Google stalking gone bad
On Friday I got antsy waiting for Brett to get home so we could hit the road and I resorted to google stalking high school friends (inspired by my sister’s recent attendance of her 20-year high school reunion). I didn’t find much in the way of girl friends (name changing with marriage and all) but found a bit about boys. And then I google-stalked my very first boyfriend, which is something I do semi-annually.
This time I found a page in a blog written by someone who apparently had a crush on the man who was my first boyfriend. The entry included this paragraph, “Seducer of barely legal females. Attractive enough to lower my i.q. by 30-35 points. Lovingly named, by me, JoyBoy. Virtuous in the ancient Oriental sense that an absence of self-consciouness belies a great accumulation of merit.” (In that entry old JoyBoy is painted as something of a cocktease.)
See what “JoyBoy” (hereafter christened JB although you can get his real name in my archives) has is charmisma in spades and that’s what’s got those heads whipping around. Virtuous? No, he’s pseudo-innocently immoral, can quote Ayn Rand without effort, has big brown puppy-dog eyes, lips to make Mick Jagger envious, and has no compunction about screwing anyone over (and that includes you although you don’t believe it when he’s got those puppy-dog eyes gazing your way).
I’ve had two boyfriends with more charisma than was good for them although both worked it in very different ways. JB’s modus operandi was (and surely still is judging by this guy’s entry) to play Pan — all romantic, irresponsible hedonism — with irreverent cruelty. The other guy, we’ll call him CC, dons a “gosh gee whiz” persona that gets him free refills and lots of get out of jail free cards.
The hardest thing I found about dating these two fellows was that as rotton as they could be, they always had their fans. Especially JoyBoy who collects hearts as easily as Noah picks up black walnuts on an autumn day. And he treats them just about the same, too (Noah likes to practice his pitching by winging ‘em into trees). I would finally get the strength to walk away but then I’d glance over my shoulder as I was leaving and think, “But maybe I’m wrong? Maybe I am the problem or else how come so many people would still be in his fan club?” And back I’d go, idiot that I am. Well, and to be honest, there’s something exciting about being with the guy everyone else wants to be with, too. It’s not like my motives were entirely pure.
In any case, I was rolling my eyes reading that entry. I keep waiting for the world to wise up and kick Bad Boys (even ones with disarming, hands-in-pockets, gee-whillikers attitudes like CC) to the curb. Playing dumb shouldn’t work when we know how smart they really are.
That first boyfriend, JoyBoy, he used to say, “I know you love me but I don’t think you really like me.” He knew it before I did myself. But there wasn’t much to like about him — at least not if you were in love with him. And I don’t see how, even if you were just friends, how anyone could tolerate someone who treated half the human race so badly. I called him up when I was 16 to tell him that I’d just learned the word for men like him.
“You’re a misogynist!” I told him.
“A misogynist?” he said with genuine surprise. “But I love women!”
Sure, sure, as a collector maybe. Or a black widower, perhaps. Or a fan of tragi-comedy who likes to weep at endings he’s created (all the better to line up sympathy for the next conquest).
You know, these guys are never alone. There’s always some dazzle-eyed woman (or man, apparently) ready to line up and see if they can french kiss that frog into a prince. There’s a sucker born every minute.
Ooh.
I am living gratuitously here.
Okay, I am lying. Great, dead on descriptions of these two characters.
I think I’m way too far into this motherhood thing, because in all of your descriptions I didn’t hear, “Oooh, she pegged him! Take that, you user!” Instead I heard, “How accurate. I wonder how we, as parents, can prevent our sons from needing to act this way? In what ways did these guys not get enough in childhood, and how were they not held accountable in ways that they should have been?”
People all the time say to El Pequeno, “Ooh, you’re cute! You’re going to be a real heartbreaker some day!” And I know it’s not what they mean, but I really want to say, “I hope he knows how to do it honestly and with dignity, though.”
Sorry to go off on a tangent in the comments. Your exes sound like real wankers. The only ex I ever googlestalk is the one who had a hard time when I left. I guess I’m hoping to see photos of him with a wife and happy family some time.
Funny you should write that. I’ve seen plenty of guys like your ex, with “more charisma than was good for them”; but I’ve always shied away. They tended to get my guard up, not to mention my trouble-oh-meter. I probably should have dated them anyways as a teenager, just for the fun of it! *g*
But in the end, the “nice guys” were much better for me, and I got through the dating world into marriage with heart unbroken.
Ack, dang, yes, I totally recognized myself, and people I’ve dated, in this entry. Somehow when I swear I am only going to go out with someone who REALLY wants to be with ME, of course it is the charmer who makes me feel really wanted, and then I am like ‘but what happened! dang!”…. and of course it is mostly those close to them who are treated badly, and the fan club goes ‘another girl badmouthing him cuz he’s rejected her for another” (ad nauseum)… ‘he couldn’t be bad cuz he’s so NICE and CHARMING and look he has ANOTHER GIRL” Cuz of course we know that if he has another girl already, they can say he is good relationship material, we must be outta there cuz WE’re not. Anyways, you got it spot on. I admit I was amazed though when you wrote ‘when I was 16′… dang. I would end up saying ‘when I was 38′. You learned young.