Today will be better
Madison didn’t go to sleep until sometime past 10:30pm, which is a good long time past her usual bedtime. Maybe she snuck into the freezer and ate coffee beans or something — who knows with kids these days? Anyway, Brett and I were both ready to run away from home between her psychotic, joyful late-night dancing and Noah’s tears because her psychotic, joyful late-night dancing happened to be near his Pez collection (don’t ask). The flip side to this is that it’s 10am and she and I JUST GOT UP. Considering her usual wake-up time is usually three hours earlier, we’re both feeling bright and shiny.
My sister’s daughter is eight months old and yesterday I was at her house. Erica is also feeling unglued and stressed (Frankie is almost five, my sister is an artist and until Lucia made her appearance, she was making a reliable income). She said, “Someone told me it would be easier by the time she’s three or four but it’ll be easier sooner, right? Look at you, it’s easier for you now than it was when she was this age, right?”
Can’t you almost hear the desperation in her voice?
I said it was different kinds of hard and easy.
Easier: Madison can communicate now.
Harder: This week she decided that the screech she used to save for things like getting her hand caught in a door would now become her “look a pretty flower” noise, only I haven’t trained my body not to react as if there was bloodshed. All day I’m flipping around expecting horror only to find her cheerfully sharing some happy event with me.
Easier: Madison’s interests and activities are a lot less boring.
Harder: They’re also more death-defying activity, requiring constant chasing and supervision.
Easier: Madison gets around just fine, no longer yelling for me to help her do things her motor skills won’t yet allow.
Harder: Did I mention the death-defying activity and constant chasing and supervision?
Easer: Madison doesn’t need to be lugged around everywhere.
Harder: Lugging is not so bad if you have the right carrier but toddlers want to be carried a lot, too, especially if you’re doing anything they can’t be in the middle of like cooking, typing on the computer, putting on your bra, taking a shower, hanging the laundry etc. I need to try out the backpack again. Madison hated it before but maybe it’ll be a whole new world for her.
All in all? Absolutely more rewarding and a lot less boring — kids get better as they become more themselves — but still pretty damn hard. And boy do I miss the (all too brief) days when Madison would sit in her pack-n-play watching her mobile go around and feeling all was right in her world. That would net me enough time to: bathe, change out laundry, make a grocery list, or lie on the floor and get my wind back.
If I remember correctly with Noah, by the time he was three and a half things were really good. Maybe even earlier. Also by that age, he would play happily in the same room with me and chatter but not really expect participation. That was nice. I used to sit at the kitchen table and make the grocery list while he played with his stuffed animals and the laundry basket. (My how he loved that old broken brown laundry basket!)
I just wish I didn’t want to write for myself. I wish that I was happy just doing my ePregnancy work right now. If I wasn’t so impatient, I would save myself a lot of grief.
With ever child I have I make them more independent earlier for the boring stuff. They dress themselves, make their own (and sometimes sibling’s) lunches. I am still around for talking and reading and help with homework. It helps to free up some of my day not to do every little thing anymore.
Yeah, I hear you there. My son is about to turn two, and he is both cuter and deadlier every day. I love that he is now able to say many more words, and can (most of the time) tell me what he wants. I hate that I must acknowledge every single truck that we pass on the street four or five times before he is satisfied.
I too “encourage” my girls to be as independent as possible, and every new step is one of joy– putting their own plates in the sink when they’re finished, putting their own clothes in the laundry hamper (they’re 3), etc.
And yes on the patience– I keep making lists of all these things I want to learn how to do and learn more about, and then getting depressed at the snail’s pace at which I cross things off– it’s all in my own head though, i try to keep reminding myself of that!
I can relate to wanting to hear it gets better. After 3.5 mos. she is letting me put her down and is feeling secure I’ll be there. Every time she does something new I am so glad I am there to see it. But it’s hard staying home. Hardest job ever.
How many creative people are patient all the time?
Okay. Patience is a valuable resource to be used only in the direst of situations. Why waste in repetitive, everyday ways?
Still not convinced?
Tough, I’m bored and moving on to something else.
(Kidding!)
If I remember correctly - this was one of the toughest of all ages before it seemed to get easier.