The same and different
Oct 25, 2005 Parenting
I was telling some people yesterday that I always thought I was an enormously patient mother and then I had Madison.
Noah was a different kind of hard as a toddler. He was quieter, never put anything in his mouth. He would play with tiny toys (like little rubber pigs that my sister gave him) by patiently lining them up and then he’d hum while he pushed them around. He was needy and clingy but that made playdates easier. He was happy to watch from the comfort and safety of my lap as the toddlers got into “mine!” disputes.
Madison is more roly-poly rambunctious. She puts everything in her mouth, she runs and screams, she has the attention span of a gnat (or a toddler). She’s in the middle of every fuss at playdates — she’s the cause of most of them. But as Becca promised, while she is turning my hair grey swiftly, she’s also doing a pretty good job of contributing to my laugh lines. I guess the rise in my blood pressure is a fair trade off for all the joy she brings.
I’m thinking that she may not be as all-out extroverted as I thought. Don’t get me wrong, she love love LOVES people. She’ll invite herself to any picnic, trot over to greet any stranger but she also gets strung out and weepy after a day of too much fun. And while she’s more independent than Noah in some ways (less likely to check my whereabouts when we’re playing somewhere) she is also more generous with her love and affection.
Definitely things were easier with Noah at this age but I think it wasn’t just him. It was also my life — no obligations beyond day-to-day mothering — and our apartment — too small for him to get into any trouble. I don’t spend my days gazing at Madison the way I spent them with Noah and that’s both easier (no more microscopie infatuation) and harder (I lose track of everything all the time). Mostly it’s all good. It’s nice to do it this way; it was nice to do it the other way.
And now the things that are the same.
Both were early walkers so I’ve never had an easy crawling age with either of my kids. Noah also had a decent vocabulary at this age although it wasn’t quite as good as hers. Both love books. Both are stubborn. Both are prone to the patent toddler glare and tantrum — although Madison’s glare is more severe and Noah’s tantrums were more intense. Madison bites and throws and Noah didn’t but he hit more. Both love music and both can be jollied out of bad moods if Brett or I sing to them. And like toddlers everywhere, both of them loved to dance — Noah was always serious and glowering when he danced, very focused. Madison is laughing and stomping when she dances.
At this age Noah acquiesced with a succint, “Ah do.” (We think it was a variation on “I do” as in, “Do you want a cookie?” that he started to use for “yes.”) Madison’s responses are more diverse, “OK,” “Yeah,” and my favorite, “Shzo,” which is “sure.” Noah said “no” with a curt, “No way” but Madison sticks with the tried and true, “NO!” shouted emphatically.
Noah had no favorite toy as a toddler. He flirted with his beanie-sized Tigger but mostly he rejected the whole idea of a transitional object. Madison has three blankies, which I rotate and wash continuously so that none becomes THE irreplaceable favorite.
At 18 months, Noah weighed maybe 20 pounds soaking wet. Madison is firmly at thrity and has been for some months.
Ummm, let’s see. What else?
Noah’s favorite foods (besides breastmilk) as a toddler was goat cheese, tofu, peas and goldfish crackers. Madison’s are way too many to name but grapes definitely tops her list.
I wanted to show a pic of each of them at the same age but don’t have any toddler Noah on this computer. My mom is going to try to send me one so I’ll update later if she does.
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Banned books revisited
Oct 24, 2005 Read/heard/seen
My friend Paige read my entry about the 100 most challenged books and she brought one over that I hadn’t read, Annie on my Mind. This copy had a terrible cover and I figured it to be another teen Issue book about Homosexuality, meant to Educate Impressionable Youth. But it’s not. It’s a very good portrayal of first love — beautifully written — and it gave this 35-year old straight woman an idea of what it must be like to be a teenage girl realizing that she’s gay.
I highly recommend it. My friend got it for a buck at a used book store so maybe you can, too.
(And here is an interview with the author, Nancy Garden. I think I just became a fan.
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Stessa says
Oct 21, 2005 Adoption
In her blog, brave boots, Stessa is writing about birth parent issues and she includes this quote from a book (go to her blog to see the whole excerpt — it’s worth it):
Smith says (and I include some of my own expansions here, too) that building a sense of entitlement involves three steps. A first step is in being honest with oneself about the motivating factors that brought you to adoption… for adoptive parents that means dealing with infertility or honestly acknowledging the good and the bad about other motivations for adopting; for adoptees this step involves understanding and accepting why a birthparent chose adoption rather than parenting; a grandparent may need to embrace his child’s philosophical drive to make the world a better place or to mourn the loss of his genetic connection to this particular grandchild. The second step is coming to understand and deal positively with a concept first discussed by sociologist H. David Kirk: that adoption is different from being related by birth in significant and unavoidable ways. The third step in building a sense of entitlement is to learn to deal straightforwardly with society’s widely held and broadly spread conviction that adoption is a second best alternative for everybody involved.
