x-posted
I’ve been thinking on this for awhile and trying to think of a way to talk about it. I’ve been thinking about the peer pressure of the infertile world — the pressure to take home a baby no matter what and how our own feelings of failure after an unsuccessful cycle are exacerbated by “miracle” baby stories.
…
I know that I run the risk of sounding hypocritical when I say that I’ve grown to strongly believe that not every infertility success story ends with a take-home baby but hear me out. I’m saying that there are many, many paths to happiness and peace and joy. There are many roads out of devastation. It’s hard to believe in the middle of a crisis, surrounded by magazines, Oprah shows and infertility blogs that talk about “a woman’s victory over infertility” or “how one woman refused to believe the doctors who said never.” The sad truth is, making peace with a smaller family or a family without children isn’t quite as technicolor triumphant. A woman who says, “I’m done. Enough. I will make my peace and move on” loses some blog hits. It’s a hard sell in a world that wants lots of drama tied up with a certain kind of happy ending.
Read more over at AnotherChild.com.
That’s a great article!
Dawn,
Amen! There are many success stories after infertility…and it’s important to honor them all–because the reality is that you are NOT guaranteed a child–EVER. I used to hate the miracle infertility stories because my “Luck” was terrible with IVF. I could not have had worse results, frankly. I used to feel like
the message was that if you believed/had faith/were a good person/very lucky–you, too, would have a child! And that’s just really true.
When I was going thru infertility, IVF (& then adoption), I went out of my way to make friends with people who had different endings to their infertility stories. I needed to know that life could be happy and joyful–no matter what. So, I had a friend who tried for 7 years to have a child and then decided enough. I met people who had disrupted adoptions. I met people who said “no” to IVF and then didn’t pursue adoption. It all helped me keep things in perspective.
Once again you’ve put into words something I’ve held in my heart.
HMBalison
Hi Dawn,
I can’t find this over at Open Adoption Support - is it still there?