown women are about their bodies.