Forgot to say
I have an essay in this month’s Adoptive Families on not changing Madison’s birth name. (As it turns out, Jessica gave Madison our family name as Madison’s last name on her birth certificate so her name has always — all three names — been her name.)
I pitched this to them awhile ago and they were interested but I couldn’t figure out how to write it (it’s for their “In My Opinion” column) without making people who didn’t make the same choice defensive. Naming kids is complicated; it carries with it a whole lotta baggage. Keeping a child’s birth name after an adoption is just one option.
So check it out, if you’re so inclined. (On news stands now!)
Another thing about Madison’s name. A few people made some noise about how fortunate we were that she doesn’t have “one of those black names.” Or as one person put it (and this person is African American) one of those “ghetto” names. But I like a lot of those so-called ghetto names. Our only issue was the kids’ last name has a big old SH in it, which would make a name like Tanisha not really work so well. But there are a lot of beautiful names in the black community — some with African roots and some made up. I can think of a lot of names I’d feel lucky to have in our family. Figure it this way — if we welcomed having a Black child in our family then why wouldn’t we welcome a child with a name that celebrates strong ties to the Black community?
can i say again how much i adore you as an amom? you should write about what makes you different, your experences, your education, support, your confidence, whatever etc. future children need amoms like you..not the ones who deny their child their very being. why are you able to embrace your ENTIRE child and others are not?
i happen to love the name madison and did not know it was her given name by jessica. very cool.
i need to refer my friend hiedi to read you. she also adopted a “brown baby” (her words). she would love to read you.
Dawn - you know that I am in complete agreement with you on the name issue. We, too, chose to keep Z.’s name as it was given to her and added our last name to it. We also gave her a middle name, since she didn’t have one . I think the whole “what will this name mean/indicate” issue, be it a “ghetto” name or an obviously “Asian” name forgets the whole point that someday (sooner than we realize) our children will be out in the world without us white parents giving them our “white privilege by proxy” and having an Asian, or Ghetto or any other “non white” name won’t have the same “huh?” reaction that our friends and acquaintances may give us. And quite frankly, I want my children to be comfortable with people and communities that are like my children, as well as communities that are different. With my children of color, I want them to be able to enter their communities of heritage and not be ostracized for not knowing their Chinese name, or not knowing the manners and mores of that community. Too often, I think that we as parents close our eyes to the fact that the majority of our children’s lives will be lived away from us and as a person of color so the “oh, but I was raised by white people…so I am just like *you*” mentality won’t cut it. And to act as if it will sets our children up for more hardship than they should face, and neglects to prepare them for the world they will face.
I left a little note over there. Nice piece!