Good Noah
Oct 30, 2006 Parenting
Noah has always been a good kid. Yes, he drives me crazy and no, he’s not perfect but he’s a good kid. He’s a good enough kid that people go out of their way to call me to tell me how good he is and it’s always been this way.
When he was five or six, his best friend was a much more rambunctious little boy and his parents found playdates with Noah a relief. I remember one time when the boys were playing outside in the fenced backyard and the dad said, “Where’s A?!? He’s not outside by himself, is he???”
“No, he’s with Noah,” said the mom.
“Oh well, that’s fine then,” the dad said relaxing back into his chair.
Noah was the one who remembered the rules (and reminded his friends), who came and got grown-ups when a dispute got out of hand (”Ummm, guys?” he’d say, peeking his little face around the corner where the moms were gabbing. “A & E are arguing again and E is crying.”), and who worked hard at peaceful conflict resolution.
He also cleaned up (without complaints) after playdates, encouraged friends to mind their mothers without being Little Lord Fauntleroy about it (”Let’s just do what she says so we can get it over with”) and discouraged wild play (”I know! Instead of jumping off the roof, let’s try jumping off the porch!”).
That was little boy Noah.
He’s still mostly good. At least with friends, he’s still the peacemaker, head negotiator and still cleans up mostly willingly after visits. My sister still calls him for in-service playdates (so he can entertain his cousin and give her some time off) and people still call to tell me what a Nice Boy he is. But now he know he’s good. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
My mom called me awhile back to say again what a great job he does with his cousins, what a good big brother he is and what a help he can be whenever there’s a family gathering. All true and we appreciate the acknowledgment but he’s no saint. When people feel bad for him (”What he puts up with from the little kids! What a trooper!”) they’re missing that Noah is doing it for the kudos, which is not necessarily a bad reason to be good.
When I was a kid and we’d go out to dinner (a rare event) Erica would order pop, Justin would order pop and I — with my back straight and hands neatly folded in my lap — would order milk. I liked milk, sure (more than I liked pop) but I also liked making my sister and brother look bad. (Brett did the same thing — this is why we’re a match made in heaven.) Noah is the milk ordering type.
It’s not that he isn’t good, he is — he was good before he knew what good was — but he’s no angel.
The nice thing is that Madison has helped him find his inner demon. This hasn’t been a nice thing for me because their bickering and teasing drives me crazy but I think it’s been a nice thing for him. edited at Noah’s request Now he’s good when he chooses to be and let’s his rotten self run wild freely. Well-rounded is another kind of good.
October 30th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
I think some of this is a first born thing? The girls are all good in public and on playdates, but Apple has always sought out being good-sometimes to make her sisters look bad. I did the same thing too. Apple and I are both first- borns. I think first-borns tend to be the most people/parent pleasing.
Are you and Brett?
October 30th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
I’m a middle kid; Brett is a first born. My sister’s son is a first born and takes after his first born mom (ie., is trouble but in a nice rambunctious kid sort of way).
A (kid in the anecdote) is a first born, too and is a pistol (in a good way). But Becca (beccareads.blogspot.com) is a strong advocate of the tractable first child theory. It certainly plays out often enough to be mostly, too.
Noah made me edit pretty heavily (I had him read it before I hit publish) but I will say that of his first-born friends, he was always the angel. (He gets that from Brett. Brett is a good person. Me, not so much.)
October 30th, 2006 at 5:16 pm
Lisa, I don’t think it’s a first-born thing. I was by far the most people-pleasing child in my family, and I was the last of a large brood. In my experience, it’s mostly a matter of the inborn personality.
November 3rd, 2006 at 2:53 am
(Trying to catch up after what must be weeks without finding time to read a single post…)
I’m a middle child, and I was definitely the people pleasing one in my family. My sister - the eldest - was the rebel. My first born is the rambunctious one among his friends, while his best friend (also first born) is more like Noah - I love play dates with him!