I’m just gonna let LisaV do the talking
I do think there are times that it is emotionally or physically dangerous for a family to have contact with a birth family. BUT I think those same kinds of things would prohibit contact with a grandparent or aunt or uncle or anything else, not just first families. I am close to a case first hand. The child’s first mother says things that are damaging to the child and in front of the child.
I think many adoptive parents use “instability” as an excuse. To me every first mom is unstable at her time of placement- in some manner (financial, emotional, relationship) - but that may not be the story of her life. Yet some adoptive families take this intial instability and use it against a first mom. It seems ironic to me.
Yes yes yes! What she said, both paragraphs! (To see more of LisaV’s scintillating prose about all things including adoption you should go, of course, here.
I would even go one step more and say that ALL people have instability in their lives at one point or another, and it only makes sense that someone in a high stress situation would have instability. Why use that as an indication as to how the rest of her (or his) life is going to go? If adoptive families feel that the instability is somehow damaging to their child, then shouldn’t we constantly re-evaluate this to make sure that as soon as the situation IS safe that increased contact could happen?
Wow, I am just pleasantly astounded by the things I am seeing this blog and the ones Dawn refers to. My husband can hardly believe the stuff I’m reading to him! You women Rock!