Comments on: This is for Rob

By: this woman’s work - » Happy Chanukkah!

this woman’s work - » Happy Chanukkah! — Sat, 16 Dec 2006 02:06:51 +0000

[...] Why I’ve gone blogging-lite: 1. To spend more time writing; 2. Because my emotional reaction to Madonna’s adoption and Rob’s enormous blunder made me realize that I have to take a step back from the craziness that is the adoption blogosphere; 3. Because Jessica is finally reading my blog and it’s made me feel like it’s all come full circle. (I’m so glad she is although it gives me stage fright, too.) [...]

By: arnie draiman

arnie draiman — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 19:39:36 +0000

nice comments about tzedakah so i thought you would like to see what we
do at ziv tzedakah fund:
http://www.ziv.org

great direct giving. i think you and your fans will like it!

arnie

By: Margie

Margie — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 14:34:32 +0000

I’m late to the party as always!

Dawn, thank you for responding to Rob! I’m still scratching my head at the whole thing - the fact that he chose this approach, at his incredible lack of judgment and sensitivity, and at his sweeping generalizations about people he doesn’t even know (like us adoptive moms he characterizes as just wanting to “fit in” - meanwhile, I didn’t know him or his blog from a hole in the ground until his email popped into my mailbox.

I’ve made no secret that I struggle with feelings of guilt about adoption. But these are my personal feelings only, and in terms of adoption policy, that guilt translates to a desire for adoption to be ethical, to focus on the mother’s right to keep her child first, and when adoption takes place on the needs of the child.

Never on ensuring a source of babies for infertile people. And always on truth and honesty.

By: baggage

baggage — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 08:06:59 +0000

All I know is that if my mom was saying the things that their mom says on my blog, I would tell her to keep her mouth shut. A potential birth mom could easily read her words..like she just called Bug “lucky”… and be very turned off on them as a couple. If I was choosing a couple to adopt my baby, I wouldn’t pick one if I knew the grandma had that kind of attitude towards me.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 05:43:51 +0000

You know what, Dawn? I actually think they’d make pretty decent adoptive parents, even though they don’t know it yet. I’ve kept up with their blog on and off for about a year now, and I think theirs is a case of rhetoric engendered by fear, being mainly on the surface, and quite a bit of compassion underneath. The “extended family” has made my jaw drop on quite a few occasions, (acually, every time they write!!) but even they mainly seem fiercely protective of their “kids” and would probably come around.

They haven’t researched adoption as they should, (again fear) and at this point would probably have an easier time with an international program that involves no first parent contact, but easier isn’t always better. I think that once they actually meet and interact with the first parents they will realize that most of their fears were just chimeras, and that others are quite real and need to be worked through. That video was stupid, and I don’t for the life of me understand why they didn’t run it by you, if they know you, and sending it to first mothers who are grieving is - well - let’s not get into that. Dumb doesn’t cover it. But I, too, have botched up things pretty thoroughly in my life now and again, and depended on forgiveness. Of cource that is entirely up to those that were injured, as always.

To me, they seem two things - overly anxious to have a child (understandable) and afraid. Somehow, I get good vibes from them that they’d be able to deal if actually in the situation, and would not let the child down, or the first mother. Or themselves.

There are others that talk sweeter and frighten me more, because there seems to be a ruthlessness much deeper buried. Those are the types that I can see closing an adoption down the road, breaking their promises, etc.