I’m going to do joy & strength
Jun 30, 2006 Read/heard/seen
I’m not sure how and in what order though.
Meanwhile, see it’s not drupal that sucks — it was just my (in)ability to program it properly. Here’s proof.
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Tags: drupal
I want to make you a mix tape
Jun 29, 2006 Music
And by you I mean the internets and by tape I mean CD. I’m going to post one song a day until there are enough to fill a standard 80 minute CD. But I need help choosing a theme. Which sounds best to you?
Lemme know and I’ll start thinking on it.
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The craziness that is me
Jun 28, 2006 Parenting
I’m a tad moody. Well, no, actually I would say that I am expressive in my moods. Like if I’m happy then I’m singing, I’m dancing my way around the kitchen, I’m fun to be around. If I’m not happy then I’m dragging, I’m apt to growl before speaking and I’m not exactly pleasant to be around.
I often think of Caroline Ingalls and try to channel her gentle spirit but frankly, I bet Caroline Ingalls was no fun to have at a party. And when I’m spitting nails thinking of Caroline just makes me want to spit them at her and she’s not quite the tender inspiration I want her to be.
I don’t mind being moody (expressive) except that it’s hard for the people around me and I know that it’s hard on the kids. Kids are psychic anyway and then I’m not that hard to read. If I’m crying in my coffee because I heard a sad song on the radio (or put a sad song on the stereo so I could cry because crying when you’re blue is such a treat) it made Noah nervous. So then I tried not to cry or play sad songs but that just made me grouchy so I decided that instead I’d have to teach my kids how to live with moody (expressive) me. Especially because Noah, at least, has inherited some of my more colorful tendencies. (Madison is either sunny or rageful, just like her first mom but that ragefulness is sure to be a trial to her and the people who love her.)
I would like to be perfect for my children. I’d like to follow Dr. Phil’s orders and never yell in front of them or at them. I’d like to be in complete control of my emotions and always speak in a modulated tone and practice consistency and patience and then they would grow up and watch I Remember Mama and say to themselves, “Man, that is just totally like my mother. Only without the accent.”
But if I was like that, I wouldn’t be me. And given that I’m me and I’m already a mother, not having had to pass a test (homestudy notwithstanding) to weed out the moody (expressive) mothers I’ve been talking to Brett about being explicit with them. See, it’s not enough for me to say, “Mommy is just off her rocker today, dear, because she read a sad book and it’s making her fearful for the world and so she can’t see you walk across the lawn without bursting into tears because the beautiful things of the world are oh so fragile! But don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. Now could you go get Mama another hankie? I’m afraid this one is just a touch too soggy to be any good.” What I (they) need is for someone else to say, “There goes Mommy again; you know how she can be.”
I told him he needs to say this explicitly. He needs to say, “Mommy is short today because she’s worried about work so let’s stay out of her way — you know how she is when she gets like this and I, for one, am tired of being told I’m breathing too loudly when she’s going over edits.” See, he can say this is normal (for Mommy) and it’s not our fault and here’s the coping, which is to roll our eyes and steer clear.
I’m not advocating total insanity but I think sometimes these parenting advice people forget that parents are human and they’re humanity is a good thing because how else will our kids learn about living with other humans? It’s the explicit explanation parts I think we’re missing around here. I say put it all back on Mommy. Heck, that’s what I do with Brett. I don’t belittle his bad moods but I’m frank about it. “That’s Daddy’s deal. Let’s stay out of his way — he’s such a grump today!” For some reason he doesn’t do this and you know why I think he doesn’t? Because nobody talked about feelings in his family and so instead the kids just worried worried worried.
I can’t stop being crazy but hopefully we can cut down on the worrying.
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How to feel old
Jun 28, 2006 The Story of My Life
1. Go to myspace because an evil friend sent you the link to a mutual friend.
2. Get a pseudo-membership so you can access blogs and pictures.
3. Begin to see stalking possibilities and commence stalking.
4. Locate ex-boyfriends: no surprises.
5. Locate ex-friends: no surprises.
6. Look up children you used to babysit for and see they are all in college and apparently have full-grown faces and bodies.
7. Say out loud to the screen, “Why, I used to wipe your tushie and now look at you trolling for dates on the internet! And such language! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”
8. Turn off computer sound because the stuff the kids these days are listening to just sounds like so much noise.
I. Am. So. Old.
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Tags: boyfriend, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, myspace, stalking
Humidity
Jun 27, 2006 The Story of My Life
It’s not that hot out today but the humidity is at 99%. I get terrible headaches in the summer and frankly could not survive happily without air conditioning. I spend most hot days feeling guilty (the cost! the environment!) but thankful. I mean, I could have been born more than 150 years ago when not only would I be living without air conditioning but I’d be having to squint at my embroidery (I have astigmatism) and would be sweating in layers of petticoats. In short, I’ll take the guilt.
I’m getting an “error 28” on my anotherchild.com site again. This has happened on both sites before and I think it’s a hosting issue. It’s incredibly frustrating and I hope they can tell me how to avoid whatever it is I’m doing to screw with my temp file.
I’m taking a breather from work because I have lots to do around the house and an earache (from making so many phone calls last week) to boot. Madison is sleeping, Noah’s at the library, and I’m about to go lie down on my bed with a book. It feels enormously decadent to even consider such a thing.
