this woman’s work

My writer friend, Kris Bordessa was asking for input on a presentation she’s going to do on communication. I think the whole world could use more of those presentations.

FYI to the world (especially the world who visits my job and makes it harder):

–You can have an opinion and you can feel strongly about it. However sayiing, “People who do those things are stupid!” is not a very appropriate way to express that opinion. It is unlikely to bring people around to your way of seeing things, for one, and it disrupts the community you purportedly care about, for two. If you insist on saying, “People who do those things are stupid!” with the defense, “Hey, it’s just my opinion!” I will assume that you care more about being an insulting, vicious presence on the board than about either the community or the issue that drives your statement. In other words, it is clear to me that you are not the strong-minded activists you pretend to be and really you are a person who enjoys being angry and unkind.

–No, you don’t have to pretend to agree with people with whom you don’t agree. You don’t have to keep your opinions to yourself. But if your goal really is communicating your thoughts, feelings and opinions and not causing a row, you might want to think about how you express yourself. If someone gets their feelings hurt over something you said, apologizing is not giving in to them. You may want to look at what you’ve said and think about a more effective, less offensive way of saying it. Note I said more effective. Again, if your goal is to communicate, you will have to understand that whether or not a person hears what you’re saying rests in part on your ability to say it well. Yes, there will always be crazy people hell-bent on misunderstanding you but if you keep your nose clean, the rest of the community is likely to get the drift.

–It might be best to let sleeping dogs lie. I know. That’s a hard one. I always like to have the last word, too. I often go to bed and then wake up the next morning with the perfect comeback. Sometimes a person just has to walk away, hit delete or close the window. (I could stand to take this paragraph to heart myself.)

In short, you don’t win a debate by bludgeoning people with your opinions and you can do way more harm than good when you try.

Ok, thanks for letting me get that out.

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