Comments on: “Is she yours?” http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/ dawn friedman's blog Sat, 22 Nov 2008 10:12:02 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: anonymous http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14170 anonymous Tue, 03 Oct 2006 10:33:58 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14170 "I'm thinking that even with all the info she'll probably think that Jessica and Brett somehow got together." Yeah, because not only is Brett the one father Madison knows while meanwhile she has both yours and Jessica's roles to contrast, but isn't Brett listed as the father on Madison's original birth certificate? “I’m thinking that even with all the info she’ll probably think that Jessica and Brett somehow got together.”
Yeah, because not only is Brett the one father Madison knows while meanwhile she has both yours and Jessica’s roles to contrast, but isn’t Brett listed as the father on Madison’s original birth certificate?

]]> By: Libby http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14169 Libby Mon, 02 Oct 2006 15:54:16 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14169 You know, I've been asked--long ago--if my daughter is mine. She is my biological child, but she's blue eyed and blond and I'm brown-eyed and brunette. When she was a baby someone asked me if she was mine and when I said, "yes," the person went on to ask, "are you sure?" Sometimes people are just dumb. You know, I’ve been asked–long ago–if my daughter is mine. She is my biological child, but she’s blue eyed and blond and I’m brown-eyed and brunette. When she was a baby someone asked me if she was mine and when I said, “yes,” the person went on to ask, “are you sure?”

Sometimes people are just dumb.

]]> By: Mike http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14168 Mike Fri, 29 Sep 2006 22:25:18 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14168 It's reversed with us -- Meredith gets asked a lot about Nathan (our adopted son), but I _never_ do when I'm out with him. In our case, Nathan has darker skin that's closer to mine than Meredith's, so maybe that's why. She doesn't get asked "is he yours", though. Usually the comment will be in the form of someone asking about my race ('is your husband...?'). It’s reversed with us — Meredith gets asked a lot about Nathan (our adopted son), but I _never_ do when I’m out with him. In our case, Nathan has darker skin that’s closer to mine than Meredith’s, so maybe that’s why.

She doesn’t get asked “is he yours”, though. Usually the comment will be in the form of someone asking about my race (’is your husband…?’).

]]> By: Angela http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14167 Angela Fri, 29 Sep 2006 19:27:07 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14167 I've been asked if I'm the caretaker, social worker or if she is mine several times. Usually I don't mind. It was not until we crossed the border over to Canada (twice) and I had to not only show our passports, but her birth certificate as well as my marriage license that it really became evident for us that people sometimes have a hard time believing we are a family. Don't get me wrong. I totally understand why they had to do it but it hurts to see them asking her a ton of questions (are these your parents, what school do you go to, what is your hometown, etc. while looking at us like we are trying to smuggle her through) when I didn't see them go in-depth w/ the kids ahead of us because they all looked the same. I'm just glad I was a step ahead of them and didn't assume passports would be enough to show our connection. My husband had an incident where someone assumed he was kidnapping her (the lady was actually incredibly rude) or people have tried to bypass him and ask her if she knows him. I love it when he and his nephew take her out with them and people automatically assume they are a gay couple w/ an adopted child. I love that they are both secure enough to just brush it off or smile. The border incidents have by far been the hardest..in that in the process of doing their job (which they should...I'm sure people do have cases of kidnapped children) they act so darn suspicious and look at us in such a weird way that all of us end up feeling odd...we brush it off but it's harder for our daughter. Also, my sister in law (who is Mexican) and her husband (who is black) have two children. The first one from a previous marriage. Lately people have been assuming that the eldest (a girl) is the dad's wife...really upsets my sister in law because that would make her the mother-in-law!LOL It also annoys the daughter when she constantly has to say "ewww...he's my dad" A close friend of all of us (we three have known eachother since high school) has a hapa child (mom is black) so when we are all together no one can match our kids to the right parents. People want things to make sense and when they see our large group at a picnic or the beach and none of the kids match the parents they are calling "mom or "dad" it throws them for a loop. It's our small little revenge for all the inconvinient questions. ;) It helps when the kid (like my niece) is vocal and loudly or in a bored tone says "he's my dad!!" but in our case, our child clams up, acts suspicious, and LOOKS like she has been kinapped(LOL)! We've been working on her being more confident in these type of situations. :) I’ve been asked if I’m the caretaker, social worker or if she is mine several times. Usually I don’t mind. It was not until we crossed the border over to Canada (twice) and I had to not only show our passports, but her birth certificate as well as my marriage license that it really became evident for us that people sometimes have a hard time believing we are a family. Don’t get me wrong. I totally understand why they had to do it but it hurts to see them asking her a ton of questions (are these your parents, what school do you go to, what is your hometown, etc. while looking at us like we are trying to smuggle her through) when I didn’t see them go in-depth w/ the kids ahead of us because they all looked the same. I’m just glad I was a step ahead of them and didn’t assume passports would be enough to show our connection.

My husband had an incident where someone assumed he was kidnapping her (the lady was actually incredibly rude) or people have tried to bypass him and ask her if she knows him. I love it when he and his nephew take her out with them and people automatically assume they are a gay couple w/ an adopted child. I love that they are both secure enough to just brush it off or smile.

The border incidents have by far been the hardest..in that in the process of doing their job (which they should…I’m sure people do have cases of kidnapped children) they act so darn suspicious and look at us in such a weird way that all of us end up feeling odd…we brush it off but it’s harder for our daughter.

Also, my sister in law (who is Mexican) and her husband (who is black) have two children. The first one from a previous marriage. Lately people have been assuming that the eldest (a girl) is the dad’s wife…really upsets my sister in law because that would make her the mother-in-law!LOL It also annoys the daughter when she constantly has to say “ewww…he’s my dad”

A close friend of all of us (we three have known eachother since high school) has a hapa child (mom is black) so when we are all together no one can match our kids to the right parents. People want things to make sense and when they see our large group at a picnic or the beach and none of the kids match the parents they are calling “mom or “dad” it throws them for a loop. It’s our small little revenge for all the inconvinient questions. ;)
It helps when the kid (like my niece) is vocal and loudly or in a bored tone says “he’s my dad!!” but in our case, our child clams up, acts suspicious, and LOOKS like she has been kinapped(LOL)! We’ve been working on her being more confident in these type of situations. :)

]]> By: Bacchus http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14166 Bacchus Fri, 29 Sep 2006 19:06:53 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/09/29/is-she-yours/#comment-14166 I never get asked if Baby R is mine or not but I get the "He looks so much like you." comment ALL the time. Even from my mother. In some ways he does but I see how he looks so much like his mother (who is caucasian) and what I assume are his father's traits (who is pacific islander). My Hubby gets it too. Of course everyone says we look like brothers so I'm not sure how accurate these observations are. I never get asked if Baby R is mine or not but I get the “He looks so much like you.” comment ALL the time. Even from my mother. In some ways he does but I see how he looks so much like his mother (who is caucasian) and what I assume are his father’s traits (who is pacific islander).

My Hubby gets it too. Of course everyone says we look like brothers so I’m not sure how accurate these observations are.

]]>