Comments on: Why it sucks to be my friend Paige http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/01/26/why-it-sucks-to-be-my-friend-paige/ writing, mothering, writing about mothering Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:27:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: jobiska http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/01/26/why-it-sucks-to-be-my-friend-paige/#comment-2867 jobiska Sun, 29 Jan 2006 18:03:05 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=909#comment-2867 Well, my son (now 11) is a very tricky boy...very bright and from that very verbal at an early age, and this masked some of his issues (attentional/OT stuff). So he ended up not getting help until way after he would have been eligible for early intervention...which means it all came out of our pocket (OT, social skills groups, and on and on). Not that it wasn't worth it, of course. I agree that the defensiveness/protectiveness is a big issue, but I have to say that the few times people (not as well trained as Paige) made offhand comments to me about Doodle's obviously having something "off," it was so vague and thus implied that there was something morally/emotionally wrong with him, which of course set the defenses up. If Paige wants to say things, I'd approach it very carefully and always couched in the viewpoint of her experience...maybe not directly but in the form of casual, offhand comments about things she used to see or the work she used to do...so as to pique the other mom's interest rather than set her defenses up. We did go the rounds of experts early on several times, and nobody found anything that they could say might not be ascribed to simple immaturity, but I think if an experienced OT had seen him s/he might have been able to say "hey, I see this happening" early on and thus Doodle would have gotten help earlier and a lot of heartache and $ would have been saved. I find OT issues to be so much easier to take (as a mom) because they so obviously have a physical/brain basis rather than bringing in questions of morality or emotional health. Well, my son (now 11) is a very tricky boy…very bright and from that very verbal at an early age, and this masked some of his issues (attentional/OT stuff). So he ended up not getting help until way after he would have been eligible for early intervention…which means it all came out of our pocket (OT, social skills groups, and on and on). Not that it wasn’t worth it, of course. I agree that the defensiveness/protectiveness is a big issue, but I have to say that the few times people (not as well trained as Paige) made offhand comments to me about Doodle’s obviously having something “off,” it was so vague and thus implied that there was something morally/emotionally wrong with him, which of course set the defenses up. If Paige wants to say things, I’d approach it very carefully and always couched in the viewpoint of her experience…maybe not directly but in the form of casual, offhand comments about things she used to see or the work she used to do…so as to pique the other mom’s interest rather than set her defenses up.

We did go the rounds of experts early on several times, and nobody found anything that they could say might not be ascribed to simple immaturity, but I think if an experienced OT had seen him s/he might have been able to say “hey, I see this happening” early on and thus Doodle would have gotten help earlier and a lot of heartache and $ would have been saved.

I find OT issues to be so much easier to take (as a mom) because they so obviously have a physical/brain basis rather than bringing in questions of morality or emotional health.

]]> By: Rita http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/01/26/why-it-sucks-to-be-my-friend-paige/#comment-2866 Rita Sun, 29 Jan 2006 08:07:57 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=909#comment-2866 Hi, I'm a mother of 4 from rural BC Canada. My oldest is 24, my second,21, a boy with Fragile X, my 3rd an adopted boy(since birth) and my 4th, a girl also adopted and born cocaine addicted. She is my 5 year old's biological sibling. I was able to nurse my 5 year old but my little girl was too 'sketchy' and disorganized to nurse and had to be swaddled and her head held still for her to take her bottle. My 21 year old had a lot of problems especially in primary grades at school. After battling with Ministry of Education officials I ended up driving him to a school about 40 miles away for 5 years. I also worked with a multiple disabled little girl (born deaf/blind and hydrocephalic) for nearly 4 years but could not follow her into kindergarten since school board superintendent saw me as a troublemaker. Anyway, I'm a strong proponent of early intervention, but I can relate to the intrusiveness of helpful but possibly judgmental occ therapist and speech or infant development workers catching me with a floor full of toys and a sink full of dishes. Hi, I’m a mother of 4 from rural BC Canada. My oldest is 24, my second,21, a boy with Fragile X, my 3rd an adopted boy(since birth) and my 4th, a girl also adopted and born cocaine addicted. She is my 5 year old’s biological sibling. I was able to nurse my 5 year old but my little girl was too ’sketchy’ and disorganized to nurse and had to be swaddled and her head held still for her to take her bottle. My 21 year old had a lot of problems especially in primary grades at school. After battling with Ministry of Education officials I ended up driving him to a school about 40 miles away for 5 years. I also worked with a multiple disabled little girl (born deaf/blind and hydrocephalic) for nearly 4 years but could not follow her into kindergarten since school board superintendent saw me as a troublemaker. Anyway, I’m a strong proponent of early intervention, but I can relate to the intrusiveness of helpful but possibly judgmental occ therapist and speech or infant development workers catching me with a floor full of toys and a sink full of dishes.

]]> By: gawdessness http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/01/26/why-it-sucks-to-be-my-friend-paige/#comment-2865 gawdessness Fri, 27 Jan 2006 18:41:58 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=909#comment-2865 It sucks to be in the know and not be able to do much about it. I have now got some seriously strained relationships because of it. Great post. Thanks to both you and Paige. It sucks to be in the know and not be able to do much about it.

I have now got some seriously strained relationships because of it.

Great post. Thanks to both you and Paige.

]]> By: paige http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/01/26/why-it-sucks-to-be-my-friend-paige/#comment-2864 paige Fri, 27 Jan 2006 18:34:55 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=909#comment-2864 Can I just say that I'm glad you think it sucks to be me because of my immense stores of EI knowledge and not because my thighs are the size of redwoods? Can I also say that after chatting about EI yesterday I had a crazy dream last night that a HUGE EI team stopped by (without calling first--in my dream I knew they were coming, but assumed I'd get a call) and there I was in my pajamas, dirty dishes in the sink, Elliott watching tv--SCARY, SCARY dream. Virtual wave to Melanie and the 3 (plus C of course)! Thanks for adding to my 15 minutes of fame... Can I just say that I’m glad you think it sucks to be me because of my immense stores of EI knowledge and not because my thighs are the size of redwoods?

Can I also say that after chatting about EI yesterday I had a crazy dream last night that a HUGE EI team stopped by (without calling first–in my dream I knew they were coming, but assumed I’d get a call) and there I was in my pajamas, dirty dishes in the sink, Elliott watching tv–SCARY, SCARY dream.

Virtual wave to Melanie and the 3 (plus C of course)!

Thanks for adding to my 15 minutes of fame…

]]> By: Melanie http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2006/01/26/why-it-sucks-to-be-my-friend-paige/#comment-2863 Melanie Fri, 27 Jan 2006 15:52:11 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=909#comment-2863 Wait-- is this Paige a recent transplant from an east coast city and does her son's name begin with E.? Wait– is this Paige a recent transplant from an east coast city and does her son’s name begin with E.?

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