Ways to do it right
Last week’s Newsweek was all about the new first grade — the early academic pressure lots of kids are facing these days. Being an unschooler, I don’t like academic pressure early or otherwise but I didn’t think much of the article.
Truth is, there’s more than one way to skin a cat or raise a kid. People want their kids to be successful and it means different things to all of us. Some of us think successful = career success; some of us think successful = emotionally stable. Some of us think emotional stability is best got through financial security and maybe we want our kids to get an Ivy League degree for that or maybe we want them to learn to program computers or maybe we think the fast track to emotional stability is following your bliss and we want our kids to tune in, drop out and ride a VW bus to freedom.
There will always be kids who get screwed up however we do things. You’re going to find homeschoolers at Harvard and in jail. You’re going to find kids at high pressure high schools having nervous breakdowns at 16 and you’re going to find them with PhDs and corner offices. Every way is going to work for somebody and whichever way the pendulum swings it’s going to knock someone else off.
It’s why I think values are so important when we’re making parenting decisions. It’s not really about goals because there are a thousand and one ways to get to someplace. If your goal is to have your kids join the Peace Corps you can direct them that way but they may end up trading stocks on Wall Street instead. You can’t predict these things. But what you can do is raise your children with the values you hold dear and then hope (pray) that they’ll hold those values dear, too. Meanwhile, given the unpredictable nature of kids, at least you have a base to fall back on when you’re faced with tough decisions.
Values aren’t wrong. Independence, creativity, community, joy, discipline — what matters to us is what should drive our choices. Sometimes those of us with the same values will end up in different places. I had a friend who homeschooled because she values hard-core academics. And I homeschool because I don’t. Another friend of mine sends her kids to public school because she feels that best reflects their family value about community. I keep my kid home for the exact same reason. We start getting worried when we start thinking goals (”will this really be the best way to ensure my child’s happiness/success?”) but when we get back to values (”this illustrates what I believe”) then it’s easier. Whenever I start to panic about where Noah is or isn’t, I get back to what I value and what I believe and then it’s all clear.
That’s all. I’m just thinking on it because I thought the article was uninformative and alarmist.
Goals and values. Great distinctions and great definitions, Dawn! Good for us all to keep in mind, yes?
After reading that article - I wanted to ask the author..umm what was the point besides trying to get parents (who aren’t already worked up about their kindergartener’s future) worked up?
But I do think that while the article was uninformative and alarmist - it also does capture the general mood of many parents looking at how they can position Brock or Kennedy or Gracie Mei at the head of the class.
There is a somewhat interesting conversation about overscheduling going on at the adoptionparenting yahoogroup right now. A lot of questions about intentionality (or lack thereof) of parents when scheduling their children’s activities - you might want to check that out.
It seems like a lot of people who really don’t understand early childhood education are making a lot of decisions on how young children are being taught and what shows success. So many thoughts on this subject…gosh - I think it would be amazing to do a blog week on questions in education. Have a group of willing bloggers take on questions or ideas that fascinate them about education or school systems or NCLB, etc.
enough rambling, sorry.
Great summary of how to approach the raising of children, Dawn. It really deserves a wider audience. Is there anywhere you can sell the piece? I’d suggest giving it away, but, really, you should get paid for this.
I think it’s the most useful advice I’ve gotten, and I’m a voracious reader of child-raising advice from books and mailing lists. It’s metaphysical, yet practical.
bj
Thanks for that, Dawn.
We’re approaching first grade decisions, so it arrived at maximum freakout time.
Ack. Cut myself off.
I meant to finish: You remind me to recenter.
[...] this woman’s work - » Ways to do it right Choose your kids’ schools based on your values not on outcomes. You can’t control outcomes. (tags: education parenting) [...]