A blog PSA
Sep 30, 2006 Blogging
Suz just posted a blog public service announcement that’s interesting. Part of it I disagree with because I don’t think it’s very realistic.
:::::: Writing My Wrongs: OT: A blog PSA
If you have a real life relationship with the writer, remember that communication is very important. View weblogs as online journals, no less sacred than a diary hidden between the mattresses. First of all let them know that you read their site, especially if they did not tell you personally.If they do not want you reading it, or suddenly stop posting entries, ask them why and if necessary, stop going to the site. It is important that as a friend, relative, co-worker or whatever you may be to the writer, that your presence at their weblog not impede their ability to express themselves. Remember this is their outlet. They may not want you to read certain things they might write about you or others you care about, in order to spare your feelings, avoid drama or maintain their privacy. You should respect this and immediately stop going to the site, and never relay any information you gather at their site to others who might use it against them.
I figure you hit publish and it’s out there, period. You can’t control whether or not people read it. Even password protected stuff — you think people don’t give each other the passwords to sites? Remember the big blow up in the infertility blog world where there was a supposed private blog set up to complain about other bloggers and the other bloggers found out? Nothing is sacred on the internet.
I pretty much assume that anyone I know in real life might be reading. I’ve gotten it wrong (my poor dad stumbled on one of my less than glowing posts about him and that was my bad, not his) and it’s a reminder that anyone can find me. All it takes is google.
Certainly there are ways to disguise yourself. If you really want to be anonymous, go the getupgrrl route:
–Don’t use real names;
–Be vague about landmarks;
–Be vague about jobs;
–Never post pictures;
–Don’t use a handle you’ve used elsewhere (like if you post on a speedboat forum as speedqn, don’t make your blog handle speedqn unless you want people to trace you back to your messageboard posts).
Think no one can find you? Spend some time searching for yourself on google. When I was working on the ePregnancy messageboards, it amazed me how naive people were about their google-ability. IDo a search on yourself, on the names you use for your kids in combination with each other or your IM name, your yahoo login, etc. and see how anonymous you are. Do combinations. If someone googles “columbus open adoption blog writer” looking for me, I’m the second entry (right below Jenna, which is pretty cool!) so even if I didn’t use my name, you could find me. Google your interests in combination and see if you show up. You might.
Because I’m easily found and because pretty much everyone in real life knows I blog and some of them read it, I hold this blog rule near and dear to my heart: Don’t blog specific situations.
Let’s say someone at playgroup says something spectacularly stupid about, I don’t know, people who wear funny post-op shoes for mere broken toes. If I want to blog it but don’t feel the need to call her out publicly I’ve got several options.
–I could disguise her completely. Change her gender, change the number of kids she has. Make her someone I knew ten years ago.
–I can disguise the incident. Like substitute another insult that brought up the same feelings that happened a lifetime ago. Suddenly the woman who gave me crap at playgroup is the co-worker who gave me attitude about opting out of the major shelter clean up event when I was pregnant and morning sick. (If she reads it, no one suffers any fall-out.)
–I can blog the feelings but not the incident. (I’ve done this A LOT and it’s a great writing exercise.) I can blog that I’m feeling like a weenie for limping around. I can blog that I worry about what people think of me. I can blog that I don’t worry what people think of me. I can blog about how it feels to be put on the defensive. There are ways to write about events without ever mentioning that there was an event to mention.
–I can blog about how I want to feel and not how I do feel. (I do this a lot, too, and it’s another good writing exercise.) So I can explore my arguments without arguing against anything. Like I could blog about how important it is for me to take care of myself or how hard it is to ask for help but I’m learning. (Actually I’m not learning at all and I still hate to ask for help and so far I’m not aiming to change that because I’d rather be a martyr.)
(As another aside, American Family and Becca both like to email me occasionally and say, “Are you writing about xyz?” and sometimes they’re right so I might not be as good at this as I think I am. Then again I once wrote about person X and three other people immediately wrote and said, “You’re talking about me, aren’t you?” Person X? Had no idea. That was pretty funny.)
Also, if I told anyone I didn’t want them to read my blog, I’d assume the first thing they’d do that day is go boot it up. I know I would — I wouldn’t be able to help myself.
If you host your own domain you can block IPs but if your nemesis uses dial up, their IP will switch around. Or that may block other users who use the same internet service provider. (I learned this to my dismay when trying to keep troublemakers off of the messageboards.) And they can always go to their best friend’s house or to the library and read you anyway. So best to assume your enemies are reading.
Be careful. And be realistic.
September 30th, 2006 at 5:53 pm
To protect copyright, want to make it clear that is not my work. I pasted the link of the owner at the end of it.
September 30th, 2006 at 5:54 pm
Oh, and yeah, my enemies are reading and that PSA as direct at them. LOL.
September 30th, 2006 at 8:44 pm
When I started blogging, I used you (Dawn) as a role model of how anonymous to be. So I’m not. There are maybe 3 pieces of identifying info I never blog, but a teeny amount of googling will get you to them.
I just figure I have to take responsibility for what I write and be okay with absolutely everyone I’ve known or ever will know reading it.
September 30th, 2006 at 10:10 pm
And another tip for your readers: don’t tell your friends and families that you have a blog.
Never.
Ever.
September 30th, 2006 at 10:23 pm
Very interesting post.
I was talking about some of these things with Stacy just this week.
I try very hard to stay private but there are some friends and family I’ve given my blog address to. I later regretted it. None would have found it on their own. Nobody I associate with reads blogs (or spends hours online) like I do.
My real name is highly google-able. While none of it is bad, it’s only a hop and a skip away from being able to actually locate me in the flesh and I’m not okay with that.
Anyhow, very thought-provoking post.