Entitlement is a tough one. I’m just quoting this here (too tired to write more) because I want you go to go over to Stessa’s and read the whole bit.
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Tags: Infertility
Here’s why freezing foods works
Oct 21, 2005 Parenting
So I’ve got friends coming over today and one of them is someone I haven’t seen in a long time and the other is someone I’m “fixing up” with the first. I’m excited about this playdate. Noah? Not so much. He’s playdated out. But that’s besides the point of this blog entry, which is about how glad I am to have frozen pumpkin cookies at the ready.
I had full intentions of making something lovely, something spicy so the house (on this gloomy autumn day) would smell delicious but my dearest toddler-girl had other ideas. These ideas included:
–Waking up extra-early so my head would feel full of cotton wool
–Spitting her smoothie all over the table to make her brother laugh
–Crying to find her smoothie all gone
–Trying to sit on the chunky little dollhouse potty and hurting herself in the process
–Falling off the chair she was climbing in while I was pouring my coffee
–Throwing the beads around the kitchen while I was drinking my coffee
–Weeping to find the beads thrown around the kitchen
–Eating crayons while I was washing the dishes
–Throwing her empty bowl into the wall in another misguided effort to make Noah laugh
–Asking for snacks (sesame sticks, grapes, goldfish) and then screaming, “NO!” when handed them
–Repeatedly turning the (empty) dishwasher on
In other words, if it weren’t for those pumpkin cookies in the freezer my guests would go hungry.
It was about two weeks ago that Madison discovered her inner-toddler and began the “Mine!” and “No!” common to these small people. Things that are “Mine!” include other people’s strollers and books (at the library). But she’s getting it. “Mine!” she’ll yell. “Stroh-her. No. Hers.”
This is the age where everything takes twice as long.
“Diaper change!” she demands. “Poopie!”
“Ok, let’s go,” I answer.
“NO!” she says, grabbing a book off the shelf. “I read!”
Then she notices the book isn’t one of her picture books.
“I read Mama’s book!” she says triumphantly.
“Let me know when you’re done,” I say serenely having had my coffee.
“Done! Diaper change!”
Oh the contrary world of the toddler!
She uses Daddy as a bargaining chip already. I’ll tell her she can’t do something and she’ll glower at me.
“Daddy! Want daddy!” she’ll wail. “Daddy work! Miss him! Boo-boo!”
(I love this, the way she uses “boo-boo” to signify psychological angst!)
She hasn’t peed on the potty again yet but when she asks to go I take her. Usually she asks to go while I’m going — it reminds her of what fun it is, I guess. Then she sits, makes a few tentative grunts and says apologetically, “No-o-o-o, FUSH!” It’s all about the flushing. I think that’s what she’s in this toilet gig for — what a pay-off!
I’m getting all of this encouragement to help her get out of diapers but I’m in no rush. As contrary as she’s feeling, the minute she gets the idea that I have any positive feelings about her using the potty, she’ll give it up for the next two years. I’m toying with the idea of picking up a potty seat (the kind that sit on the floor) though especially after she hurt her bum trying to sit on the miniature one this morning. I’m just not sure where to put it. If I put it in the bathroom she won’t be able to get to it without assistance (not to mention that our bathrooms are small) but if I have it anywhere else, well, it could get ugly. Between Madison and the dog — let’s just not go there.
Now I know some of you really really want to give me potty training advice so I’ll just add that I’m not looking for it. I don’t care about potty training. I don’t care if she does it or if she doesn’t and I’m just following her lead. She’s got a lot going on in her world and I’m more concerned with cutting back on her extra-curriculur flinging (bowls, toys, books, shoes) than I am about where she pees.
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The date bars aren’t the only thing that suck
Oct 20, 2005 Recipes
I completely forgot to post the pumpkin soup recipe after WEG’s mama gave me hers. And frankly hers looks better.
I haven’t tried this one so it may suck. And in fact, it’s from the same book from whence sprung the awful date bars. (Which would have been ok had I used less flour or butter instead of oil — basically worked criticially instead of following the recipe to a T. Next time I will play around with it.)
Here you go (put below the cut and edited so I don’t have to type so much): Read the rest of this entry »