Tracy asked about surrogacy
You know, as far as the primal wound stuff goes. Well, one of the antiadoption considered being a surrogate (to help an infertile family NOT ADOPT) but a lot of the primal wound stuff is about the biological act of carrying a child. Then again a lot of it is also about seeing yourself reflected in the eyes of another so it might be that gestational surrogacy with the egg of the intended mom would pass muster.
But yeah, it’s an imperfect world. Surrogacy can be a perfect choice in an imperfect world.
Also, the information about adoptees is based on anecdotal research. I don’t think there’s been the same research done on persons born from surrogacy or embryo donation or egg/sperm donation although I believe it’s starting. It seems like I’ve read about the medical outcomes for ART but not so much the emotional outcomes. A little bit maybe. And I think at least with sperm/egg/embryo donation that those children have some — but not all — of the same issues of adopted kids.
I do think that a lot of the issues around adoption come up not just because of the primal (i.e., biological) connection but also because of our attitudes about families. Think of the language of adoption — “gave up,” “abandoned,” “unwanted.” That’s just not part of the vocabulary of ART. So even if the bio component (the mourning a child might do when leaving the womb of his surrogate for the arms of his intended mother) is present, I think the intentions from start to finish make a difference.
I don’t know though. Anyone else have any thoughts on this?
I belong to a YahooGroup called AdoptionParenting, and, in an interesting synchronicity, the topic of “embryo adoption” came up. Apparently, there was an ad in Adoptive Families for embryo adoption, and this upset one of the posters…and led to the question of, is using donor embryo/donor egg/donor sperm “adoption” or not?
There are three groups: those vehemently opposed to considering it adoption (it’s a “fertility treatment”), those vehemently in favor of considering it adoption and expecting the adult offspring of such approaches to encounter similar issues to adoption, and those who are somewhat bewilderedly in the middle, trying to figure out what the controversy is about. I’m in the second group, myself.
The one thing people who are “pre-birth adoptees” probably won’t have to struggle with is the primal wound…as they are raised with the same mothers who carried them in their bodies, there is likely to be no wrenching transition. The intellectual issues, the “where do I come from?”, “who do I look like?” will be there, but the “why did they abandon me? Am I unlovable?” question won’t be there.
All very interesting.