I google myself all the time and I continue to be amazed that no one at work or school has.
September 30th, 2006 at 10:37 pm
I pretty much follow your blog rules. I assume that anything I write about can be read by anyone. I try never to post specific rants, and not to blog about situations that I haven’t discussed with others (family arguments, maritial discord etc) first. Unlike DD, though, I try to be pre-emptive. I tell people that I have a blog, so it is not a huge shock if they ever find it on google. With certain people, I tell them that I have a blog and that they might not want to read it–not because I’m attacking them but because it might be TMI. Like you, I try to disguise certain things, but I’m fairly open about my “real” life. It is my opinion that truly anonymous blogging is a myth and a lot more trouble than I am willing to undertake–every anon blogger that I read has been “outed” at least once, often with disasterous results. I’d rather be out there from the get go than deal with that kind of fall out.
September 30th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
a couple others:
you can put something in the header of your blog that will de-google it. that’s handy.
never put your “private” blog and your “open” blog in the same directory- site searches can show up both of them.
After my family found my site, I deleted & re-created it, and then made it family/real-life safe. I have used LiveJournal for other stuff, as that’s easier to control access.
October 1st, 2006 at 12:19 am
I read this on Suz’s blog, too, and got panicky, because I guess I’ve broken most of the rules because I always thought blogs were pretty much public, and therefore unless something on the blog specifically indicated that comments weren’t welcome, I’ve jumped in. How else would you meet people in blogland, especially in a case like mine where no one I know does this.
I’ve tried to work from the perspective that what I say could be used in many ways, and to bear that in mind. I’m pretty circumspect about my family, and try to keep them in mind when I post, because I know they could find me.
Good stuff to consider.
October 1st, 2006 at 3:29 am
Wow, I so agree with you that I’m even commenting! This is why I protect my privacy vis-a-vis location, names, career, etc. and why I never ever posted about things like my sex life or my dad–there is absolutely no way he would ever read my blog (in fact, he knew about it and declined to read it, even with all the cute grandchild anecdotes), but I put it out there, which means anyone could read it anytime, which means it’s my responsibility to not say things I don’t want people to read, even if to most people I am anonymous.
October 1st, 2006 at 1:43 pm
I’m open with location and Jamie’s name, but I and my husband have psuedonyms and I never post actual dates- birth, anniversary, etc. I did some googling after reading this and my blog isn’t google-able so no worries there but one of my online bb accounts was and I realized putting my location and profesion out there could make it easy for someone to track me down. Since I’m pretty open with people I “know” online, I figured only someone with not-so-nice intentions would go to the effort so I deleted some of that info.
My rule of thumb is to not write anything I would say to someone’s face, even if there’s not a hope in heck they’ll find it. I think it also keeps my writing from being just bitchy rather than introspective (that’s the hope). It’s a really good rule of thumb to follow with the husband. He does read the blog and is fine with whatever I need to get off my chest, but agian, it helps me practice restraint and it’s usually a good thing.
The one execption is my mom and grandma. They wouldn’t know the internet if they fell into it, and that’s stuff that needs to be exorcised.
October 1st, 2006 at 1:52 pm
OK - I’m a little confused. Writing a blog is like writing a journal and leaving it at…. let’s say…. a grocery store. Some will pick it up and read it, some will walk by it, and some will kick it under the display. But let’s remember.. you wrote and you left it there - so a general rule of thumb would be to write as if you were the main character - all of the time. Be kind, be thoughtful, and stay focused.
Oh, did I write that I have been blogging for three days now — I may be revising this comment in the future
October 1st, 2006 at 3:27 pm
“Everything we write will be used against us, or against those we love. These are the terms: take them or leave them.”
Adrienne Rich
October 1st, 2006 at 8:40 pm
DD - It’s not hard to change an IP address, if one really wants to. In some cases, it’s a matter of logging out (on a Mac) and logging back in. Most people don’t bother, but some do. If you’re going to block IPs, it’s best to block a range of them.
Oh, and if you have a blog out there, your relatives will find it, whether you tell them or not. It’s merely a matter of time. Trust me. I never write about my in-laws anymore. Never.
Right now I’m wrestling with when to stop writing about my daughter. She starts school in less than a year, so we’re facing some big, big privacy issues.
October 1st, 2006 at 10:00 pm
Not sure of the author, but a previous commentor on this thread reminded me of my personal approach to life, blogging, etc.
“Live your life as if everything you do can and will be known by someome”
If I cannot/wont stand behind it, I dont write about it. There is LOTS to my story I intentionally leave out to protect my daughter, her father, etc.
October 2nd, 2006 at 8:40 am
Heh heh. I think I’m the biggest breaker of the blog-privacy rule that I know. I post other people’s conversations and EMAILS, for pete’s sake, without asking their permission, and sometimes without changing names. E&E had dial-up at home, and aren’t the most internet savvy, so I assumed they’d never find it. I rely on sitemeter to guess if that’s correct.
Crap. I know it’s unethical. I think some of it is that I’m just a nosy person myself — if I found a stranger’s dairy, you can bet I’d read the whole thing! But also I crave understanding, and community from the adoption-blogger circle out there, and so I want people to know exactly what I’m going through. Giving them the exact same words that I hear seems like the easiest way.
Perhaps I flatter myself that it’s all so interesting as to warrant pages and pages of quoted conversations.
October 11th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
[...] A while ago, Dawn posted a “Blog PSA” (and a follow-up post ) on the subject of anonymity. I chose to blog pseudonymously because I didn’t want people to find the blog by Googling my legal name. On the other hand, I chose not to limit myself in the ways necessary to maintain real anonymity (such as those listed by Dawn, with getupgrrl as an example). I assume that eventually somebody I know will find the blog. They may or may not tell me that they are reading. [...]