Ha! Do I have you guys fooled!
Jun 16, 2005 Parenting
When people say, “Dawn, you’re a good mom” I’m just glad you don’t all live at my house. For one thing, my house is really small and it’s already pretty crowded but for another your perception of me would really take a hit.
See, this meta stuff — the theoretical, big issues — is easy compared to the getting through the day stuff. For example, Noah is now at the age where he wants to talk to me about the things that interest him. Great, right? You know, to have a kid who confides in you? Fantastic, right?
Well, no.
Because listening to Noah talk about the things that interest him makes me want to pluck out my eyeballs, fry them in oil and pop them back into my head while they’re still hot. It’s excrutiating and try as I might, I think that sometimes I wince when he says, “Did you know that NIghtcrawler doesn’t just go invisible but actually disappears?”
I fake it, I try anyway, as much as I can I try to feign some interest but it’s hard. Between you and me, I don’t care about Pokemon, superheroes, robots or the video game he played once at the rec center and is still theorizing how to get to the next level. I don’t want to hear the plot to the latest Arthur cartoon, I don’t want to be read infinite panels of Calvin & Hobbes or get a play by play of baseball practice.
I’ve gotten good at half-tuning out so I can think my very important thoughts (”What’s for dinner? When will Gawdess and Cubbiegirl get their children?” “Did I remember to send that email to the person I was supposed to interview?” “What is that terrible smell and is it coming from Madison?”). I nod along, make interested noises and occasionally tune back in to ask a question.
“So he actually disappears, then,” I say. “And is this a super power that he controls?”
Noah dives in again, all about mutants and radioactive experiments gone bad and plot twists that make very little sense to me.
The hardest thing is when he says, “Ask me some questions about robots.” See, the kid loves to be interviewed. That’s when I get stuck. Ask him questions? That makes the supposition that I’ve been listening and know what questions to ask. Fortunately, he’s not too picky.
“What were some tasks they think ASIMO could do?”
Off he goes and away my mind wanders.
But (and here’s the part where it’s not such good parenting) sometimes I don’t have the energy. Sometimes I do more than wince. Sometime I actually say, “Stop! No more! I can’t take it! You may not breathe another word about Pokemon until your father gets home! I can’t take it!”
Happily Brett shares many of Noah’s interest (except for the Pokemon one but he can fake it better than I can).
My gosh, I remember this as a kid. I remember following my mom around the kitchen telling her about the book I was reading or the conversation I had with my best friend, Annie, or (may god forgive me) making her listen to a detailed description of the dream I had last night. I thought that anything that came out of my mouth would be by definition fascinating to her. You know what? I still do this. I still call my mom and tell her all about everything. Flamewars that happen on lists she’s never heard of, blog entries written by people she’s never met and while I no longer tell her about the dream I had last night, I do still tell her my every little idea that I have for potential articles.
My mother is a saint. Me, not so much.
June 16th, 2005 at 10:16 am
I. Hear. You.
June 16th, 2005 at 11:17 am
oh god, yes! and i even liked all things superhero as a kid. be happy you have a daughter too cause soon he’ll have another captive audience member to torment. it’s all under ‘mama mania’ for me, goes with the job.
although, here’s the thing. i think it’s important, when you’re at the point of ‘can’t take it anymore!’ to let your child know that. i mean, we’re human beings and just because we’re moms doesn’t mean that we don’t have boundaries, that we’re suppose to suffer without complaint.
it’s an important lesson for children to learn to honor other people’s space, even mom’s. i think they get it when we let them know. i use to explain why i couldn’t take it anymore and so long as i had already tolerated a big chunk of it, she’d scamper off kinda happy to have been treated like an adult.
June 16th, 2005 at 11:43 am
Yes yes yes! God, when K was little he could talk about YuGiOh for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT (and once did so on a long car ride which I’m still surprised both of us survived). I’ve got bad news — it doesn’t actually get all that better. He’s almost 12 now and I still get excrutiating details about the histories of Star Wars characters, the various XBox cheat codes he’s discovered, what This One Guy at school did, and cars. Oh my god the car talk. Engines and tires and wheels and horsepower and please just kill me now.
