this woman’s work

You are browsing the archives from 2006 July.

Here are the last four songs on the set. The next CD is Joy, which is why this one ends so jubiliantly. (It’s to get you ready.) I’ll leave these up until next Monday and then take them down to put up the next set.

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Miz Madison was throwing up all night last night and that’s why I haven’t updated the mix tape. I’ll do it tonight when we’ve all had a breather.

I’m so so so so so so excited to write on it. It’s about the challenges in open adoption (behind the Vaseline lens of entrustment ceremonies, happy ever after stories). I was approached to write it (I was second choice! The editor told me who was first and I am so glad she passed! But she’s willing to be a source and that’ll be great) and at first I thought they wanted a “little engine that could” take on it. You know, that would kinda gloss over the harder issues. Nope, she says. She wants something that strips of the sugar coating. She figures (and I agree) that it’s not helpful to paint a rosy picture and then leave people stranded when the tough times start. I think that the way positive open adoption stories had their place as we began a shift toward accepting more openness but now I think we need to talk about the hard parts because what happens (in my blog-and messageboard-reading experience) is that things get hard and adoptions start closing.

Now mind you, this editor is very pro-open adoption (as am I, of course) but it’s a disservice to the adoption community not to be totally upfront and honest — we owe it to our kids to talk about the hard stuff, too, so we’re better prepared to serve them well as we work through it.

I’ll be hitting some of you up for thoughts as I start interviewing the experts. (I am so FLIPPING EXCITED to have a legitimate reason to call up experts and talk adoption!!! Fun fun fun!!!!)

Damn her and her interesting, soul-searching topics that keep a girl out past midnight and make her groggy eyed the next day! No, I’m just kidding. I loved being out after midnight sitting in a mosquito-filled field gabbing with her. It was pretty great. And she can cook! Someone ought to marry that girl! (Oh wait, someone did — lucky dog.) I would sit in a mosquito-infested field with Paige any old time she asked. And play Bey Blades with her son. THAT, my friends, is how much I like her!

In Mix Tape news, we start out with Mr. Feinstein himself first thing. Last night I decided he was “spectrum-y” (someone on the autism spectrum) and Paige said could be. (She knows about these things but wants everyone — including Mr. Feinstein’s legal reps — to know that she of course has not met Mr. Feinstein and was mostly just agreeing with me so I would shut up and let her listen to the music.) But think about it: Musical genius, very single-minded in his pursuits, and sometimes has something of a wooden delivery even when he’s belting out Alexander’s Rag-time Band. I’m just sayin’.
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You know why I’m going to miss Paige when she moves? Is it her fabulous cooking? Her ease with all kids? Her expertise and generosity? Well, yes, but most of all, it’s because she’s the only one of my friends who would be willing — nay, eager! — to go see Michael Feinstein with me. We’re going tonight! Hooray! Back to the mix tape (Michael makes an appearance on tomorrow’s line up)!
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Sorry I’m late on this — busy day.

We’re getting through comfort, going towards peace and heading to the start of the next in the series — Strength. (Yup, mix tapes have to get you from one end to the other.) There are 19 songs total so these next three get you to the mid-way point.

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Songs to download are below the cut!
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I’ve been thinking on this for awhile and trying to think of a way to talk about it. I’ve been thinking about the peer pressure of the infertile world — the pressure to take home a baby no matter what and how our own feelings of failure after an unsuccessful cycle are exacerbated by “miracle” baby stories.
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I know that I run the risk of sounding hypocritical when I say that I’ve grown to strongly believe that not every infertility success story ends with a take-home baby but hear me out. I’m saying that there are many, many paths to happiness and peace and joy. There are many roads out of devastation. It’s hard to believe in the middle of a crisis, surrounded by magazines, Oprah shows and infertility blogs that talk about “a woman’s victory over infertility” or “how one woman refused to believe the doctors who said never.” The sad truth is, making peace with a smaller family or a family without children isn’t quite as technicolor triumphant. A woman who says, “I’m done. Enough. I will make my peace and move on” loses some blog hits. It’s a hard sell in a world that wants lots of drama tied up with a certain kind of happy ending.

Read more over at AnotherChild.com.

I’m making a three CD series: Comfort • Strength • Joy

Comfort is the first in the series and I’ll push three to four songs over the six days (totaling 19 songs).

Here are the first three for y’all:
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I didn’t realize that my very small naming essay was a hot topic (This link won’t lead to it in a month so if you’re deep in the archives — skip it). That means you can go over there and rant and rail about it if you want. Thanks to Super Woman Barb for the heads up!

I’m kinda in Kim.Kim mode where I’ve gotten some praise for our decision and it feels unwarranted. It made (and makes) sense to us and so in that way it was easy. The hard part was dealing with some of my unexpected emotions around it (it was easier for Brett) but at the same time my feelings didn’t change what I thought about it. It was just — for us — the right way for us to handle it. Therefore it deserves no praise or condemnation. It is what it is.

You can read my blog entry about our decision to do that here and some of my feelings after Madison arrived here and some exploration of some sadness around NOT naming her here. (The comments are really interesting in these posts including BrooklynMama’s lovely story about naming her daughter.)