Comments on: Good thinking

By: shannon

shannon — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 03:38:20 +0000

Years ago I briefly looked into egg donation as far as filling out (but not sending) the application. I was asked about openness and checked “whatever the family /child want.”

I think gamete donation should be as open as anything else for the sake of the child. I am less concerned about surrogacy that doesn’t involve gametes of the surrogate. In that case, I figure it’s up to the adults to decide what they want. But the child, I believe, deserves access to her genetic roots for medical purposes.

This is not an opinion I express too much in lesbian circles, since anonymous sperm is often (though not always) a highly desirable option for lesbian bio/adoptive moms. But I think the desire of the adults should take a back seat to the future well-being of the child.

By: Cecily

Cecily — Tue, 14 Jun 2005 23:11:22 +0000

I believe it was “gestational surrogate”.

These are all fascinating issues. Thanks for probing them.

By: Jentle

Jentle — Tue, 14 Jun 2005 15:57:19 +0000

Now this is an entry I need to read to Karen tonight…. What makes a parent is a topic pretty central to our lives.

By: paige

paige — Tue, 14 Jun 2005 14:51:17 +0000

Ok, so I’ve been thinking about this for quite awhile now. I think the mother vs carrier question is answered by society. In the carrier situation, the donor, surrogate etc. is helping someone,(e.g we couldn’t get pregnant, Herb’s sperm count is too low, so we used a donor, Agnes’ womb is a rocky place where a seed could find no purchase, so we used a surrogate). Here the donor provides a valuable service–you can hear it int the verbage–’used’ is so very utilitarian. In the case of adoption, the adoptive family is ‘helping’ the woman in trouble, by relieving her of the burden of raising her child. Although those of us who parent via adoption know this isn’t the case, you hear it in the language about adoption–”was she a teen mother?” indicating she is too young to raise the baby. “Isn’t the father around?” indicating that she was abandoned and can’t possibly parent independently. In our situation, we also heard, “Oh, she already has one by herself? She must have her hands full already.” indicating that there isn’t room in this parent’s life for another child.

I really think this is the gist of it, although I think there’s an ownership issue implied as well. In adoption, the birth mother ‘owns’ the baby until she chooses to place her, but in many donor situations, the donor is providing a raw material to make a baby, not the entire baby. Not a very elegant response, but then neither is society’s point of view.