Moving is stressful
Aug 26, 2005 Homeschooling
Tell you something you didn’t know, right? The home inspection here pointed out a crack in our basement wall, which we were told isn’t an issue but maybe it is. So they want to bring in an engineer and I, of course, am worried that it is an issue and that we’ll be stuck in the house forever until it caves in on us.
My other worry is that the engineer will tell us what the guy who looked at it told us, namely that it’s an old crack and not moving and so no big deal and then we’ll get an inspection on the other house and find deadly mold in the attic.
I’m now with Noah on the nice neighborhood children. You know, the “enthusiastic” ones. They drop by three or four times a day to see if Noah can play yet. We told them no on Thursday but they came by two more times to make sure. They have come by three times today (Noah has someone over and I have a kid-limit for my sanity’s sake) and called once. The little girl will squeeze her way in if you crack the door so Noah talks to her through the screen. Now she wants to play in our yard by herself “just for five minutes,” she says. I feel kinda bad for them but not bad enough to say, “Hell, just come on in! My nerves can take it!” They must be lonely, I guess. I finally told her, “N, I feel very frustrated when I tell you no and you argue with me. No means no.”
Noah is contemplating school since his best friend just started. He’s very torn. Some unschoolers will never let their kids choose school and some will. I have very mixed feelings about it. I feel like he’s old enough to make an informed decision but I also don’t think he’s that informed. Anyway since he’s not sure himself I told him that we would spend the next year working on it as an option and he can decide next summer. As soon as I said he could go he changed his tune. The truth is, he wants both. He wants to have friends at school but he doesn’t actually want to do, you know, school. He said maybe he could let the teacher know that seven hours was too long and he could leave halfway. I told him no dice.
He and I had already talked about being more structured in his results this year — more portfolio gathering, really. I think that we’ll visit the principal at the new school and talk to him/her about what third graders are doing and maybe Noah can visit a class. I don’t know. I’m thinking that when he gets in a neighborhood where all of his friends are going to the same school that he’ll likely want to go. And that’s one reason we picked this neighborhood — the school is pretty good. But it’s still school and it’s still a lot of things I don’t like. Still if Noah knew what he was saying yes to and wanted to do it, I trust him. If it was a disaster (unlikely) he could come home again. And as sad as it would make me (because I do love our unschooling so much and hate to give it up) it would be easier in a lot of ways.
I tell you though, the thought of getting him up and out of bed and off to school makes me tired. Although as close as the new house is, it’s a five minute walk tops. And then the notes. The excusal notes. “Please excuse Noah from class this afternoon. He has a dentist appointment.” That would feel all crazy.
Well, we’ve got this year. One year (day) at a time. Best I can do, right?
August 26th, 2005 at 3:18 pm
We have a ton of unschoolers, homeschoolers whose kids have chosen to come to our school. It’s our 7th year, and that I know of, only two previous homeschooling families have left and gone back to homeschooling. I think (thru gossip I have heard so may not be accurate) that they both left because of attendance, tardiness issues. Now we are more laid back than most schools- we don’t even have bells. But still we are accountable- if a student misses a number of days our funding may be cut. Habitual tardies disrupt morning community- some parents think its something that is okay to miss. The kids and teachers hang out on couches and talk about the day, or what they are feeling or problems or just simple sharing. It’s not the three r’s, but its an important part of our philosphy.
Oh I forgot my point. The majority of these kids do really well and choose year after year to stay with us. Maybe Noah would be the same.
August 26th, 2005 at 4:51 pm
Hey Dawn,
Just put down your wall-itis on moving jitters. No house is perfect–even new houses. There will be more to come–there always is. You just have to take a leap of faith that it will all work out the way it is supposed to. Doesn’t this sound like advice you got when you were doing adoption??? Most big decisions call for leaps where there are unknowns and road barriers and just yucky nerve-wracking stuff. Take a deep breath….and make like the tortoise–not the hare (ya know–don’t burn out early in the race. Slow and steady…the new house beckons).
Alison
August 26th, 2005 at 5:25 pm
My mother always told the tortoise’s advice was not only to go slow and steady but sometimes you have to crawl into your shell and take a nap until the race is over. LOL
Dawn,
Since i’m relatively new to your blog. Can I ask what were the reasons and discussions behind homeschooling? My partner and I have discussed this too. The public schools here are a disaster, the catholic schools have a whole issue with gay parents and of course cost, the other private schools are very competitive and pricey. So I’m leaning towards homeschooling.
At the college I attend, we have a sandwich truck where you can buy food instead of the cafeterias. I stopped by to get a bottle of water on my way to the next class. The guy who owns it had his son with him ( about 7 years old). He was handling the money and adding the items people had bought, making change. I thought what a great way this was to learn, adding subtracting, interacting with people. He was doing pretty well too. He had all the prices memorized.
August 26th, 2005 at 7:10 pm
As a homeschooler/unschooler.
I still feel like it doesn’t qualify me to offer much in the way of advice.
You have your head on straight, you care a great deal about your kids, so you will make the the best of whatever happens.
BTW, one of the best things about all of us being home is the not getting up every week day!
Our philosophy about the homeschooling thing has been that if it doesn’t work then we try something else.
The people we bought our house from actually applied that to moving too.
They moved into a house in a different area, hated it, sold it and moved again all in like 3 months.
Not my idea of a way to deal…but hey!
August 27th, 2005 at 1:11 am
I like Noah’s idea of a half-day of school. I keep revisiting that myself. I wish we could opt to do 2-day weeks or half days with schools for big kids (not just preschool/daycares).
We are pretty set on homeschooling at this point. The more we think about it, the more committed to it we become. I often think about what I’d do if Nat decided, like Noah that maybe she wants to go to a regular school, and I think maybe I’d give her an age at which she could choose. But what age? I think it will depend on her and how informed I feel she really is. As you point out, you know a lot more about school than Noah, and yet, it’s his life.
I’ll be interested to see what Noah decides.
August 27th, 2005 at 2:52 pm
there was a family in my daughter’s school who sent the kids to school a couple days a week, and homeschooled a couple days a week (dont remember the exact breakdown of how many days)
not sure how it worked out, (they have since left the school) but sounded potentially interesting
August 28th, 2005 at 2:17 am
My bias is towards school (just declaring my bias before I say anything!) - we’re now in our second year with a child at school and my strong impression is that his experience of it is all about being with his friends. Yes there is schoolwork and a teacher and rules etc but from minute to minute, for him it is all about being in a group of children and relating to those other children. All the other stuff, the infrastructure of school, is analogous to dealing with road signs, billboards and traffic lights - they exist as the backdrop but they aren’t the substance of the journey. I think if Noah went to school, he could just screen out the extraneous stuff and enjoy the social stuff. Hopefully.
August 29th, 2005 at 3:13 am
Egads, those children are like invasion of the zombies! Manners manners!! There was a little girl who used to do that to me (be real insistent she wanted to visit me) and turned out her parents would just give her $ and throw her out of the house. She’s a teenager now and I feel sort of bad that I didn’t take her under my wing more ten years ago, annoying as she was.
As for school, I can only speak from my childhood. I loved school. I always hated team sports and I feel already we were such homebodies (spent more time at home reading, sewing, cooking, building etc with mom instead of out with friends) I think I would have no group social skills at all if I hadn’t gone to school. Or ideas about the demands of the outside world (schedules, deadlines etc). Already being self-employed and single I am pretty disconnected. I think it will be good for my child to go to school. I guess it so depends on the child, the family, the schools available.