I know that wasn’t very helpful. I just wanted to tell you that I Feel Your Pain.
June 16th, 2005 at 11:47 am
Did you happen to figure out when I would get my kid? Cuz if you know, could you tell me? Going a little crazy over here
I can relate to this post, but only because I’ve started working at a daycare. Now it is 24 kids, who walk up to me and tell me the most boring things and they stand real close to my face and it is strange. This one boy followed me around for close to an hour saying basically the same thing..that if you see a snake, you can look at him. But don’t touch him. Because snakes are hungry. So look at snakes. And so on.
I still think you are great mom!
June 16th, 2005 at 11:57 am
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that feels this way. My son is obssessed with Thomas the Train, and some days, when he starts to tell me AGAIN about one of the characters, I swear, I consider hurling myself out the window.
June 16th, 2005 at 12:02 pm
OH MY GOD, I could have written this. Natalie is the same way and I was very much the same way. Always telling a story (still am), always wanting to express myself. People around me could hardly get a word in edgewise. lol
I do hate it when Natalie says “Mom, you’re not LISTENING!” Because she’s absolutely right and then I feel horribly. And I too sometimes say “Not now, please. Give me a short break and then we’ll sit down and have a proper chat, OK buddy?” She usually agrees but I can see a small glint of disappointment in her eyes. God bless her. AND her mouth. roflol
My only redemption is when I’m the one that wants to talk and she does the same thing to me. Then I’ll say “Natalie, I’m talking to you!” And she’ll say, “I know Mom, um, I hate to say this but I just don’t feel like talking now.”
ha ha ha
The Ying and Yang.
June 16th, 2005 at 12:06 pm
Hell, yeah. Right there with you all, mamas.
June 16th, 2005 at 1:17 pm
we are so excited for the little ones to say their first words, then once they start talking, can’t wait for them to shut up! it’s quite the paradox
just give it time. soon enough he’ll be asking questions to things you don’t have the answer to. just imagine you’re stuck in the minivan on the way to the store and your 8 year old asks you about the fundamentals of democracy, the war in iraq, the french involvement in vietnam and our subsequent involvement and whether or not we’re going to do anything about the communists in china. i decided to distract him by reminding him that he needed to set enough money aside for sales tax when spending his allowance…which led to him asking why we had taxes and whether or not they were constitutional! all of this concluding that he needed to become a senator so he could change things in the government. at least with the video games, you can say oh really…and fake interest! LOL
June 16th, 2005 at 2:23 pm
Yes! Oh god yes! My daughter So-chan will go on and on about the “crust punks” she meets on Venice Beach - though I gotta admit the conversation came to a screeching halt when the words, “Everyone put their pot away real fast when the police walked up.” at which point we had to rewind and go point by point over the discussion and ascertain that it was not her pot and then discuss why hanging out with “crust punks who have pot” will get you arrested even if you aren’t smoking it. And then her Venice Beach activities got severely curtailed for the duration.
So it does pay to have one ear open.
But yeah. I hear you. Thank goodness for that mother talent of just nodding and saying “mmmhnmmmmm” at the appropriate intervals, while mentally doing something completely different.
June 16th, 2005 at 2:57 pm
I have often thought one of the hardest things about my son’s ADHD is that he’s never gotten out of that stage. He’s 12 years old and still says every single thought in his head. My mom does the same. When she comes to visit, and both of them are talking and talking and talking over each other- I have to go hide in the bathroom.
June 16th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
Oh my do I know what you’re talking about. I often tell people it’s like in Forrest Gump when they go from scene to scene swabbing the decks, eating, sleeping, and Forrest’s friend is saying “Shrimp gumbo, shrimp scampi, coconut shrimp…” except it’s the names of Bionicles which all sound EXACTLY THE SAME! And Duelmasters…my daughter’s big on recounting Arthur episodes. Ugh.
June 16th, 2005 at 3:48 pm
Oh, lord, did you hit on two of the big ones for me. I may die or go insane from the boredom of listening to minute-to-minute plot desrciptions of cartoons. And it’s water torture bad when the cartoons are Yugi-oh.
