Protected: 2 ibooks, 2 kids
Aug 16, 2006 Pictures
Noah is playing sports and Madison is playing Baby Banger. (Click to make bigger)
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Ok, babysitting just about over
Aug 16, 2006 Writing
They’re not back from their walk yet so I’m grabbing time to update. Boy, I don’t know about you guys but I am wrung out. We should go on a picnic!
I’m ahead of my query goals for the week. I have two queries out, one essay, and two letters of intro. Wait, no three queries (one from last week). I have questions/calls out to three sources (I really need more open adoption expert sources — most of them have not returned calls/emails). Umm, what else? (Scratching my head.) I have two more books coming from my editor to do this weekend-ish. (She’s flexible about deadlines.) I still need to track down what happened to my invoice for another article. I also set up a database of market info and story ideas, which I’ve been meaning to do for awhile.
I haven’t gotten anywhere on my sample chapter (must examine my inability to get this done because it’s more than just not having time, clearly).
Ok, so tomorrow I have childcare again for two hours in the morning and I need to think of what to do with it. I will:
1. Reach out to one of the sources again;
2. Outline my sample chapter (again) if I can’t get that interview done;
3. Clean out this little work area.
If the source is available that’ll eat up most of my time.
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Tags: essay, open adoption
Yet more linkage!
Aug 16, 2006 Adoption
The sterling Kateri writes:
Mourning is inevitable, whether it begins now or two years from now. The happiest, most peaceful birthmothers will mourn.She’s going to be powerfully motivated to please you, as her continued relationship (if that’s what she wants) depends on your trust. If her feelings do sour at some point (and I never knew, other people’s anecdotes notwithstanding, a first mother who didn’t have a single sour feeling about adoption) you will be the last person to find out.
I think about this a lot (re., Jessica). And I go, “Hey, how can she not tell me! We are so close! I would understand!” And then I think, “Wow, Dawn, you can’t even let her grief alone? You think you have a right to that, too?”
That’s when I have to crack myself upside the head (nicely, just hard enough to jar my brains back into place) as a reminder that Jessica and Madison will have a whole different take on this adoption thing and (as difficult as it is for me to admit!) I will have very little say in it. And also I have to remind myself that I cannot be a good enough adopter to save Jessica from her pain.
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Tags: Madison
Linking linking linking!!!
Aug 15, 2006 Adoption
I am going to suggest that adult adoptees from the closed era may not be the best sources for whether or not adoption is confusing to children and that there are plenty of sources that talk about what it’s like for the children of open adoption.
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Tags: open adoption
Note to self (rant)
Aug 15, 2006 Adoption
Do not read adoption threads. Just. Do. Not.
It’s disheartening, all that talk about prospective birth mothers as if they ARE birth mothers already. Jessica said it, too. She said she was definitely but DEFINITELY placing her baby. And you could look at Madison here and say, “See? She was right!” but it’s way, way more complicated than that. She was certain but that was before Madison arrived.
I won’t tell you the details in the hospital. I won’t tell you what she said to me or to the social workers because that’s not mine but let me tell you right now, the woman who told me she was placing her baby while pregnant was NOT the woman who placed living, breathing Madison with us.
She would get angry with us when we’d say, “You can change your mind” while she was pregnant but I’m glad I said it. And I’m glad I said to her in the hospital, “You can change your mind. It’s different now.” I remember saying that, “It’s different now that she’s here and I trust you.”
I remember being scared to say it (oh! I wanted that baby!) but I’m so glad now that I said it because I feel like I did right by her and so also by Madison.
Jessica is not Every Woman, christ, I know that. I know that her history is not your child’s first mom’s history. I know that our situation is not yours. I know that her thoughts, feelings and experiences don’t necessarily mirror anyone elses. I’m not saying that because Jessica wanted this or that that your child’s first mom should also want this or that. I’m saying in a vacuum, what does every woman thinking (planning!) on placing her infant with other people deserve?
I don’t know. But guard your heart, oh hopeful adoptive parents! Do not assume! That baby is not yours even if she’s promised and promised and promised — not until the papers are signed! Love her no matter what because trust me, as hard as it is to be waiting, it’s harder to be her.
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Tags: Madison