Why we want to move now
People keep asking us that and the truth is, I don’t know. How this family works is that I get mad schemes and drag Brett into them. Brett rarely wants to have his way on anything except what movie to rent (he always wins that argument). When Brett does have strong feelings about something I have learned to trust him. He picks out our cars. He decides when to buy them. He makes big huge financial decisions about investments and budgets because he’s better at them. I do things like decide when we’re going to have a baby or when we’re going to adopt. I make all of the emotional decisions for the family but Brett’s about the cash.
Back when we first got married I thought that when it came to any decisions, I should weigh in with my opinion whether or not it was an informed one. See, I didn’t yet realize that hooking up with the right person is like having a good doubles partner in tennis. Sure you can continue to run your ass all over the court trying to get every shot coming in over the net or you could step back and let your partner cover the area beyond your reach.
It took me a few years but eventually I realized that Brett knows a lot more about certain things. He knows more about investments, life insurance, interest rates and other things I find so boring that I skip all articles about them in Newsweek and go straight to the “newsmakers” section in the back.
The other thing about Brett is that when he does venture an opinion about our next financial move, he’s generally been doing his research for a long time. He’s slow to warm to things but once he’s made his decision, he stays the course regardless of the obstacles (he’s a taurus). So when he came home from the mortgage broker’s and announced he thought we should move, I knew we were moving. (As it turns out, Brett has been researching for months so when he sat down to give me his arguments and brought his carefully color-coded and plastic covered presentation materials, I knew we were moving.)
I have one in real life friend who was concerned that Brett was railroading me so let me assuage you of your concerns should they be similar.
1. I trust Brett. He does not make these big decisions lightly.
2. I trust Brett. He loves his family and would never knowingly do anything to harm us.
3. I trust Brett. He reads Kiplinger’s Finance for fun.
4. I trust Brett.
I take the lazy way out, I know, when I trust him but it’s not a blind trust. It’s just that in fifteen years of togetherness, he’s never been wrong about these types of decisions and when I’ve held firm and we’ve done it my way, we’ve always regretted it. (Ask Brett about that place we moved to. The one the neighbors fondly called “The Pit.” That’s when I humbly got off my high horse.)
Anyway, I asked him why he wants to move now and why not in the spring? That’s what everyone is asking me and I have only a vague idea so I wanted him to explain it to me in details.
This is how he started, “China is poised to be the next economic super power…”
And then somewhere in the discussion between “fossil fuels” and “outsourcing,” I fell asleep but before I fell asleep it made sense.
We want to move to a new neighborhood and we have specific areas in mind. We want to sell the van before it drops its transmission so we want to be on a busline and in a place where we can walk to more things. (This also has to do with the way gas prices continue to increase.) We want to be in a good school system so that if one or both of our children need school — because I need to go back to work or because one of them decides they want to go — we can feel good about sending them. We can qualify for a mortgage to buy one of these houses now but might not be able to if either of us loses our job. (We could continue to afford the payments but on paper, we’d be a bad risk just like we were for this house — my mom had to co-sign even though the payments were less than we were paying in rent.) And then there’s the whole China as potential international economic super-power. Somehow that plays into it and I’m sure those of you who actually read all of the stories in Newsweek know just what Brett’s talking about. Me, I trust him but I don’t really know (or care) what the heck he’s talking about.
I understand what you are saying Dawn. There are a lot of things that Geo just knows more than me about, and I usually differ to him on it. Likewise him to me. Plus, after 15 years, it seems like you know when to trust him and when to not.
Best of luck finding with the move!
Okay I am better than you with Newsweek, I go to the complicated stories and read the captions on the pictures then head straight to the Newsmakers section.
Moving to a house that is a better location for your family is a completely logical reason to move. I don’t know why anyone would dispute that. Luck, luck, luck.
Oh, man. Now I’m back to thinking we should move back into the city. Oi.
I totally understand. Josh is really good at finances, while me, not so much, so I tend to let him take care of it. I do try to keep track of how much we make or spend, but beyond that I let him take care of it. He tries to explain it to me every so often, so I have some basic understanding at least.
I am so excited for you! This all sounds so great!!!
We have a weird thing going on in our relationship! My husband is truly a mathematical prodigy, he likes to work out huge, complex math problems for fun.
I don’t, I’m dyslexic and dysnumeric.
But…
I’m the one in charge of the finances.
Why?
Because I care about it and he doesn’t.
Oi.
So, I try to keep him in the loop and involved and I use him to read the financial statements from our investments (they both confuse and bore me senseless).
When it comes to finances in a relationship, I think it is important that the both parties have some idea of what is going on. That way, if one is suddenly unavailable the other is not left in a financial morass.
Other than that, hopefully, good relationships are about partnership.
BTW, I always am the one having the fabulous idea and haring off after it, taking my husband along for the ride.
my partner keeps track of the day-to-day financial things, but it’s always me who makes the big decisions– buying a house, refinancing it, trying to plan to move in a year, making major home repairs. He hates big changes too, so I have to have the idea, mention it a lot until he gets accustomed to the idea, then hit him with persuasive arguments and research. Then he takes over and calculates all the numbers, makes the phones, keeps on top of the paperwork. I’m the big-picture one, he’s the details guy when it comes to our finances.
I love that tennis metaphor– it’s just how I feel about our marriage, and love being able to trust my partner to pick up the slack, and actually be my partner.
Sounds like my spouse and me, we trust each other and each one of us has areas that one or the other of us is better at handling. There are some that we both are terrible at…… umm actually that would be the money thing (like investments), but I’m getting myself better at it while he takes on the role of becoming more responsible with deadlines (actually getting the stuff paid on time). We are a team, and we work well together. I think it is cool that you trust Brett and are following his lead while you are a bit freaked because you know that when he freaks then it will be your turn. That is a good marriage.
Tell me if you’re sick of this. But this whole relationshippy thing? the doubles tennis? totally an essay.
My husband and I need to marry a guy like Brett.