Comments on: “Being poor is getting tired of people wanting you to be grateful.” http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/09/03/being-poor-is-getting-tired-of-people-wanting-you-to-be-grateful/ writing, mothering, writing about mothering Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:36:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Anne http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/09/03/being-poor-is-getting-tired-of-people-wanting-you-to-be-grateful/#comment-1765 Anne Fri, 06 Jul 2007 18:03:33 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=686#comment-1765 I am commenting almost two years later (!) but wanted to add that I think the issue of "gratitude" for being helped with needs (rather than wants) boils down to this--we wouldn't have this issue at all if there weren't such glaring disparities between the "haves" and "have nots" in our world. Basic needs are those things that most of us take for granted that we can get for ourselves (like tampons...) Having to always ask for things the rest of us take for granted gets wearing. Also, even though those volunteers who "expect" gratitude may feel that they are helping "other human beings," they are really still seeing them as objects, as an "outgroup" that is different from them; i.e., they are poor (and I am not) so they SHOULD be grateful that I'm helping them. That being said, most of us work best on a program of positive reinforcement--it's just human nature... I am commenting almost two years later (!) but wanted to add that I think the issue of “gratitude” for being helped with needs (rather than wants) boils down to this–we wouldn’t have this issue at all if there weren’t such glaring disparities between the “haves” and “have nots” in our world. Basic needs are those things that most of us take for granted that we can get for ourselves (like tampons…) Having to always ask for things the rest of us take for granted gets wearing.

Also, even though those volunteers who “expect” gratitude may feel that they are helping “other human beings,” they are really still seeing them as objects, as an “outgroup” that is different from them; i.e., they are poor (and I am not) so they SHOULD be grateful that I’m helping them.

That being said, most of us work best on a program of positive reinforcement–it’s just human nature…

]]> By: aaron http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/09/03/being-poor-is-getting-tired-of-people-wanting-you-to-be-grateful/#comment-1764 aaron Wed, 07 Sep 2005 19:18:35 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=686#comment-1764 I don't remember who wrote it, but this poem, printed here in it's entirety, summed up the attitude about being poor I saw from the adults around me: They don't give me welfare. I take it. I don’t remember who wrote it, but this poem, printed here in it’s entirety, summed up the attitude about being poor I saw from the adults around me:

They don’t give me welfare.
I take it.

]]> By: Lioness http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/09/03/being-poor-is-getting-tired-of-people-wanting-you-to-be-grateful/#comment-1763 Lioness Tue, 06 Sep 2005 09:44:02 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=686#comment-1763 Oh, I never commented, I could have sowrn I had. What can I say but you are brilliant, you are fabulous, I am grateful you write. I had quite thought of it this way but yes. And I will never ever beam. This is my promise. Oh, I never commented, I could have sowrn I had. What can I say but you are brilliant, you are fabulous, I am grateful you write. I had quite thought of it this way but yes. And I will never ever beam. This is my promise.

]]> By: Amy http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/09/03/being-poor-is-getting-tired-of-people-wanting-you-to-be-grateful/#comment-1762 Amy Mon, 05 Sep 2005 04:35:03 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=686#comment-1762 Is it really gratitude that's expected or just courtesy? Even if it's only responsive courtesy. I don't need or even really feel comfortable with the idea that someone would feel grateful to "me" for giving them toothpaste, money or food. But I would hope for courtesy...when a friend hands me a pen, I say "thank you." Heck, I'd respond the same to someone I even dislike. Is it really gratitude that’s expected or just courtesy? Even if it’s only responsive courtesy. I don’t need or even really feel comfortable with the idea that someone would feel grateful to “me” for giving them toothpaste, money or food. But I would hope for courtesy…when a friend hands me a pen, I say “thank you.” Heck, I’d respond the same to someone I even dislike.

]]> By: Beth http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2005/09/03/being-poor-is-getting-tired-of-people-wanting-you-to-be-grateful/#comment-1761 Beth Mon, 05 Sep 2005 02:54:19 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=686#comment-1761 I learned a lot from this post. Thanks for writing it. I learned a lot from this post. Thanks for writing it.

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