I have also been unable to gently convey to my teen girls that 30 minute descriptions of dreams are uninteresting to anyone who is not the dreamer. When they both want to tell me their dreams in the same car ride, I tell them to limit it to a 5-line summary, and then I turn up the radio after delivering my briliant interpretation(someting else they always demand).
June 16th, 2005 at 4:13 pm
I am so glad to read this. Because it means I must be normal. My eldest sons are obsessed with baseball and legos and I must hear about them constantly. I try really hard to fake my interest, but every so often I end up yelling, “Stop! Stop the insanity and go away and talk to each other! I can take it no longer”
June 16th, 2005 at 4:44 pm
I SO relate to this. I am an expert at doing and/or thinking about other things while making attentive noises at the right moments. And you are certainly not alone in asking him to stop. I have actually said, “GO. AWAY.” to my boys. Then I have to beat myself up for setting a bad example of how to treat others. (sigh)
June 16th, 2005 at 4:52 pm
I am so glad it’s not just me!! Bionicles - check. Yu-gioh (and cartoons in general) - check. Video games, Star Wars, Legos - yes to all. My boys have learned that they get a very limited time to tell me about something they saw on television and as much time as they’d like to tell me about real things that they experience. Playing with Bionicles counts as an experience, but I figure it’s okay to tune out since half the words mean absolutely nothing to me. If you can repeat one thing they said and ask a question about it, then they are usually satisfied that you’ve listened. There’s no need to feel guilty for not really hearing (or caring about) what it was they said. You have encouraged them to talk to you, to talk about their interests, and right there you’ve given them more than a lot of parents do. Limiting what you want to talk about tells them that not everyone will find the intricate workings of their new lego village (vid game, barbie scenario, etc.) as interesting as they do, which is also a good lesson.
Mowse, let me know when your son reaches maturity so I can encourage people to vote for him! I swear that those currently serving don’t ask half those questions - and they should. When he gets to Taft-Hartley, tell him it should be repealed.
June 16th, 2005 at 7:48 pm
Dawn,
I laughed and laughed..and then sobered up. I relate and also feel less-than-perfect admitting that I don’t always listen to my kids, either. I have to say that when my 11 yr-old son launches into one of his long, long plot summaries of James Bond, Cody Banks, or whatever DVD he’s watched, I’ll say, “Think about the fact that I HAVEN”T watched this film. Will I be interested?” I want him to learn to think about listening and communicating with me and his peers. I have gone as far as to say, “That’s too much information. If I’m interested, I’ll ask you for more details. You have to think about who you’re talking to.”
I cringe at the idea that if I don’t help him navigate this talking/listening stuff, I’ll have a deathly boring 42 yr-old son who is unable to communicate with others. We all have been at a party and run for the hills when we’ve caught site of the old bore who’ll go on for an hour about their new car/boat/house/dog….
Bottom line, I think it is OK (and necessary) to help your child think about WHO they are talking to and WHAT they are talking about…If they don’t practice on us, their adoring parents, how will they learn?
HMBalison
June 16th, 2005 at 10:11 pm
I am not at the pokemn stage yet (tho potty training is just as dull) but boy, does this resonate.
June 16th, 2005 at 10:14 pm
I think you hit a chord with your reading public.
You sure did with me.
I particularly like the fried eyeball description. So visceral and so appropriate.
June 16th, 2005 at 11:02 pm
Sometimes I want to just SOB for the tedium of her constant chatter. She recently came out of the Intense Phase of Questions, where she asked me approximately 900 questions per minute (mostly beginning with “why”) and it’s such a relief, she’s down to about 50 questions per minute now. It’s cute when she makes up stories and tells them to me, but gah.
I am proud of myself for not having resorted to duct tape yet (for her mouth or my ears).
June 16th, 2005 at 11:48 pm
The white noise of incessant talking. Linley is like a seven-year-old Andy Rooney. “You know what’s weird?” “Do you wanna know what happened at school today?” “Wanna hear this story?”
I am worse than you. I have actually yelled at them when I was trying to hear something on NPR. Or just turned the radio up.
I remind myself that payback is a bitch, and they will be tuning me out as I chatter away about how lousy the food is at the nursing home.
June 17th, 2005 at 10:32 am
I thought I was the only one!!!! I’m so glad to see I’m not alone.