Comments on: Loaded comments http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/loaded-comments/ writing, mothering, writing about mothering Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:41:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: hmbalison http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/loaded-comments/#comment-13285 hmbalison Mon, 13 Mar 2006 17:43:27 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2081#comment-13285 Dawn, We've never met, but I feel like you are a kindered spirit in my life. You write so well about the issues of loving our children and adoption and about when both issues collide. Your Salon article was bound to stir up feelings for all involved. I believe in open adoption, too. Is it a perfect system? No. Do all relationships (whether bio/adoptive/your own family/friends/pets) ebb and flow? Yes. That's the way of life. We all do the best we can. That's all we can do. HMBalison Dawn,
We’ve never met, but I feel like you are a kindered spirit in my life. You write so well about the issues of loving our children and adoption and about when both issues collide. Your Salon article was bound to stir up feelings for all involved. I believe in open adoption, too. Is it a perfect system? No. Do all relationships (whether bio/adoptive/your own family/friends/pets) ebb and flow? Yes. That’s the way of life.

We all do the best we can. That’s all we can do.

HMBalison

]]> By: hmbalison http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/loaded-comments/#comment-13284 hmbalison Mon, 13 Mar 2006 17:42:36 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2081#comment-13284 Dawn, We've never met, but I feel like you are a kindered spirit in my life. You write so well about the issues of loving our children and adoption and about when both issues collide. Your Salon article was bound to stir up feelings for all involved. I believe in open adoption, too. Is it a perfect system? No. Do all relationships (whether bio/adoptive/your own family/friends/pets) ebb and flow? Yes. That's the way of life. We all do the best we can. That's all we can do. HMBalison Dawn,
We’ve never met, but I feel like you are a kindered spirit in my life. You write so well about the issues of loving our children and adoption and about when both issues collide. Your Salon article was bound to stir up feelings for all involved. I believe in open adoption, too. Is it a perfect system? No. Do all relationships (whether bio/adoptive/your own family/friends/pets) ebb and flow? Yes. That’s the way of life.

We all do the best we can. That’s all we can do.

HMBalison

]]> By: Bacchus2530 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/loaded-comments/#comment-13283 Bacchus2530 Mon, 13 Mar 2006 06:59:27 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2081#comment-13283 Dawn, You always write such thoughtful and insiteful observations. My mother was always trying to explain how she could love her three children differently and equally at the same time. People never understood that love adapts to fit the people involved. Today she says it with pride, that yes she loved her children differently. We each needed different things, she still does. Dawn, You always write such thoughtful and insiteful observations. My mother was always trying to explain how she could love her three children differently and equally at the same time. People never understood that love adapts to fit the people involved. Today she says it with pride, that yes she loved her children differently. We each needed different things, she still does.

]]> By: KrisAnne http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/loaded-comments/#comment-13282 KrisAnne Mon, 13 Mar 2006 03:06:44 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2081#comment-13282 Dawn, thanks for taking the time to expand more on your thoughts. I find it all very interesting. Upon further reflection, I guess I'd have to say that your situation is about as ideal as any I have heard, and I think that's why it appeals to so many people...it sounds like it was easy, natural, and possible for it to be fully open. In many ways, I'd like to be in your shoes. I love my childrens' birthmothers very much. One of them holds a very intense bond and connection for me...I believe she is someone who I was meant to be joined to in life, as corny as that sounds. Unfortunately, there are many extenuating circumstances that disallow open adoption with visitation. We basically are doing our best and muddling through. If all birthmothers were like Madison's birthmother, I suspect you'd see tons more open adoptions. Dawn, thanks for taking the time to expand more on your thoughts. I find it all very interesting. Upon further reflection, I guess I’d have to say that your situation is about as ideal as any I have heard, and I think that’s why it appeals to so many people…it sounds like it was easy, natural, and possible for it to be fully open. In many ways, I’d like to be in your shoes. I love my childrens’ birthmothers very much. One of them holds a very intense bond and connection for me…I believe she is someone who I was meant to be joined to in life, as corny as that sounds. Unfortunately, there are many extenuating circumstances that disallow open adoption with visitation. We basically are doing our best and muddling through. If all birthmothers were like Madison’s birthmother, I suspect you’d see tons more open adoptions.

