Comments on: I had a huge long entry http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/10/27/i-had-a-huge-long-entry/ dawn friedman's blog Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:02:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: carosgram http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/10/27/i-had-a-huge-long-entry/#comment-2157 carosgram Fri, 28 Oct 2005 18:11:46 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=761#comment-2157 I wonder if the reason some people 'trash' other people's choices is that there is so much pressure to be a perfect parent today. Everywhere you look some 'expert' is telling you what you must do so that you won't damage your children. And it is all conflicting advise. Because of the pressure, people feel they need to defend their choice as the 'correct one'. As if there are absolutes in having a family or raising children. I frequently remind the parents I deal with that their parents might have made mistakes but they turned out well. Parents shouldn't worry so much. Most kids turn out great! I wonder if the reason some people ‘trash’ other people’s choices is that there is so much pressure to be a perfect parent today. Everywhere you look some ‘expert’ is telling you what you must do so that you won’t damage your children. And it is all conflicting advise. Because of the pressure, people feel they need to defend their choice as the ‘correct one’. As if there are absolutes in having a family or raising children. I frequently remind the parents I deal with that their parents might have made mistakes but they turned out well. Parents shouldn’t worry so much. Most kids turn out great!

]]> By: eli http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/10/27/i-had-a-huge-long-entry/#comment-2156 eli Fri, 28 Oct 2005 17:34:44 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=761#comment-2156 Your page is black when I go to read your blog, and then takes FOREVER to load - may just be my computer/browser. Definitely always worth the wait though... ;) Your page is black when I go to read your blog, and then takes FOREVER to load - may just be my computer/browser. Definitely always worth the wait though… ;)

]]> By: shirky http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/10/27/i-had-a-huge-long-entry/#comment-2155 shirky Fri, 28 Oct 2005 16:18:03 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=761#comment-2155 When I read the commenter on Karen's blog that said she had waited 2.5 years for a child, I admit I first thought, "Maybe she was waiting for a white child or something," but then I continued and it said she was adopting from China, so it couldn't be that. Then she went on to explain that she had been waiting for a placement of any race, and older toddlers too, and I have to say it did throw me off. I think I have been comforting myself for a while by clinging to the idea (however incorrect) that there will eventually be a baby for you if you are not limiting the pool by race. If there's no truth in that, I feel like we have no chance of being matched, ever. What else do we have going for us? How can this happen for us if it didn't happen for the commenter on Karen's blog? And then I get anxious about the whole thing. When I read the commenter on Karen’s blog that said she had waited 2.5 years for a child, I admit I first thought, “Maybe she was waiting for a white child or something,” but then I continued and it said she was adopting from China, so it couldn’t be that. Then she went on to explain that she had been waiting for a placement of any race, and older toddlers too, and I have to say it did throw me off.
I think I have been comforting myself for a while by clinging to the idea (however incorrect) that there will eventually be a baby for you if you are not limiting the pool by race. If there’s no truth in that, I feel like we have no chance of being matched, ever. What else do we have going for us? How can this happen for us if it didn’t happen for the commenter on Karen’s blog? And then I get anxious about the whole thing.

]]> By: Lisa V http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/10/27/i-had-a-huge-long-entry/#comment-2154 Lisa V Fri, 28 Oct 2005 15:08:28 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=761#comment-2154 I have to admit that one of the reasons it was hard to bring Mason into our family (he was a kinship adoption) was that it felt gluttonous when so many infertitles were starving. I felt guilty that there were so many couples who would worship the ground this child toddled on, and we were so conflicted about adding another child to our lives. Now finally, over 2 years later I am at peace with it, but it has truly only been a couple of months that I have felt this was the "right " thing for all concerned. Including the unknown waiting family he may have gone to. I truly believe we are the perfect fit and that is why we have him, our 4th cup runneth over child. I have to admit that one of the reasons it was hard to bring Mason into our family (he was a kinship adoption) was that it felt gluttonous when so many infertitles were starving. I felt guilty that there were so many couples who would worship the ground this child toddled on, and we were so conflicted about adding another child to our lives. Now finally, over 2 years later I am at peace with it, but it has truly only been a couple of months that I have felt this was the “right ” thing for all concerned. Including the unknown waiting family he may have gone to. I truly believe we are the perfect fit and that is why we have him, our 4th cup runneth over child.

]]> By: cebii http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/10/27/i-had-a-huge-long-entry/#comment-2153 cebii Fri, 28 Oct 2005 14:38:38 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=761#comment-2153 You are not alone!! I think everyone's comments are low. We adopted a set of black twins. We didn't specify a race or multiples, just took what we got. I have a feeling that we were bumped up on the 'list' because the twin's caseworker also worked with one of our teens and she really liked us. At 18 mo. they are healthy and smart and beautiful and can climb anything and get through almost any childproof lock. You are not alone!! I think everyone’s comments are low.

We adopted a set of black twins. We didn’t specify a race or multiples, just took what we got. I have a feeling that we were bumped up on the ‘list’ because the twin’s caseworker also worked with one of our teens and she really liked us. At 18 mo. they are healthy and smart and beautiful and can climb anything and get through almost any childproof lock.

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