this woman’s work

You are browsing the archives from 2006 July.

It’s late but I’m getting this in under the wire (not much commentary — I’m too tired)! Also — this design change is testing ok across four different browsers. Lemme know if it’s not working for you! (It’s also loading more quickly than it was earlier, I think.)
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I’m tempted to link Suzherm’s whole comment but I’ll just do bits and pieces:

primal wound goes beyond the original intended victims (IMO). there is collateral damage to the extended natural family members as well - for generations. my sons have lost a sister, my mother her first grandchild, my sister her first niece.

This is a really good point. I definitely see this in my family (the child in our family is now grown and has since reunited but it’s not been anything near a happy ever after ending) and I definitely see this in Jessica’s family. I almost don’t want to apply the words “primal wound” to this though because I think it deserves it’s own name. Dismemberment almost works here, I think, because we’re talking about a limb literally cut off the family tree. Even in an open adoption with absolute openness, there is still this great loss for, say, a grandparent experiencing their child as a parent. It’s just a loss. Period. Even if it’s best for everyone. Even if everyone wanted it.

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(Before I begin, I’m a bit concerned that people are going to see primal wound and dismiss all this because that term is so alarmist. I’ll repeat that I don’t think primal wound is like being born without a leg; I don’t think adoptive babies are dismembered. Like I say further down, babies used to lose their mothers all the dang time so my Darwinian mind would say that they’re also built to withstand it but still — it’s a stressful world out there for any old baby and losing a mom right up front has to make the whole transition to planet earth that much more difficult since it certainly isn’t the best way to start out a little life. And I wonder — would people who are dismissive to primal wound theory be more sympathetic to a child who was grieving a first mom who died at birth? It’s the adoption part people find threatening — the perceived competition — because it implies that adoptive parents aren’t as good. Of course we’re good! We’re grand! Or at least as good and grand as other parents but this has nothing to do with us. It’s a big mistake — the biggest — to think that it has anything to do with us. We can be an impediment to our children’s understanding or we can help them. Taking it personally will just muck up the whole deal.)

Now to Hasenpfeffer!

I always think your views are interesting - and I have no doubt that you know Madison. I’m wondering how it would be in the case of surrogacy … do surrogate children, who share their “adopted” parents’ DNA but their “first mother’s” womb also have a “primal wound”?(I know the terms don’t really apply, but bear with me.) Do those children also percieve themselves as having experienced a great loss? Or is there simply not enough research on it yet?

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How lazy am I?

I know a bunch of zillions of people are coming in on the Primal Wound at Our House entry and wanted to elaborate on it.
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And then Brett’s taking us out to breakfast!

Ok, the guy who designed my template (plaintxtblog) says that it doesn’t work in Internet Explorer browsers below 6, which I believe is the latest browser so probably quite a few people haven’t bothered to upgrade. (I am personally very lazy about upgrading browsers and like the ones that tell me to do it otherwise it would never cross my mind.) The template uses floating elements and these aren’t supported by earlier IEs. IE isn’t standards compliant anyway and so many things are wonky in it. On the other hand, sometimes I can’t do things at web sites because they ONLY support IE so basically whatever browser you’re using, you are somehow going to miss out unless you’ve got another browser tucked away somewhere.

Now according to my stats, 50% of my users are on IE (25% are on Firefox and the rest are divided up browser-wise) but I don’t know how many are using IE 5. I’m not sure if I’m going to do a new template or not, especially because IE 7 is coming out soon (right? or is it already out?). If you’re on a Mac, Microsoft hates you anyhow and isn’t even updating their browser for you and you’re stuck on 5 and in hell already.

What do you guys think I should do?

Hey — maybe I’ll look into finding a template switcher and then stick an easy template that works with IE 5 in there, like my old one. I’ll see about that.