]]> By: wkh http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/loaded-comments/#comment-13281 wkh Mon, 13 Mar 2006 03:02:52 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2081#comment-13281 I think we all look at experiences through the glasses we have earned through experiences. Hence, OnTheFence Kim is probably a bit wary, and sees room for concern. I disagree strongly with her declaring open adoption is not a good idea. I think that's the experiences of people she's chosen to surround herself with, being as she's probably not real thrilled to be listening to anyone having a good time. Sort of like so-called "bitter birth moms" (I don't think they're bitter! And if they are, it's with reason!) There are also hordes of women out there grieving over babies they now feel they "killed" after having first trimester abortions by choice and later becoming rabidly anti-abortion by choice. I think you're also probably really naked feeling right now, since everyone is all up in your business and it's all out there on Salon and you can only say so damn much here or there in a few words. No one can get a whole example of a relationship from a 2500 word article nor from reading your blog even. But, what I do know, is I trust Dawn and Brett to make the best decisions they can with all the information they have for their children. And if I don't get it (sometimes, I felt like shaking you and saying damn girl, you are Madison's mom now for whatever reason, get in there and stop feeling guilty about it! ;-) I know there's something I maybe don't know because after reading and knowing you for nearly a decade now (yes dear, that long!) I know I feel you are always conscientous and doing nothing lightly or without much (sometimes too much!) thought! :-) I went and had coffee with a sobbing birth mom today, who happened to have given my husband up -excuse me, had him virtually stolen, yes, for real- almost three decades ago. She's going through a lot of stuff that many moms go through earlier. She tried to cut off contact. I explained to her she was part of our family now. And we weren't going anywhere. I also explained how DH sees being stolen as entirely different from the fact his parents adopted him. She never realized he saw them as two separate events. So she's not going to run anymore, but she's hurting. Hard. Her english has improved majorly with a new job she got a few months ago, and I told her I'd send her some net resources. I don't know if she will ever post something, but I know she'll read and feel not so very alone anymore. So, we were really scared there. It could have bombed entirely today. But the risk was worth it. Her bio-step-grandkids (my kids, not DH's, and FYI we do NOT use that term I am just using it for clarification!) love her and I love her (waaaaay more than my mil but that's another story) and sometimes it hurts and is scary and confusing... but it's worth it. Pardon my comment hogging. I think we all look at experiences through the glasses we have earned through experiences.

Hence, OnTheFence Kim is probably a bit wary, and sees room for concern. I disagree strongly with her declaring open adoption is not a good idea. I think that’s the experiences of people she’s chosen to surround herself with, being as she’s probably not real thrilled to be listening to anyone having a good time. Sort of like so-called “bitter birth moms” (I don’t think they’re bitter! And if they are, it’s with reason!) There are also hordes of women out there grieving over babies they now feel they “killed” after having first trimester abortions by choice and later becoming rabidly anti-abortion by choice.

I think you’re also probably really naked feeling right now, since everyone is all up in your business and it’s all out there on Salon and you can only say so damn much here or there in a few words. No one can get a whole example of a relationship from a 2500 word article nor from reading your blog even.

But, what I do know, is I trust Dawn and Brett to make the best decisions they can with all the information they have for their children. And if I don’t get it (sometimes, I felt like shaking you and saying damn girl, you are Madison’s mom now for whatever reason, get in there and stop feeling guilty about it! ;-) I know there’s something I maybe don’t know because after reading and knowing you for nearly a decade now (yes dear, that long!) I know I feel you are always conscientous and doing nothing lightly or without much (sometimes too much!) thought! :-)
I went and had coffee with a sobbing birth mom today, who happened to have given my husband up -excuse me, had him virtually stolen, yes, for real- almost three decades ago. She’s going through a lot of stuff that many moms go through earlier. She tried to cut off contact. I explained to her she was part of our family now. And we weren’t going anywhere. I also explained how DH sees being stolen as entirely different from the fact his parents adopted him. She never realized he saw them as two separate events. So she’s not going to run anymore, but she’s hurting. Hard. Her english has improved majorly with a new job she got a few months ago, and I told her I’d send her some net resources. I don’t know if she will ever post something, but I know she’ll read and feel not so very alone anymore.

So, we were really scared there. It could have bombed entirely today. But the risk was worth it. Her bio-step-grandkids (my kids, not DH’s, and FYI we do NOT use that term I am just using it for clarification!) love her and I love her (waaaaay more than my mil but that’s another story) and sometimes it hurts and is scary and confusing… but it’s worth it.

Pardon my comment hogging.

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