Comments on: Family trees and personal roots http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/12/07/family-trees-and-personal-roots/ dawn friedman's blog Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:33:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Nimitz' Lady http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/12/07/family-trees-and-personal-roots/#comment-2475 Nimitz' Lady Thu, 08 Dec 2005 04:07:33 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=832#comment-2475 Delurking to say: I can't speak about trans-cultural adoption firsthand. But did want to share some of my own experiences. I am half Puerto Rican on my father's side and half All American mutt on my mother's side. My parents divorced when I was four and I grew up with my mother only. I spent the next 14 years trying to "discover" my Puerto Rican roots. I became fluent in Spanish, learned to cook Puerto Rican foods, even tried my hand (feet?) at learning Puerto Rican dances. In the end, I learned as an adult that I actually knew more about my Puerto Rican heritage than any of my cousins raised within the folds of our Puerto Rican family. And it has nothing to do with *who* I am. My 2 cents worth: Encourage your child to learn what she wants to learn about her heritage, but don't push it on her. Knowing your parents are behind you no matter what is the most important factor in helping establish your own identity as a teen and young adult. Hope this helps the "worriers" out there. (Of whom I am unashamedly one!) Nimitz' Lady Delurking to say:

I can’t speak about trans-cultural adoption firsthand. But did want to share some of my own experiences.

I am half Puerto Rican on my father’s side and half All American mutt on my mother’s side.

My parents divorced when I was four and I grew up with my mother only.

I spent the next 14 years trying to “discover” my Puerto Rican roots.

I became fluent in Spanish, learned to cook Puerto Rican foods, even tried my hand (feet?) at learning Puerto Rican dances.

In the end, I learned as an adult that I actually knew more about my Puerto Rican heritage than any of my cousins raised within the folds of our Puerto Rican family. And it has nothing to do with *who* I am.

My 2 cents worth: Encourage your child to learn what she wants to learn about her heritage, but don’t push it on her.

Knowing your parents are behind you no matter what is the most important factor in helping establish your own identity as a teen and young adult.

Hope this helps the “worriers” out there. (Of whom I am unashamedly one!)

Nimitz’ Lady

]]> By: mamamarta http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/12/07/family-trees-and-personal-roots/#comment-2474 mamamarta Wed, 07 Dec 2005 23:14:56 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=832#comment-2474 sometimes i worry that we're not giving enough conscious thought to celebrating micah's birth culture, and sometimes i think that we're actually doing a pretty good job of it so we don't need to be so self-consciuos about it.... having recently tapped into the transracial adoption blogosphere (how did i not know you guys were here??), i'm spending more time wondering if i've given it enough thought. the thing is -- we live in a predominately african-american neighborhood. while we don't have a lot of really close personal friends who are african-american, we have goo-gobs of neighbors with whom we are very friendly and who dote on micah (our 2.5yo aa son). we attend a racially integrated church where there are also several african and african-american families who adore him. he will go to a progressive, predominately african-american school. many of his playmates are either aa, bi-racial aa, or african. some of them are transracially adopted, some of them from transracial families by birth. we live in a home which has long been full of art, books and music which celebrate african american culture -- and has since long before micah joined our family. the thing is, none of this is anything we've done because we adopted micah. indeed, the reason we felt equipped to adopt micah was precisely because this is how our lives already looked. i do so wish i knew more about micah's birthfamily.... alas, at their insistence, our adoption is closed. what i know about them is that they live in the same city we do and they are all "african-american" -- no more detail than that -- except one great grandfather who is puerto rican. so i wonder.... should i be giving this more thought? is it my obligation to always be vigilent and self-consciously celebrating his culture, or is it possible to someday actually just be *doing it*, without really thinking about it all the time? marta, who does indeed think too much when given the slightest provocation sometimes i worry that we’re not giving enough conscious thought to celebrating micah’s birth culture, and sometimes i think that we’re actually doing a pretty good job of it so we don’t need to be so self-consciuos about it…. having recently tapped into the transracial adoption blogosphere (how did i not know you guys were here??), i’m spending more time wondering if i’ve given it enough thought. the thing is — we live in a predominately african-american neighborhood. while we don’t have a lot of really close personal friends who are african-american, we have goo-gobs of neighbors with whom we are very friendly and who dote on micah (our 2.5yo aa son). we attend a racially integrated church where there are also several african and african-american families who adore him. he will go to a progressive, predominately african-american school. many of his playmates are either aa, bi-racial aa, or african. some of them are transracially adopted, some of them from transracial families by birth. we live in a home which has long been full of art, books and music which celebrate african american culture — and has since long before micah joined our family. the thing is, none of this is anything we’ve done because we adopted micah. indeed, the reason we felt equipped to adopt micah was precisely because this is how our lives already looked.

i do so wish i knew more about micah’s birthfamily…. alas, at their insistence, our adoption is closed. what i know about them is that they live in the same city we do and they are all “african-american” — no more detail than that — except one great grandfather who is puerto rican.

so i wonder…. should i be giving this more thought? is it my obligation to always be vigilent and self-consciously celebrating his culture, or is it possible to someday actually just be *doing it*, without really thinking about it all the time?

marta, who does indeed think too much when given the slightest provocation

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