this woman’s work

*knock* *knock*
Me: Yes?
Opportunity: Hi, I’m opportunity and I’m knocking!
Me: Wow! Really! I’ll take it!
Opp: Great! First we’ll just need you to fill out these forms.
Me: What?
Opp: In triplicate, please.
Me: Forms?
Opp: Do you have a blue pen? Our computers only scan blue or black. Black will work.
Me: But I’ll take it. What are the forms for?
Opp: That’s to see whether or not you make the next level. See, I’m only opportunity; I don’t come with any guarantees.
Me: But that’s a lot of work!
Opp: Hey, nobody said that opportunity comes easy.
Me: I don’t know if I can fit you in right now. Could you come back?
Opp: Maybe. Generally I like to make repeat visits if people keep their lights on for me but I can’t make you any guarantees about it. And to be perfectly honest it’s unlikely that I’ll come back in quite this way.
Me: So this could be it?
Opp: Not it exactly but this is one version of it and it may be the best version. There’s really no telling; I’m just opportunity not fulfillment, failure or success, mind you. They’re the hot shots who run this thing.
Me: But that’s not fair! How can I know whether or not to take you up on this? Jeez! Can’t you cut me a break?
Opp: I’m sorry, ma’m. I understand what a challenge this is and you certainly have your hands full what with the little tyke smearing yogurt on her highchair there (she’s pretty cute, by the way) but rules are rules.
Me: Well, can you leave the forms then? I’ll try to sit down with them when I catch my breath later this week.
Opp: Sure thing. Just remember that submission is time sensitive and you do understand, of course, that I’m also banging on some other doors with this particular situation. Good luck and maybe we’ll hook up again somewhere down the road!

So now these metaphorical forms are here and I’ll be staring at them guiltily while I figure out what to do.

Damn opportunity.

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