Comments on: Leaving on a jetplane

By: Libby

Libby — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 12:10:56 +0000

Dawn, you’ve already got all the comments you need, and you’ve made your decision–I just had to drop a note to say how much I enjoyed reading all this! There’s a great trend in your work here about how to parent different temperaments, and while that’s always complicated in your case by trans-racial adoption, it’s the kind of thing every parent has to think about. So thanks for the good read, and have a fabulous trip!

By: MomVee

MomVee — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 15:26:40 +0000

I’m another vote for go alone. Good for you, good for Brett, good for the kids.

By: Andi

Andi — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 14:04:00 +0000

Hey Dawn — I vote for go. And I’ll tell you what I did when I had to go on my most recent big book tour trip without the kids.

I have the same kind of deal — one kid who throws herself on the ground sobbing if I shut the door while I’m in the bathroom, thus separating us from each other, and one kid who is happy to have me around but also fine with waving goodbye and giving me a big hug and kiss.

So I worried about Emi when I had to go on my NINE DAY trip more than I worried about Nate (who was also littler and less likely to grasp the whole passing of time thing in its total reality). We talked about it for weeks before it happened. Grandma was going to come stay with them. Daddy would be around too. Nothing was left to surprise.

And then I found these cool Chinese New Year money envelopes at a dollar store in Chinatown, and I made little notes for her — one for each night that I was gone. I wrote stuff that was that-day-appropriate (like “I bet you had a great violin lesson today” or “How was your playdate with Hannah? I bet it was fun!”) so it would seem more like I was really there, knowing about what was happening each day.

It was a total last-minute thing — I think i wrote those notes at like 3 in the morning before I left — but it was probably the best thing I could have done. She LOVED those notes. She looked forward to them every day. It really made her feel special (not least of all because I didn’t go to quite that extreme with the non-reading Nate — she got to have an Emi-mommy thing that he didn’t, and she is all about Emi-mommy only), and it made her remember that I was thinking about her and coming home soon.

By: Sarah V.

Sarah V. — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 08:36:49 +0000

Type your comment here.
The vibe I’m getting from your post - stop me if I’m wrong - is that your common sense and your instincts are telling you that going is the right thing to do, but your guilt and your beliefs about what mothers ’should’ do are getting in the way.

If I’m right about this, then I’d have to add my vote to the votes of all the people telling you to go. Decisions based on guilt aren’t great decisions.

Have a wonderful time!

By: chanie

chanie — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 06:03:27 +0000

i went away without my two kids for a week at the beginning of the summer. i don’t think i could have done it when they were younger, and am glad i’ve found the freedom to do it now. it helped that my husband was so encouraging and really into the idea of taking care of the kids by himself for a week. they were upset at first, but then he encouraged them by telling them all the fun things they would do. i called to wish them goodnight, and they didn’t seem to complain much.

for me, it was great to be in a new place, and be able to go do things without worrying about someone else’s need for a bathroom, a drink, a nap, etc. and to sleep a full night. i was able to focus on the things that interested me, without distraction. and that ‘recharged’ me for when i got home and got back to full time SAHM.