Oh my lord, it’s GORGEOUS out
It was sunny and windy — warm, too — earlier and now it’s getting overcast and windy. It’s exciting weather! I love fall.
Madison fell asleep while I was combing her hair today. This is the second time she’s done that so I’m filing it away in my “useful information” file.
Nathalie asked, “to me it is always coming down to the split between the public and the private. I think we create stories but I haven’t thought of these as truths. Can you say more about that?”
I over use this phrase (you may have noticed) but I’m obsessed with the social constructs that we take for granted. During our infertility, I was interested in the way infertility exists both in our bodies (whatever it is that makes us infertile) and in our heads (if you don’t want a baby then are you still infertile?). With adoption, I’m interested in the way it highlights our assumptions about parenthood and family.
When I wanted to write a book about secondary infertility what I wanted was to explore the dichotomy in being both a mother and infertile. For example, I wanted to look at the assumptions we have about only children and then use that to illuminate what we believe about motherhood. Sometimes what’s missing (another baby) high-lights ideas we didn’t know we had. I’d still like to write that, I think. Typing up this paragraph got me kinda interested in that again. See, secondary infertility makes you a walking oxymoron and that’s interesting.
Back to what I meant in the paragraph below. So like you’re infertile and it sucks. WHY does it suck? Is it the pure biology of it? Is it our ingrained ideas about what we need to be a woman? What is our truth about infertility? What is the outside truth about infertility? How does this create and sustain our struggle? How do we create a new truth? If you’ve decided to live child-free, are you still infertile? Babble babble.
Hey, can someone tell me how to get the (invisible to me) blogad over in my sidebar? Thanks muchly.
Yes, such! a! fabulous! day!
secondary infertility is so interesting tome, and I know so many women who have experienced it. I can’t even count how many have said “If one more person tells me, well, at least you have x, and y, so maybe it’s enough…”
Had it said to me for years. and at certain points I wanted another baby but couldn’t carry full-term so thought of myself as infertile, but then when I stopped wanting so much because my life got so complicated, I just thought there wasn’t room, and didn’t even think about the issue of fertility. And then I got pregnant by accident again, carried almost full-term, had a healthy girl, and so where went the infertility?
why does it suck? The wanting. It’s that human condition thing. For a lot of women it’s a baby, others it’s that specific job, or partner…it’s wanting what for some reason we don’t/can’t have. The thinking. The blaming. The constant bombardment of messages from society, family.
This isn’t coherent, is it? Sorry. I’m going to try to do a post about it, because it’s a lot of stuff I’ve…well…stuffed. You know?
I think you need to write this book. I can name several people whom it would help. Hello! Me!
Dawn,
No secondary infertility for me. Just plain old complete infertility. Your thoughts still connect because infertility can rear its ugly head when I least expect it. I’ve created a wonderful family via adoption. My daughter is nearly 8, and neither my husband nor I want any more kids. I’m happy with my life. So, what’s made infertility come roaring to the surface this week? I skipped my period. I’ve had perimenopause symptoms for several years–hot flashes, short periods, night sweats…etc. etc. So, my period never comes–though I do get PMS…and I wait and wait. In the dark of night last Sat. I’m in bed, and what flame burst forth after all these years? “Maybe I’m pregant!” I CANNOT believe my mind still went there -even for a nanosecond.I know all about the obvious physical reasons I will NEVER be pregnant. Even still, I’ve walked around angry all week. I’m not ready to be in menopause. I’m only 42, and now it’s all over. My infertility is alive and well. Damn.
HMBalison