Comments on: Frustrated http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/frustrated/ dawn friedman's blog Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:37:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: cloudscome http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/frustrated/#comment-13278 cloudscome Tue, 14 Mar 2006 17:41:27 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2080#comment-13278 Thank you so much for that Salon article. I ate it up. I am following all these comments and your further comments and it is giving me so much to think about! Thank you thank you thank you for the courage and will and gumption to go there and keep going... and write! and publish! YAY!! Thank you so much for that Salon article. I ate it up. I am following all these comments and your further comments and it is giving me so much to think about!

Thank you thank you thank you for the courage and will and gumption to go there and keep going… and write! and publish! YAY!!

]]> By: Brandi http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/frustrated/#comment-13277 Brandi Mon, 13 Mar 2006 22:15:55 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2080#comment-13277 Both I and our son's first mom felt your article was very powerful and uplifting. Thanks for sharing your story. Both I and our son’s first mom felt your article was very powerful and uplifting. Thanks for sharing your story.

]]> By: shannon http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/frustrated/#comment-13276 shannon Mon, 13 Mar 2006 22:01:32 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2080#comment-13276 I think that's a great response. I have to say I agree 100%. Any parenting journey will be fraught with difficult explanations to children you'd rather protect from all hurt. But I think trying to deal with difficulties teaches children that people are worth the trouble of being in relationship; that people and relationships with them are of primary iportance in life, rather than taking an easier way that leaves people in the dust, even psychically. While our adoption isn't as open as we'd hoped it would be it is 100% open in the sense of our door ALWAYS being open, forever, to whatever Nat's birth mother/family is interested in. And Nat will always know as much about her birthmother/family as we can share and as much as her mother is willing to share. She will undoubtedly grieve what she doesn't have, but she will know everyone who loves her did their very best to be as good a family as they could. And that is a lesson worth pain. Besides, closed adoptions don't prevent the pain of loss anyway. I think that’s a great response. I have to say I agree 100%. Any parenting journey will be fraught with difficult explanations to children you’d rather protect from all hurt. But I think trying to deal with difficulties teaches children that people are worth the trouble of being in relationship; that people and relationships with them are of primary iportance in life, rather than taking an easier way that leaves people in the dust, even psychically.

While our adoption isn’t as open as we’d hoped it would be it is 100% open in the sense of our door ALWAYS being open, forever, to whatever Nat’s birth mother/family is interested in. And Nat will always know as much about her birthmother/family as we can share and as much as her mother is willing to share.

She will undoubtedly grieve what she doesn’t have, but she will know everyone who loves her did their very best to be as good a family as they could. And that is a lesson worth pain. Besides, closed adoptions don’t prevent the pain of loss anyway.

]]> By: OnTheFence http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/frustrated/#comment-13275 OnTheFence Mon, 13 Mar 2006 01:19:48 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2080#comment-13275 Dawn, By no means do I think you are naive. I loved the article, I could relate, but I still will keep to my original opinions and comments. I've said over and over gain I can't wait to find out how open adoption fairs over time. And its not that I am against openness in adoption, I think it should be something that gradually comes with time. I will be the first to say that I hope your relationship is successful. That you don't hit any pitfalls, that Madison's birthmother continues onward with the current relationship, and that it all ends up "happy-dappy". Just know that there are some of us who have tried to have the most ethical adoptions possible, tried to maintain openness with birthparents, and it didn't work out. While my feelings can be hurt, and my husband and I angry, the one person hurt most of all in this experience will be "our" son, hers and mine. Kim Dawn, By no means do I think you are naive.
I loved the article, I could relate, but I still will keep to my original opinions and comments. I’ve said over and over gain I can’t wait to find out how open adoption fairs over time. And its not that I am against openness in adoption, I think it should be something that gradually comes with time.
I will be the first to say that I hope your relationship is successful. That you don’t hit any pitfalls, that Madison’s birthmother continues onward with the current relationship, and that it all ends up “happy-dappy”.
Just know that there are some of us who have tried to have the most ethical adoptions possible, tried to maintain openness with birthparents, and it didn’t work out. While my feelings can be hurt, and my husband and I angry, the one person hurt most of all in this experience will be “our” son, hers and mine.

Kim

]]> By: Kateri http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/03/12/frustrated/#comment-13274 Kateri Sun, 12 Mar 2006 19:18:23 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=2080#comment-13274 I wanted to tell you, Dawn, that I loved your article in Salon. And I agree with everything you say here. Open adoption is a kinship relationship, and it carries all the emotional risk and reward of "normal" relationships. I'm thrilled that you got into Salon. I'm sure you opened some eyes. I wanted to tell you, Dawn, that I loved your article in Salon. And I agree with everything you say here. Open adoption is a kinship relationship, and it carries all the emotional risk and reward of “normal” relationships.

I’m thrilled that you got into Salon. I’m sure you opened some eyes.

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