I just finished a book
If you haven’t read any books by Sharon Creech you should probably do something about that. They’re young adult books (young young adult) so you can finish one in an afternoon — you’ve got an afternoon to spare, right? Or a few minutes here and there?
In Sharon Creech books there is usually someone journeying through literally and metaphorically. Someone is breaking a path or crossing an ocean or making soup. And someone is trying to make sense of friendship or of family but most of all of themselves.
If you’re going to read Sharon Creech, you should make sure that you have some space and privacy to cry because almost all of her books are crying books but it’s the kind of crying that’s very satisfying.
So I just finished The Wanderer, which has an adoption story running through it (I didn’t realize that when I picked it up) and I was thinking about something that Manuela asked me, which was how I would feel if Madison decided that she didn’t want contact with J. And I was thinking about Manuela’s own story (part of which she’s shared here) and I was thinking about Cubbiegirl’s daughter’s story (part of which she shares here) and then I was thinking about Madison’s story.
When you read a Sharon Creech book you see how every person, no matter how young, has a whole world that is their own. And always in her books there is a grown person who is letting go of that child so that he or she (usually she) can figure things out. Before that child goes on her journey, there is a grown-up who packs a lunch and sends them off. Some of the older people have major roles (they are the ones making the soup while the child tells the story; they are the one who write letters that inform the child’s world view) and sometimes they are minor (they are the ones who wave good-bye). Very often the people with the smallest roles are the parents and it’s because those parents have stepped back that the child is able to find these other adults at all.
One of the most challenging things, for me, about parenting is understanding how easy it is for support to become overwhelming. Ballast is what they use to keep hot air balloons from floating away but if you add too much of it, the balloon won’t fly at all. That’s what parenting is like.
I was swinging Madison today and I was tickling her feet while she kicked and laughed. I was thinking about her feet, which look just like J’s. I was thinking about how we never ever had such feet in our family and I was thinking about how lucky we are to have a brand new person to come and light up our family tree. And I was feeling grateful to the universe who saw fit to mix things up so that somehow J’s feet are walking into our family so that it’s like J is here with us, too, and all of the people through the centuries who stand out behind her like a fan.
I wanted to say to Madison (Ok, I did say to her), “You are PERFECT! Right here, swinging in this swing, laughing, you are PERFECT!” Everything converged into this one moment of laughter in a swing.
That moment swinging is ballast. Telling her howright she is, how important and shining she is, that’s ballast, too. She has this whole life to discover and I just want to feed her up with good things to sustain her when it comes time to take her own journeys.
I didn’t get into parenting so that someone small would love me all of her life (although that would be nice). I got into it for the glimpses of divinity that happen when I watch Madison’s big feet kicking their way through the air as she swings. These are moments of such clarity and peace, knowing that my purpose is to give her weight now while she is small. I am her witness so that one day when she’s angry or hurt I can say to her, “You matter. Always at your center is a small perfect child who is laughing and free and she is so very, very loved. Nothing ever changes that.”
That’s ballast.
Now go read some Sharon Creech.
Sharon Creech books are all over the school. The Wanderer was read out loud. When I see lists on class room walls of favorite authors hers is always one of the first.
Before we adopted Mallory we used to say this was an opportunity to bring new characteristics in the gene pool . We teased that we didn’t care about race, but we wanted math genes for a change. We got musical genes and curly hair genes instead. It’s interesting to actually nurture someone so different from me. The child is shy in ways I am not, she is also responsible and doesn’t procrastinate. I struggle with that. It’s like her talents and traits and looks filled some holes we didn’t know we had. She fits perfectly in with our family, like a missing piece of a puzzle.
Will get the books next library visit.
I love what you said here:
I am her witness so that one day when she’s angry or hurt I can say to her, “You matter. Always at your center is a small perfect child who is laughing and free and she is so very, very loved. Nothing ever changes that.”
That sums up exactly what I feel my responsibility is towards my daughter.
Dawn… what a spectacularly beautiful post. You have managed to capture the sentiment I have struggled to capture for as long as I’ve been wanting to be a parent… when I questioned why I wanted a child… I could FEEL the reason… but I simply couldn’t articulate it… you have uniwittingly just done that for me…
What a gift it is for me to read your words.
Dawn- I only recently discovered and fell in love with Sharon Creech in the last couple years. The Wanderer is one my 12 yo’s favorite books ever. If you haven’t read Granny Torelli Makes Soup yet go get it now. It is so beautiful, simple, amazing. Ohmigosh, it is just so darn sweet. Its one we all (46, 45, 12
love and re-read. Actually, right now I have it and Bloomability on tape for our upcoming vacation car ride. 
Sarah
Glimpses of divinity, that’s exactly what it is! EXACTLY! You’re good.