She was not required to tell the possible fathers anything. Our lawyer put and ad in the paper for any man who thinks he might be the father of Mama Rose’s baby, born on blah blah etc. to register as a putative father. After 90 days of nothing, his rights are cancelled.

Our friend David strongly objects to this. He was almost an unknowing birth father years ago and found out right as the mother was losing her rights to the six-month old baby (because of neglect) he was only 19, but said he wanted the baby if it was going to go to the mother or to foster care otherwise, but cousins of the mother came forward to adopt and David signed off, since they were good friends.

But he loves children, raised one almost entirely alone (from 18 months onward) and would take Nat in a heartbeat if we needed him to. He is not like the man or men Mama Rose thinks might have fathered Nat. I’m glad the law leaves it to her discretion. For every would-be great father who loses his rights unfairly, I’d bet there are 100 potentially dangerous ones who it would be better to avoid as much as possible.

Obviously, if my son had a relationship that resulted in a crisis pregnancy, and the woman chose not to tell him, there’s a good chance he’d be reaping what he’d sown. I don’t want to stereotype women in crisis pregnancies. If someone chose not to tell him, I’d assume she had a darn good reason. But as a GRANDPARENT, I would want him to know. That was the framework in which I was considering the question.

Also, at some level, short of out-and-out abuse, I would think my son had a right to know, no matter how crappy the relationship had become.

I just want to be clear that, in the abstract, I still have a lot of sympathy for the many tough decisions that women facing crisis pregnancies have to make, including decisions about what to tell their partners.

I know that someone with more reflective reasoning could point out all the ways that this shouldn’t be. I’m sure there are solid legal reasons behind Ohio’s laws. And I’m glad they worked in yours, and Madison’s, favor. I wonder if I’m wise to comment, not thinking things through….