I’m at coffee & schmooze
It’s the room the synagogue sets aside for parents with coffee (natch) and donuts and room for me to work on my laptop. I just found out that one of the women in charge of children’s education is a convert, too. Nice.
I finished up an essay I’d been working on for awhile. Not sure how happy I am with it yet.
I went to L’s party last night and as I said to the person I brought with me, “I am not meant for this party.” So we said good-bye to our esteemed host and hostess and snuck out the back so we wouldn’t have to wriggle through the crowds of people more sophisticated than we. At first it was fun to people watch and then it was not so fun.
I am introvert who can fake extroversion if I get some time/space to wind down but there are some circumstances that press my abilities way too far and this was one of them. People are usually surprised to find out I’m introverted because I can fake social ease even when I’m sweating bullets and feel like my head is going to explode. I have a hard time making eye contact (and I’m surprised more people don’t notice this) so I put my eyes out of focus and force myself to at least glance at someone while we’re talking. This is made worse if we’re in a place where there are other people circulating (parties, malls, etc.), which is something I just realized as I typed this out. But because I can pass as someone who is comfortable in crowds, sometimes I come across as more bored or hostile than I feel. I can seem rude when really I’m just coping.
It helps knowing this about myself because now I don’t generally get in over my head very often. There are things I’ve learned about getting through a party: I don’t really drink alcohol because it just makes thing worse. At most event I try to find a glass of water so at least I have something in my hands. I station myself someplace where I can watch the room but have my back to the wall. (My brother calls this “the mafia seat” because it gives you a clear view of the entrance.) If I can glom on to someone more social than I, I can count on them to help get me through a few introductions so that a room full of strangers will start seeming more palatable. I try to smile even if I don’t feel smile-y because that goes a long way. But if I’m not up to it, I’m just not up to it. Last night I wasn’t up to it.
Fortunately my friend L knows this about me so she wasn’t offended when I said, “I have to leave. Now.” Instead she showed me the way to get out the back.
Isn’t it nice to have friends who get it? And she’s an extrovert but she gets it anyway. Go figure.
I am the same way. I can fake it if necessary but I don’t like situations where I have to mingle and make small talk. Any gathering involving more than 4 people and I become uncomfortable. Thankfully, Ben is the opposite so I latch on to him or find one or two other people to sit in a corner with me and have an in depth conversation about something….anything.
This makes me like you even more. I am just the same. Except I don’t know if I fake it all that well. I can have a fairly involved conversation with someone and walk away and realize that not only do I have *no idea* what they were wearing but probably would not recognize them if I bump into them again. This is because I am so concerned about myself and only pretend glancing at them from time to time. Glomming is the way to go.
Ahhh the ole debate… introvert versus extrovert. I’ll say–from someone on the extrovert side of the scale, sorta (I scored exactly in the middle on my last Myers Briggs test a whole 10 years ago, but I know I lean extrovert)–it is tough in crowds for everyone. The small talk. It kills me every time. If you can talk deep topics, I’ll chime in, but small talk is grueling for anyone, anywhere on the introvert/extrovert scale.
GREAT!! A convert too? You’re converting? You’ve converted? I’d like to convert as well. Could you recommend any good literature? Also, would you be willing to participate in a discourse about the conversion process? Pretty please with sugar on top? Thanks. M.D.
Its great to hear that I’m not crazy for sticking to someone who is totally social just so I don’t have too say much. As well as wanting to be in a part of the room where I can see everyone else and having an escape plan so I don’t have to deal with too many people. I am supposed to be an introvert with extrovert qualities but honestly I feel like people are taking my precious energy if I have to ’socialize’ too much and then I have no energy to live my normal life!!