I found this site after my 4th week solid of reading adoption stuff online. I traced my b-mum v recently - and promptly went into a grief meltdown. No idea why. I am 41, own family, happy childhood, fab relationship with my parents, but suddenly I am a complete mess. Talking to a counsellor gave me my first insight into this possibility - I went from birth to a foster-mum, back to birth-mum, to another foster-mum and finally to my Mother and Father. Even admitting there might be this ‘wound’ is deeply upsetting, only thinking it now at my age, and the thought of verbalising it to my parents…I grew up not really thinking of my adoption as anything, and just feeling I was where I was meant to be, and still do.

But perhaps if there had been a few more of these conversations, instead of just ‘if you want to trace, we’ll support you’ I might not be in quite the mess I am now.

I have also been through infertility so have real empathy with the struggle, and how those children are so dearly loved, sometimes the thought of them being someone else’s to start with must be too painful to even contemplate. My first was IVF, my second a natural surprise, but that longing for a child stays with me.

As a Mom who has recently reunited after 26 years, I can tell you that the grief for the lost family is something very real to a lot of children who are adopted into families. Many are made to feel disloyal and ashamed by their parents for having these feelings.

The right thing is always harder to do and takes so much courage but I believe that Madison, you, and Jessica will all reap the benefits of openly talking and validated the interconnections between you.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I am encouraged by your honest and heartbreaking example of true love.