this woman’s work

(My writing group people already know this. Distaffers among you, turn your heads away.)

I get a lot of PR pitches because of my job and a pitch showed up in my inbox yesterday that said this:

I wanted to take a second of your time to tell you about [guy's name] and his book The book presents readers with the ability to pick apart their lives and put them back together in a more nurturing, healthy form. Through yoga, [yoga guy] explains how to love, live and learn.

Perhaps most interesting is [yoga guy]’s work with couples. He helps to restore intimacy and re-establish relationships - relationships with oneself, others, and the world around. Sometimes his work is geared very specifically at using yoga as a catalyst for a specific goal. Here is an excerpt from his book that involves a couple, and their desire for a baby:

“S and V were a typical “upwardly mobile” couple. They were very busy with their lives of business and fun. Traveling frequently, they vigorously worked out with popular yoga as it was taught in New York to keep well in their busy routines. When S turned thirty-six, they decided to have a baby, knowing that the passing years would be a critical factor in this desire. With no interruption to their lifestyle, they tried. Years passed with no pregnancy. Finally S did conceive, only to miscarry early on. It had been sad for them. And frankly, they admitted, sex was not much fun.”

It was at this point that [yoga guy] stepped in and began working with the couple. As you can imagine, things looked up. [yoga guy] goes on to say, “This is what happened. The immediate result was that their sexual desire and pleasure with each other dramatically increased. They were now willing to receive each other and be there for each other. This, they agreed, was a satisfactory outcome in itself and validated yoga for them – and their friends! S immediately became more feminine n character and appearance, more desirable to V, who gave her much more attention! He became a little softer, a little less driven in business pursuit. Their whole life of lovemaking became very interesting to them, where previously it had been almost like a job to be done with the added pressure of trying to conceive. Then they did! What job. And this time in their more realized lifestyle, in the pleasure and health of their intimacy, there seemed to be no question or risk of miscarriage. Her belly grew beautifully.” Page 132

I would love to explain what [yoga guy] did with the couple to help in their transformation, and give you more examples of how Yoga can be a catalyst for great changes.

So I wrote back and said, basically, that as someone whose had like a zillion (ok, six) miscarriages I would never ever ever ever feature that book.

So she wrote back and said she was “deeply sorry” for upsetting me and she just hoped that highlighting the “success of one couple” would inspire people.

I wrote back and said that the “just relax” line (not to mention the “get more feminine”) line was deeply offensive and exploitive. I told her that one of the women I work with at my job has a deformed uterus. Did she really think that yoga would fix my friend’s deformed uterus? I suggested she rethink her pitch.

I never know if I should mention my own infertility history or not when I go off on PR people. On the one hand, I want them to know that the person on the other end of the email line may be someone who knows more about infertility than they do but on the other hand, this PR person apologized for upsetting me and not for being a general idiot. So maybe she thinks, “Oh well, that poor editor, no wonder she was sad,” instead of, “God, what was I thinking?!”

I get “just relax” stories in my email box on a regular basis. How I handle them depends on my mood that day but I always write back and tell them why I’m saying no thank you.

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